1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Stupid Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by poojaagar, Aug 16, 2019.

  1. poojaagar

    poojaagar Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi

    First of all, i dont know how to handle my dh as he is so confused and egoistic and adamant and thinks he is oversmart. He wants a easy life without doing anything.

    We were living in india he had a job with ego in all his mind so got many issues with people management and he clearly knows he cant fit into that so he switched to marketing job so he deals with bidding so not much people involved just meetings for getting contracts so on and off meetings so he still managed but with ego of course, only thing he had upper hand so he sailed thro but after a point, he felt he need to travel so much and didnt like that part but with his job its integral part.

    Now during a job crisis he suffered a loss so i applied for overseas PR and got it, now with that country providing social security he wants to even drive taxi and run his life there rather than adjusting in his good paying job. i made a mistake by getting it for him.

    Please advise ppl. what shd i do now?
    we are in overseas now so i ve no choice of going back to india too.
    i hate this place but somehow due to my skill got the PR.
    Now he started liking it so much dont want to go back.
     
    Loading...

  2. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    477
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear, whats ur actual issue with him. U get a job and if he is good enough to drive a taxi and earn as well is there a problem?
     
    saileela85 and shravs3 like this.
  3. poojaagar

    poojaagar Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    i want him to be successful in his career as every wife thinks.. also due to his ego or too honest being it affects his career. and i dont want to live overseas and since he his already good in india why he cant continue that? thats my issue
     
  4. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    477
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Pooja, consider urself lucky that your skill set got u a PR, in all probability u will land up with a good job too. If u never wished to leave India perhaps situation would have been different. And u mention u got him the PR too (if am understanding this right) so build ur career and see how it goes. Ur hubby might change too in time. U focus on ur career, build ur finances. See how it goes. Take a call weighing all the pros n cons.
     
    poojaagar and lavani like this.
  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,693
    Likes Received:
    5,151
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry Pooja for being negative here. I am apologizing in the beginning itself so that my comment doesn't hurt you.
    First of all Kudos to you for being this strong independent lady and getting a PR and focusing on your good career.

    This is the very basic character of your husband . I have seen/experienced this kind of trait in a very close family member. There is not much you can do with regards to changing them. They are them and will never change especially when you have made it easy for him. Now that he has seen you do it he will never change knowing the fact that you are a smart savior for him and you will somehow fix it for him with your hard work/skill/qualification.This is one harsh reality which you will have to accept until he changes but the case I have seen/experienced he never changed and but their life continues to move on with this .
    The case I am mentioning : I have seen the wife accept this husband as is (off course with a lot frustration) and she goes on to accomplish everything which a woman/mother can. Take care of kids, their education , their marriage and to top it put up with this husband similar to what you have mentioned. She does cry and crib saying how she wishes her life was much better had he been a bit smart and responsible in his career.

    I would also suggest the same as Sandy : Focus on your career, build your finances. See how it goes.
     
    poojaagar, shravs3 and PurpleRoses like this.
  6. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    198
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    You cannot change someone's basic nature and character . So unfortunately you need to accept it that this is how he is.
    Build your own career but keep control over finances.
    If your dh gets money from you, he will think this is easiest wah to deal with his life and never change.
    Let him find his own ways to cope up with his career if he wants money to buy anything.
    Focus on your career.
    There is a saying that you can bring a horse to the water but you cannot force it to drink.
    It will drink when it needs to.
     
    poojaagar, shravs3 and Anusha2917 like this.
  7. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    325
    Likes Received:
    412
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Why are there so negative comments about your husband. all the time women talk about equal rights and now you got a chance , you are acting hypocrite. look at some threads, some men are sitting at home and doing nothing. he wants to work but just not regular blue color work. What if he can pay off his taxi and buy and run a business.

    you have a good career ,
    i do not understand, if he is a good kind man, who is hard working . i would ignore social view.
     
    hermitcrab, poojaagar and shravs3 like this.
  8. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Since the underlying problem is OP wants to go back, her husband doesn't, she will have to find a middle ground with the husband. In marriage, it is easy to blame both, however, these decisions are made together, no matter who worked hard for what, so blaming the spouse is not going to get you anywhere. Unlike other culture, we don't divorce or breakup just because the goals of one person doesnt match the other. So griping and grudging always comes along.


    OP, What do you want? Live with your husband happily or end up bickering for life? Will OP's outlook on living in the new country change if her husband gets a job of her liking? Any job is good for social security, no? Why dont you talk to your husband about your goals and come to an amicable solution? It might not be the happiest but try to make a decision you both can live with. Think about long term goals too - like kids (assuming no kids, where to settle down, where OP want to be in next 10 years of the career etc.). some long term planning is always better than no planning.
     
    lavani likes this.
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,239
    Likes Received:
    4,289
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Both are contradicting.

    Atleast he wants to drive Taxi.
    You cannot forcefully change a person especially who is egoistic/adamant.
    But since you are working in high paying job, start saving for the future.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
    Anusha2917, poojaagar and Sunshine04 like this.
  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,643
    Likes Received:
    1,978
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Its good, he wants to run a taxi and earn.
    You too seem to be egoistic.
     
    poojaagar likes this.

Share This Page