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Successful Second Marriage: is it a reality?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by justice218, Jul 17, 2013.

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Jul 21, 2013 #11

steve Platinum IL'ite

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I actually think that many such people look towards people of their age for a second alliance. But I actually think that there is a certain fraction of men that are smitten by older women. These days it is becoming common for these men to pursue what was once forbidden. OP, I suggest that you don't rule out getting comfortable with younger men. You may find mr right who could be a few/several years younger than you. Don't foreclose that option. Good luck!

steve, Jul 21, 2013

steve, Jul 21, 2013

#11
Jul 21, 2013 #12

justice218 Bronze IL'ite

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Thank you SacredBell. Very good advice and suggestions.

much of the problems that i am going through is due to interfering in-laws, who have brainwashed their son against me. added to that my husband has some serious inferior complexities that i thought i could help with. but unfortunately i was starting to get tired of helping him and then his parents see the change and bring him back to his original self and probably even worse then he was before.

I also think, in addition to the boy it is the parents of the boy that should be checked on...every parent is protective of their child, but in most cases especially with indian society a boys parents think they are gods and can treat their DIL's like servants. atleast servants get paid and treated with some respect....It is the parents of boys that need to instill good values into their sons.

Y dont some MIL's realize that they were once DIL's aswell..i dont when this culture will change.

justice218, Jul 21, 2013

justice218, Jul 21, 2013

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Jul 21, 2013 #13

justice218 Bronze IL'ite

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Thank steve for the interesting advice.....:thumbsup

justice218, Jul 21, 2013

justice218, Jul 21, 2013

#13
Jul 21, 2013 #14

sacredbell Silver IL'ite

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Dear OP,

I do not know about your problems.

If the issues are with your IL's, you could decide to stay away from them, instead of staying together in the same house. Your DH would also get a break from their influence. He may be able to think independently, with an open mind in the new circumstances.

What you said is absolutely true in our society. IL's and relatives unnecessarily interfere in our life and we are bound to meet their expectations too. Only solution is to stay away from them. Better, you and your DH should make an open communication, sharing the the expectations of each other. There may be conflicts of interests which could be discussed and sorted out, if you both have interest to continue with this relationship. There is no need of an intervention of third party in this matter.

Divorce shall be considered as a last resort. You never know, what you are going to get in next chance. There is always a risk involved. Never take such decisions alone and always seek advise from your parents and siblings. They are the only people you can trust in such situations.

May God Bless you,

Last edited: Jul 21, 2013

sacredbell, Jul 21, 2013

sacredbell, Jul 21, 2013

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Jul 22, 2013 #15

justice218 Bronze IL'ite

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Hello scarebell

i fortunately have no interest in going back to patch things up. he was the one who asked me to leave the house if i don't bring the property and transfer it to his name. in addition he was the one who said he wanted a divorce. he was a disgusting selfish man who killed my confidence and my character in more ways than one. he is very inferior man with so many pshcylogical issues that needs professional help. and his parents are the cause for these issues, they blackmail him emotionally and make him against me. he being an idiot does it, and does not seem to notice the difference between right and wrong.

I never want to be with a man or his family members who have the intention on living on the DILs property. there are no better than parasites. a man who cannot protect his wife from anyone including his own parents is no man in my eyes. he is nothing but a "chamcha" of his parents.

justice218, Jul 22, 2013

justice218, Jul 22, 2013

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Jul 22, 2013 #16

sacredbell Silver IL'ite

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Asking for dowry and abusing wife are criminal offences. You can easily file a criminal case against him and his family. In case, if you have already decided to separate, submit the evidence for such behavior in the court.
They will go to jail and will not repeat it to another girl.

sacredbell, Jul 22, 2013

sacredbell, Jul 22, 2013

#16
Jul 23, 2013 #17

justice218 Bronze IL'ite

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I have already this. but those people are shameless enough to go through criminal offences as if there are going for a party....im running out of options. many people have advised them to get through the cases as quickly as possible but they do not seem to budge....

i feel like i am stuck in this rotten world that i just cant seem to get out of....

justice218, Jul 23, 2013

justice218, Jul 23, 2013

#17
Jul 23, 2013 #18

RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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justice218 said: ↑

I never want to be with a man or his family members who have the intention on living on the DILs property. there are no better than parasites. a man who cannot protect his wife from anyone including his own parents is no man in my eyes. he is nothing but a "chamcha" of his parents.
Click to expand...

Well said! :bowdown:bowdown:bowdown

RadiantFlower, Jul 23, 2013

RadiantFlower, Jul 23, 2013

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Apr 13, 2017 #19

AnkitaJainDL New IL'ite

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I must say that you have taken good decision. Yes mostly second marriages are successful, there are things that should be taken care while going for second marriage

1. Create a relaxed atmosphere to spend time with your partner in new ways
2. Establish an open-ended dialog regarding concerns of all family members.
3. Don’t let resentment build.
4. Discuss hot button issues and personality conflicts privately
5. Practice Forgiveness.

AnkitaJainDL, Apr 13, 2017

AnkitaJainDL, Apr 13, 2017

#19
Apr 14, 2017 #20

WorriesTooMuch Silver IL'ite

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One of my dearest and best friends in the world is getting remarried at 30 after a horrific first marriage that lasted less than 2 years. The guy was verbally abusive, her in laws were just plain insane and money grabby and he couldn't even consummate the marriage. She took some years off after the divorce to really find herself, to be happy with herself before her parents arranged this second one and it looks just perfect. He's a victim of infidelity, with his wife running off with some other man after a year of marriage, so both are ex victims.

They are radiantly, truly happy this time around. The only thing I'll advice is please take some time for yourself after the divorce. Once you are truly over everything that happens, you can start the search again. Take your time and marry only when everything looks right. Don't ignore any red flags.

WorriesTooMuch, Apr 14, 2017

WorriesTooMuch, Apr 14, 2017

#20

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