Sucidal Thoughts - Help Needed!!!

Dear Veda,

A very timely post.

I know a few people who have people who have been in troubled waters since the global market has been dwindling.

Its is but obvious a sad state of affairs. The economy crashing has crashed a lot of lives. The health has been terribly affected. When you are in high emotional and mental turmoil your physical health goes for a toss and you are hardly in the right frame of mind to think logically or rationally.

A lot of people have been seeking help, a lot many speak it out to come out of the crisis , the real sufferers are the quiet ones, who do not want to discuss but quietly suffer in their own , its sad that they just look for a way to the coffin.

I know as external people who have probably not suffered much it is easy to tell others to be patient but when the earnings of a lifetime is at stake then I think they lose the very will to live especially at such times when money is the only means to gain status in todays society.

I do feel extremely sorry for these people but hope is the only thing that could help them keep alive. We can only hope that things will look good soon.
There was a time when the country's greatest superstar Amitabh Bachchan had gone bankrupt, he was in deep losses and had suffered physically and mentally but he never lost hope and then that helped him to resurrect his life and how!!
Maybe coming together along with friends , discussing matters will help ease the pain and the trauma that the people are facing and also various available options.

We all face difficulties in life , not just humans but as mythology suggests even God in all his forms came here and suffered, but the belief that we have in ourselves will help us sail through.

I think the preparation to face life and realities should begin from childhood. We always prepare our kids to face success, but I think it is equally important to help them deal with failures. Not just the grownups , we see a lot of children too succumbing to the demands and ending life much before it actually begins. The stress factor in not being able to cope with failures leads to this. Hence it is extremely important to begin to train your child to face adversities of life.Like we always say hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. We need to prepare them to be able to overcome obstacles. There is always an option in life , we need to find that alternative, and definitely death is not an answer to lifes problems. Equipping children from a young age will make them mentally stronger and that prepares them to face harsh realities too.

Life is just too precious to lose !! Its the gift of GOD and if HE has gifted it to you , HE will definitely help you out of it. Have faith in HIM and a greater faith in yourself.

I hope things take a positive turn soon and the economy takes a U turn back to good times!! Miracles do happen!!

Regards,
Devika

 

Dear Devika- A worthy reply to Veda with the right balance of understanding, concern and discipline that only a trained analyst and lover of human minds can deliver.

Dear Veda- a well written post that analyses the economic melt down from the human angle. After I read your sensitive post, I heard in NDTV that a techie of Indian origin in Detroit has killed his kin and committed suicide. It was very sad to see the smiling face of his daughter, snapped in happier times, that sadly were not allowed to last.

 

Dear Veda Vyasar,

Your post could not have come at a better time.

I normally take lot of strains not to repeat myself. But I know in certain cases I have to repeat. I am copy-pasting from a reply I gave to an ILite, which is in itself an excerpt from what I wrote in 2001 when there was the dot com burst.

Here are my thoughts:

In 2001 when there was the dotcom bust there were many tragedies happening around software industry. A lady CEO who was in her 20s just like that died of shock. A computer centre franchisee I knew consumed sleeping pills and was fighting for his life.

I was affected more by these incidents than the dot-com bust. I wrote a middle in DH entitled Software and Softer Minds. I had boldly suggested that Ramayana and Mahabaratha should be made part of the syllabus for software engineers.

For if the lady had learnt her Ramayana well, if she had known that one day Rama was to be crowned as the King and on the very next day he was banished to the forest (Incidentally life in the forest will be far worse than life in the 'bench' as they say that in software industry) and during both days Rama's face was like a painted lotus (It was not compared to the real lotus because even that will waver when the water is moved by the breeze) she would not have died in shock.

Reading C++ and Java as part of core curriculum is like memorizing the operating manual for the wet grinder or the CD Player. That's not real education, for sure.

Another victim of the modern day education is History. Whenever I go for career guidance students ask me "What's the big deal in studying history, in studying Ramayana, or in knowing about Maurya and Moghul Dynasty?"
I ask them what's the big deal in knowing about Basic, D-base, Wordstar which anyway was going to become obsolete?
Whereas History and Ramayana will never become obsolete.
The pity Veda Vyasar is we have education to make our children software engineers, but nothing to make them stronger men and women. The software engineer who killed himself, the finance professional who shot down his entire family - they all started to die when we removed epics from the curriculum.

love,
sridhar

 

Dear Veda,
The Global melt down has affected every strata of society in some way or the other across the globe. Even my hubby and self have lost a few K's. As I have always been a crusader for life and existence, I feel suicide, for whatever reason is not an answer to life's million woes and least when it comes to financial loss. There may be people, who out of extreme greed put in all their resources in the stock markets and are now reaping the effects. But then, taking the life of the near dear ones along with self is the worst form of inhumanity.It is an unpardonable crime against mankind. Our friends, Devika, Sridhar and Vidya have said it all. Come what may, suicide is not an answer to life's problems which are mostly self made.
The solution to all this is the 8 fold path of Buddha, Greed Not being the first step towards a peaceful life.
Love,
Malathi

 

Veda
You are not able to write more due to time constraints I think, but when you do write its worth it for me to make time to read. When I saw the title I was for a moment shocked. And more since your name was there too.
This is more in tune with today's environment and the topic of the hour. Like you wisely say, someone who is in genuine need will be benefited.
Suicide is intertwined with living and in Society for ages. As we live and face insurmountable obstacles, for a few that comes across as a solution which it can never be.
Hence I feel religion steps in to say there are consequences for this act hopin to scare away the few that are inclined.
It is my opinion that people who are really troubled in mind seek that option.
It might help if family or friends are aware and more in tune with their troubled nature and go out of their way to get help even before its asked.
Step in and take action while symptoms become more visible of a troubled mind.
Thanks for writing Veda.

 

Dear Veda,

What an excellent topic! It comes at the perfect time too!

Thanks AC for bringing this to the FP. Otherwise I would have missed this wonderful post.

Being in the US and seeing this all around me, I thought the Indian economy was yet to be hit this badly. But I guess I was wrong.

Loved Devika's, V24 and Varalotti Sir's FBs! I could not agree more with Devika that HOPE has to be kept alive. I abosultely agree with her thoughts that both adults and children need to learn, and, be taught, to gracefully accept failures in life and move on. Of course, all easier said than done. But I do firmly believe that this is an absolute must in today's times when the word "security" (be it job, financial, safety) does not mean much. We have to prepared to face the worst and best of times in the course of our life.

Varalotti Sir's suggestion about teaching Ramayan and Mahabhart is excellent! This idea must be considered seriously by educational institutions.

In my opinion there are two areas that people who are suffering due to this crisis must focus their energies on. Of course, I am aware these suggestions are coming from an outsider whose daily life has not been so badly impacted by the crisis..

First area is to fight all negative thoughts and ignite the flame of hope and get back that "killer instinct" to fight against all odds and make it to the other side.

For this, people have to think about their modest beginnings and how their hardwork, positive attitude and that desire to overcome all obstacles brought them here (to a good financial state). The majority of the successful people have had modest beginnings in life. Somewhere along the lines when they reached this elite status they lost touch with where they started, their humble roots. Not on purpose but because the demands on their time were so much that all they could think of was moving forward. I think this is an excellent time for all such people to do some inward thinking and re-run their success stories in their mind. They have got to recongize that they have made HUGE progress from where they initially started and no amount of financial crisis can take that credit away from them. They have to see themselves as successful people in spite of the current loss. This I think is the crux. People with negative thoughts patterns are usually the ones who have stopped believing in themselves and have given up on themselves. So this belief in oneself needs to be ignited again for thes people to come out of negative thought patterns.

Yet another thing that I think will help is a support group. People in similar situations must get together and form a strong community that sees each other through the mental and emotional turmoils. A lot of people need the mental strength to overcome this crisis. If they have people in their situation to talk with, to discuss their feelings with, to discuss practical problems and their possible solutions with, I think it will help them tremendously. Together they might even come up with some novel ideas to combat their money crunch by finding ways to raise funds etc. To me, the raising of money part is secondary. I think what they really need is a strong sense of belongingness where they do not feel isolated and where they do not get the feeling of "why only me".

The other area that one must eventually and undoubtedly focus on is learning some lessons to apply for the future. It is said that hindsight is 20-20. Absoultely true. But if we pay attention to history, we can see some patterns and identitfy which ones occur repeatedly every decade or every few years. I think there is surely a lot to be learnt from the crisis -not just on a general or investment level but very much so on a personal and an individual level as well. As individuals, we must use this as an opportunity to assess our own personality traits. We have to re-evaluate our risk taking ability, our ability to deal with crisis and failures, our ability to start afresh and a lot of things of this nature. So when it is time to start anew, we start off in the right direction which is in alignment with our personality.

It is my sincere prayer that no individual or family remains in the crisis state for too long and that they find whatever it is that they need to hang on to and resurrect their life.

SS

 

Veda,
Excellent one, with the current 'crsis' situation, being discussed here..
I agree with Devika, Vidya, Varalotti,AC, Malathi and SS, in this matter.
They had beautifully discussed the situation and came out with the solution..
There is HOPE.
I am on the first place, want to ask one question.
We all know that 'stock market' is nothing but gambling, sorry for using any strong words..we all know that it is manipulated by few giants, to make them 'big' giants...in that case., why invest in that..
moreover some invest their total income...why...
this is the place of greed...cut it in the first place by not entering this place..
if at all entered..be prepared for these things, mentally and financially and have a back-up plan.
Don't rely on this solely...

sriniketan

 

Dear Vysan,

Most interesting post, I second all the views expressed by you. My friends and close ones agonised for days over the tragic killing of the other members of his family by the head of the household before he took his own life. No one has the right to take one's own life, let alone the lives of others, whatever maybe the reason. We are lucky to be born as human beings and surely we can find ways and means to circumvent or resolve the tragic situations that we have created for ourselves.

With the global financial meltdown and other disasters that follow it, the worst that can happen is that we will be out on the streets, but God has given us hands to work with and intelligence to create new opportunities, let us be thankful for that. At best, family or friends won't foresake us, some one will come to our rescue. Man lives on hope and optimism in the worst of scenarios, so snuffing out the lives and future of innocent children and wife and others is a sheer act of cowardice. I don't think such dastardly acts can be condoned.

Is there anyone out there who thinks that we can set up a fund or association for people in this situation or am I way out of my depth in proposing such an idea. Await some fbs from ILites,

Thanks,
Padma

 

My dear Vysan,
I read your post,about men particularly Indian men commiting suicide in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">USA</st1lace></st1:country-region> owing to the terrible financial situation that has surprised and stunned the entire world.
When I read the news and saw on TV how the Indian middle aged man Raja Karhick killed his aged MIL,his wife and his sons and then killed himself,Vysan,my heart stopped for a minute.I just could not believe that an educated bright man should have taken this decision because his investments,his financial position took a beating.The question that rose in my mind was that illustrious colleges and the famous Universities teach them the subjects,teach them to excel in their chosen profession teach them to adapt themselves to the culture of the country tat they have chosen to live in,etc etc.But do these high fy colleges teach them the basic value or principle or teaching or the way of life-call it what you choose to call it-but the basic principle that one has to learn even as a youngster, that is never lose hope,never wilt under pressure.You earn money,money does not and can not earn you.
My dear Vysan,after reading your thread,I went out for my evening walk met my age group friends and as usual we chatted on .Today the topic of conversation was the topic you have chosen to write.
When I expressed my displeasure that a man, who was a father could stoop down to the level of killing his aged MIL and other family members,a friend of mine got angry with me.She said,”Mythili,prestige is involved here.This man was living in the US ,was earning well and his family was used to a certain standard of living,Suddenly he found himself with no money,he could not bear to face his relatives in India may be ,that’s why he must have commited suicide”
What an explanation.I screamed at her and came back,huffing and puffing.
This person took away the life of his 19 year old son.He had no right to do that.That young boy might have been made of different stuff,he might have been in all probability a fighter.He would have statrted his life,may be as a janitor,may be as a help in a hotel,may be ,he would have washed cars and tended to the gardens of the rich to earn money.May be his guts,his perseverance and his zeal for life and a burning ambition in him to come up in life would have made him a successful person in future.His wife like any other woman ,women are sensible and rise up to the occasion would have struggled to make both ends meet,but ultimately she would have written a success story in the canvas of life.
Even his aged MIL would not have despaired,she would have egged them on to work and ome up in life.
You will agree with me ,Vysan, that success comes to those who dare and do not despair at the slightest failure.
If you will bear with an old woman,my dear Vysan,I would like to share with you and those who read your thread, the story of Sonabai
I worked in a Missionary school in Pune for two years as a teacher.There I met this lovely lady Sonabai.It was the year 1984.Sonabai must have been in her early fiftees and she was so very good looking.She used to dress up very well and was always cheerful I took a strong liking to her.She taught drawing and handicraft in the Primary section.
One of my friends told me Sona’s real life story.
Sona was married to a young man belonging to her community at a pretty young age.Her parents were very poor and got her married to this drunkard,knowing well that he was not a good sort,because,marrying off Sona meant one mouth less to feed.
Sona’s husband left her and ran away.Her in laws threw her out,her mothers’ people shut their door on her.Sona who was heavily pregnant somehow arrived in Pune.She had not attended school,she knew to speak only in Marathi and she had no money with her.As luck would have it ,some well maning soul directed her to a Missionry School that had been started just then by the Church.Sona begged the nuns ,who fed her, to lend her some money.She bought dhalls and oil in that money,she ground for vada in the school premises only and sold the vadas to the children.Later she added ‘sundal’to her list of tiffins that she made and sold.The nuns gave her place to sleep.She delivered a baby girl in a Municipal hospital With the arrival of the child, her determination to earn well and take care of her child also grew in her.She toiled in the hostel kitchen as cook and earned some money.The nuns told her that if she learnt Drawing and Craft she could join their staff.Believe me, she did just that.She was a diligent student,she learnt Drawing Craft by correspondence ofcourse and with the help of the nuns,God bless their souls!.
She became a teacher,even though on a lower rung and took a small room on rent.Later she put her daughter in the school.She was a hard working,sincere teacher,an excellent parent.Her daughter passed graduation with flying colours,Sonabai became The Head of The Primary Department in the school and retired.She got her daughter married to a qualified Engineer.She must be enjoying her old age now,God bless her.
When a Sonabai ,with no one to support her,no education and no financial support could make it ,my dear,why should these well qualified men lose heart ,when failure in the money market is a Global happening.
I would appeal to the young and old in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">USA</st1lace></st1:country-region> or anywhere else for that matter. You have become a pauper,my son.Your financial situation is frightening,you have nothing to fall back on.Does not matter.It means your slate is clean.When your slate is absolutely clean,my son,you can write your success story on that slate.No one, Not even God can prevent you from doing that.You are free to pursue your instinct and work hard to make riches and be successful.
The <st1lace w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">United States Of America,</st1:country-region></st1lace> among all the countries of the world,Iam told,is the place where one can follow one’s dreams.Don’t stop dreaming,failures like what you encounter now,should not diminish your zest for life and the desire to become successful.Your family looks up to you.
You are the protector and saviour of your family.More than anything else,now is the time for you to show to the world and more so to your children, what stuff you are made of.
You are born to achieve great heights and you should be there to help your children reach greater heights.

“When th sun of joy is setting
And the sky is overcast
Just remember , light is coming
That a storm can never last”