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Stuck With A Liar - Please Suggest

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lightsource, Oct 31, 2018.

  1. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks GlobetrotterG for the response.

    I have tried to concise and give the most relevant details. These events unfolded gradually over the last few months, with the most recent being the suspicion about his activities. That is the major reason for me to contemplate separation.

    We got back to India and sought couple therapy. The therapist suggested consultation with a sexologist and he has already ruled out major structural causes of impotence. The doctor's opinion about my DH's statement was that, Gayness can never be diagnosed with certainty unless he comes out by himself.
     
  2. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks GeetaKashyap

    Yes, Though I am not able to understand the motive, I am able to sense that something is fishy. I have involved the elders and we are contemplating walking out of this marriage. Wish the almighty gives me the courage to face the world and plan my future.
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
  3. GlobetrotterG

    GlobetrotterG Silver IL'ite

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    Was the above statement a conclusion from the theraphy? or a general thought about gay?

    If he is Gay, this guy thought he will live with you for the outside world. Not sure how people can take women for granted.
     
  4. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    It was the sexologist's comment, when asked whether gayness can be diagnosed, in general.
     
  5. GlobetrotterG

    GlobetrotterG Silver IL'ite

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    I am surprised that the therapist can't affirmatively say he is Gay or Not? Did you ever ask an explicit answer to this question? Sorry, i still don't have an answer if he is Gay or not :(
     
  6. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    Yea.. once again I read your post and felt fishy to see a statement from with a or condition. I felt it's lie
    Do you know about his job, office address, where he travels , details of any one working in his office, etc. I dont think its not that easy to work abroad with criminal background.. I suspect he is in another relation from which he is not able to come out.
     
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  7. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    After all this, I am very confused about which of his statements are true and which is a lie. I know where he works and his travel plans, but, I haven't met any of his colleagues. He says he's a loner and doesn't share personal relationship with any of his office colleagues and doesn't have a lot of friends as well.

    Do you think its easy to work abroad with criminal background?
     
  8. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op,

    Sorry to hear your story. But it is good that you came to know early. It is good that you involved parents and thinking about walking out.

    Normally people spend years to realize things are not normal. That way you are good as you realised it in months.

    I think it doesn't matter if he is gay, impotent, lied yeah cheater or if he got any other relation. In any case it will be better to walk out. As he himself confirmed he think he is gay/impotent there is no meaning of staying in this marriage.

    So focus on the way to get out. Focus on your health. Mentally & physically. Join gym or something to keep you busy. Don't fall into depression. Side by side with the support of parents walk out of this marriage.
     
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  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, wishing you courage, strength and positive energy to face this unfortunate situation. I don't have much idea about the laws. But,is it possible to nullify this marriage citing the fact that marriage has not been consummated owing to the impotency of the respondent (Nullity of Marriage in India - Divorce Laws in India) . Good that you have involved your parents and identified the issue. Try to get out of this marriage as soon as possible. You don't have to end up with a liar.
    You deserve better.
     
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  10. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for your words salad

    This is exactly what's going on in my mind, as well. I felt that it's not right on my part to leave him, just because he's impotent and it was my duty to be supportive. I was also okay to stay with him, even if he was a gay, as long as he's prepared to be committed to the relationship. But, I just couldn't tolerate his lies and can't imagine a life without trust and transparency.

    Sure, will focus on myself and gather power and strength to get out of this rut. Thanks again.
     

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