Stupid husband

vinayak22 · Oct 23, 2013

I don’t know how to describe my situation, still I will try to explain.
So sorry for the long post-
My husband is a king of person who likes to do things the way he likes, he can not understand special circumstances.
My kid goes to day care at 9am. They do give some breakfast in the morning but he always has been fussy eater and does not feed my himself, so I am always worried and wants to give him breakfast at home. But my husband always feel as he is fussy eater, he will eat with kids.

Now coming to today’s argument.
From last 10 days, he is having very much cough and cold especially at night. Last night same happened, he was having cough 4am in the morning and lasted 2-3 hours. In the morning, my husband started saying get him ready for crèche. I made breakfast for both and started feeding him.
My husband- Its already 8:45
I continued making lunch.

while I was feeding him,
My husband- will he be going to day care
Me- yes, but after eating, if you are getting late, you can go

My husband- they feed him in day care
Me- I cant rely on them, atleast when he is having health problem.

My husband- we cant leave him at 10
Me- we don’t always have to look at time, we have to look at health too

My husband- why don’t we have to look at time, why are you so aggressive-
how can you say we cant rely on the.
I kept quiet, I am so pissed off. He didn’t bothered how his healh was, has he had anything. Even while I am feeding, he does not appreciate it, inspite argues on dropping him late.
There is no issue that he is getting late, issue is just child’s time
he is just 2 ½ year old.
can someone be so so stupiid.
He should be teling me not be in hassle, see how his heath his and atleast feed him some.

This might sound silly, this happens every morning, so fed up of this.
please suggest

vinayak22 · Oct 23, 2013

Is my concern not worth replying?

krishlakshmi · Oct 23, 2013

This is happening in most of house everyday....I think in your house it's happening occasionally...

simpleMom · Oct 23, 2013

I think your husband is quite reasonable. You are feeding your child at 8:45AM, not done yet. When does the school start? When does your husband reach office? Going late to school and office everyday can be huge mental burden on a person.

If a person cares about doing things on time and already knows that he/she is late, the only thing on the mind is late/not on time etc. If the child and your husband are always on time to school and office and this was a one-time incident, then perhaps, it would have been understandable. If both are late everyday, then it becomes hard for the other person to understand what you are going through.

Please get the child ready so that he can go to school on time. You can ask for your husbands help in this one.

vinayak22 · Oct 23, 2013

he is just going to play school. There are no specific timings.
My husband used to go to office at 10a.m before his play school started.
Is it possible to arrange breakfast and pack lunch for husband and get him ready when me and my kis not even slept since 4a.m
I preffered to watch his health before dropping him. I myself has taken good education but is it worth to have too much stress just for timings of playschool and ignoring kids health.
P.S- My husband time is not a issue here.

Priya16 · Oct 23, 2013

mom's feel the way you feel and if dad start feeling same way then it may not work out eventually when the kids grow up.Kids need more dicipline so dad's will help there in the future.

But for your day-day issues,you need to communicate with yoru husband before than on the spot decision.You should have told him that,he didn't sleep well and I am worried so he may get delayed to day care today or I will drop him later.

But weather it's daycare or anything it's very important to fallow a routine and it's helps everyone in the house.We can't change timing from daily basis.

When the kids is not well,you better communicate to your husband before.Don't think your husband mind also thinks same way.That's why he is DAD and you MOM.

If I was in your position I would do same and feel same and been there for many times.But the issue is a communication.So try to work on it and inform him before and not on the scene.

Give the kid complete rest for 3-4 days to recover from the cold and give him good fluids to help with kid.When the kid is sick ,don't try to send them to daycare.it's stress on kid and on parent.

simpleMom · Oct 23, 2013

I understand why you are late yesterday/today. Your child is sick. He was not sleeping well until 4:00AM. You did not have sleep. You are too tired. You need to pack lunch for your husband. Feed the child milk/breakfast. It is difficult. I understand why you think child's health is far more important than dropping him at playschool.

If your child is on time everyday, then your position would have been far more easier to understand. If the child is late everyday, then it would be hard for your husband to understand.

Why are you taking entire responsibility on yourself? Ask your husband to help you in the morning.

Swasha · Oct 23, 2013

Dear OP,

As others suggested, I too feel your husband is reasonable. Your Son is not eating at daycare, As you are already feeding him at home. When your son's health gets better, try to avoid feeding at home and let him eat at Daycare. for 2/3 days your son may throw tantrums but eventually he will catch up with the flow at day care.

rose8282 · Oct 23, 2013

Usually when the child is going to daycare, and if he/she is sick, it's better to keep the kid at home so it protects himself and other kids too. Please do not send him to daycare till he is fine. After that, I agree with your husband and Swasha. The idea of sending the child to daycare is he sees other children and learns to be independent. It will take time but he will get used to it eventually. If you keep feeding him, he will never learn and it's pointless to send to daycare.

marlboro · Oct 23, 2013

I think all this stress is due to a fussy eater. My Pediatric doc and my DH told me not to forcefully feed a child at anytime. If he/she is hungry they will eat and no kid will go hungry for a long period. I used to always feel bad about my kid not eating and tried a lot to make her eat . The day I left her to eat on my own, she didnt eat anything for most half a day but dinner time she ate pretty good. There are days she eats well and someday might not.
So I think what your husband suggested is pretty reasonable.
But, on some other circumstances like cold, flu etc, its best to make the kids eat whatever they want and more fluids.
These are just my thoughts