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Sudden Change Of A Family Friend

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by SGBV, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    What would you do if some one very close to your family avoids you all of a sudden?

    This particular family has always been close with us. We share a good bonding, and we both are like relatives.
    Therefore, we invite them for all our events, and they do happily participate.
    Whereas we would be there if anything happens in their life.
    Our relationship is for more than a decade now, and we are connected from all front; hence that makes our lives better.
    The dad of that family is my FIL's best friend. The mom is my MIL's distant cousin and they are from the same origin.
    The children are my School mates, and my maternal uncle's ex-students. The SNIL is my bro's senior is university and a close friend of him. Their other SNIL is my mom's best friend's son.
    Besides, they are somewhat related to both of my co-sisters. Since we live in the same locality, we are connected anyway.

    Now, all of a sudden this family did not send us an invite to their dad's first year death anniversary commemoration. They did this in a grand manner, by inviting many people, feeding them lunch at their home, and conducting some rituals and events after that.
    This ritual did not happen on the exact date of their dad's death. But a couple of weeks after that due to convenience.
    We visited them on the exact date of their dad's death, and that time they couldn't confirm as to when would they conduct the remembrance event. They were waiting for their bro to come from UK.

    Then all of a sudden, my PILs said that they are attending to the remembrance event one fine day. My BIL from another city came to our city to attend the same event.
    Many others have also attended this event.
    But there was no invitation to us. It seemed weird.
    We overheard from PILs about the date of this event, and was waiting for a formal invite. But no invitation came till the morning of that event.
    That day, my FIL and BIL came over and invited us on behalf of that family friend. This seemed strange again.

    Before this event, we have missed a couple of minor events happened in their home.
    The DD's birthday party, and the SNIL's promotion. To both, they invited my PILs and BIL as we know they had shared pics on-line of that party.
    But we didn't take them seriously as they were simple events.
    But it pained to know that we were omitted. This time it is more clear, that the exclusion happened on purpose.

    When I inquired this directly with the DD through whatsapp, she said sorry. That's it.
    When I inquired the same with my Co-sis, she said that family is angry on us, as we didn't show up to the event despite of sending out an invite through our FIL and BIL.
    It is weird that they could have called us over the phone, or invited us directly instead of sending an invite through our relatives.
    If it was through someone common or someone from their side, that would make sense. But who is my FIL to invite us on behalf of them?
    But we brushed it off, and waited to see how this progresses.

    Last week, my BIL celebrated his birthday. He didn't invite us formally as we are family and we actually decided to have dinner in a hotel together.
    It was a simple family event though, but BIL thought of inviting that family friend's DD and family for the dinner. He called them up.
    At the hotel, that DD said her mom was alone at home and she would love to join the party, but wouldn't come as there was no formal invite to her <though they stay under one roof, she is diff family; hence demand separate invitation>
    Therefore my BIL had to drop by her home, and invite her in person to bring her to the dinner.

    Since they are the type of people who pay attention to such formal invite, how come they blame us and get angry on us for not attending to their event without an invite.
    How come they think it is all right to send the invitation through our FIL?
    How difficult it is to call us or invite us?

    They said that they didn't invite anyone, but everyone came voluntarily. But how come they order food without knowing the estimate number of attendants?
    How come others know the exact date of this event, since it was not their dad's death date?

    I was the one who stopped my H from attending this event, as I felt something fishy already.
    My H listened to me.
    But PILs are blowing it up and showing it was my mistake.

    I don't think this particular family has just forgotten to invite us, but something smells fishy here.

    How do I know? Because they were really nice folks, and I don't wanna lose them. At the same time, I can't mingle with them before clearing this mind block.

    Please suggest me something
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Would suggest a personal face to face session to clear up any doubts with either only the wife or the guy, whoever is more closer to you. Make sure no one else is around. Push for all the answers you want, gently but clearly, n be ready for not getting straight answers for every question as well.

    I would suggest to take any extra efforts to clear this since they mean a lot to you guys n have been together for so long. I personally would go the extra mile if they mean a lot to me.

    If despite all the efforts you take, you don't get satisfactory response, make a choice to either adjust, let go or accept them with this problem. You can convey that you are hurt but choosing to let go, if the efforts makes no progress.

    Since you are close, find a way to get communicate well n a way to get over it, or else this might not last.
     
  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    In this case that family friend would have told your pil to inform you about the event since you both are neighbours. Could be that your door was locked when they came to invite.

    Your fil has no need to invite you unless he has been told. May be that friend still sees both the families as one. You could have visited their family for the event since you all were actually very close to each other.
     
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  4. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Is it possible that when the friend invited your FIL, he volunteered to invite your family on their behalf - may be he said since you are all family, they dont need to invite your family separately . And then your FIL forgot/didnt bother till the day of event to invite you all.
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Could be yes. This happened several times in the past.
    Basically, MIL doesn't like us to mingle with her sets of family.
    I don't know the real motive behind this. But I guess, this could be some inferiority or some hesitance because she might have bad mouthed about us to others, and now fears what if we mingle close with the other family. Due to this, she often bridge a glass fence between us and her side of the other families.

    Earlier, people come all the way from their city to send wedding invitations to the relatives living in our city. But they leave our invitation cards with PILs family, and didn't bother to even give a call to us.
    When such thing repeatedly happens with PIL's side of the people alone, it made me think.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Perhaps yes, but I am looking for the motive behind this.
    If it was just one occasion, I would have given the benefit of the doubt to that family and my PILs. But it is for several events within 6 months time.
    And I don't believe our door was closed each time.

    Then, there was no need to rely on PILs family when we officially have a separate family. We have always received separate invitations so far. Why suddenly it was different this time?

    We were actually very close to each other, and that's why I was wondering why we were suddenly omitted from all the phases of this event, from planning, deciding the date, invitation, preparatory work etc...
    If it was before, we would have been planning the date and stuff together with them. But in this case, we didn't even receive a call from them. But my PILs and BIL family were actively involved this time... This is quite suspicious.
     

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