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Stuck In It Together

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Hopeless4lyf, Jun 27, 2019.

  1. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    This is emotional blackmail/ abuse !
     
  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Um, pretty typical.
     
    Hopeless4lyf likes this.
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...your parents are looking out for themselves.They probably expect him to take care of them in future. They don't know which way he will turn once he gets him GC.

    Whatever you do ...remember not to base it on their advice / blackmail .
     
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  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    As I said before in an earlier post, delay could either be mistake or a strategy. We cannot know which one.
    This makes me wonder if "he" is either uninformed about his immigration status or unconcerned, because he only needs the conditional PR-visa until it expires, and then he'd leave the country after that.
    This adjustment-of-status to a conditional-PR-visa, and then have a 2 year probationary period followed by getting a PR-visa without any conditions is all very stressful when the young couple have to live with the visa-sponsor's parents. When the stress is removed, and the man is freed from the probationary/conditional status, and confirmed in his position, the case may go any which way.
     
  5. Hopeless4lyf

    Hopeless4lyf Senior IL'ite

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    He wouldn't sign up for counseling.
    I have tried to give him medical support for quitting n he has turned it down. I NEVER ever expected him to quit cold turkey. hell last year when I initially found out he smokes. I was even supporting his occasional cigarette.

    Also smoking is not the only issue. he is a consistent liar. He has even gone to tell me how he has cheated on his ex. He takes pride in telling his mom looking at naked girls is okay because he is not married to them n so forth.
    so the time for him is actually strategic move from my end. because the longer I give him the more proof I will have of his lies. his parents wants proof so might as well give them something well worth.
    Also I can understand this being a strategic move from their end too to buy time so the more we delay it the closer we will get to him getting his permanent GC. But they don't know that I am not waiting till that long nor will I go through legal proceedings to support him that way because clearly he is so unconcerned about it so why should I be?
     
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  6. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    OP, please do not misunderstand me.

    if your POST is a vent ?? ,please ignore below comments completely. and i apologize too for commenting.

    other than that, i am just simply amazed, you are just going on and on about your H, your parents, his parents. collecting proof, GC.

    If ever we meet too, i would never ever judge you. This was just a bad match. He has flaws , accept it and period. And it is completely honorable to leave him, because this situation does not match your life goals. and it is completely wrong to force you to live in with a person who cannot and will not change for his family.

    rest, i would not even think even 1 second more and proceed what i would like to do.
     
  7. confused4sure

    confused4sure Silver IL'ite

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    OP... since you are not new to the country and are independent.. please move out - leave both your husband and your parents.

    It is time to take a clean break. Move in with a friend.. if possible, few hours away.
    Being away from this toxic atmosphere for few days will clear your thinking as well.
    can you travel for work? ask to be added to a project away from home....

    Reading your posts, you are wasting your precious time on a relationship that you have already given up on. IMO, if you have given up on something or someone, even spending a minute is useless.
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...since you are planning to seperate,why are you bothered with in -laws opinion or collecting proof for them.
    They are not a part of your future.

    You already have to deal with your parents,why add on to that.

    Why waste your precious time?You are young,don't waste your time with someone you do not want to be.

    I also feel it is better you tell your husband your plans so that he can have alternate plans for himself.
    However flawed he may be, it is not right to give him hope while all the time thinking of separation.

    Like you wrote,he had other proposals,he can look at those options.
     
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  9. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

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    Did you meet a divorce lawyer already? If you are planning to proceed to divorce anyway, may be it is a good idea to meet with one. So you can get some advice on it early on. Since your husband has an addiction which he doesnot want try to quit, it might be similar to an abusive relationship. It is very hard to come home after work to a loveless home.
     
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  10. Hopeless4lyf

    Hopeless4lyf Senior IL'ite

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    Not at all misunderstanding you. nor Was this post a venting ground. The reason why I posted is because as I mentioned I moved to U.S at the age of 10, though still in very much touch with my roots such things are only heard of via entertainment n not real life so I wanted to make sure I got real perspective on this.

    Also the reason why I am collecting proofs n all is because
    A. so his parents can see with their own eye.
    B. so i can question my own parents why they didn't know he was constantly lying if they were the ones who took the responsibility of saying he will change.
    C. I don't want to be held on guilt trip that I didn't give him time. although technically I didn't give him time this past year itself was a time enough for him. and if he has no will power to change in that time few months wont help
     

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