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Striking A Balance!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2016, Sep 5, 2019.

  1. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Hope all ILites are doing great..I am finally settling in here at IIT with loads of assignment and quizzes :) THe course work is hectic beyond imagination.. I am currently staying in a hostel with my kiddo at parent's place..I love this place, the intellectual challenge, the neural activity, i cycle to classes with a college bag etc etc but I also feel disturbed may be due to my insecurities..

    I am 31 (I dont know why I feel ashamed saying this!) but looks 23-24..not a big deal..I basically sit in classes, attend labs with freshers who are 5-7 yrs younger to me...Everyone have either formed their gangs or trying to gel up..My parents stay close so I run home whenever I dont have assignments or quizzes as I miss my daughter a lot...So no chances of socializing in the hostel or mess with girls...Guys were good enough but the moment they know that am an external candidate they pester me for year of passing and run away..I mean whats the harm in having a healthy relationship with either of the genders irrespective of age just like here in IL? I think i dont have that flamboyance in me to make friends..

    I try being helpful and jovial to everybody.I initiate conversations..how many times do i need to do it..If i dont talk nobody cares.. .And the fact I could not deny is I feel lonely even in the midst of so many people...But my mind rationalize it well saying that I am not a kid like them and ought to act matured.Its like I can neither compare my life with my college mates nor become a fresher all of sudden...Have anyone of you been in a position like mine? Or am the only 30 yrs old doing a masters in a college with regular students:( How to strike a balance?
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

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    I have been in a similar situation. I don't think the age gap matters. It's the thought process. I started my masters when I was 26 and I had an 8 month old tagging along me. I didnt have any friends or acquaintances since I was living alone with the baby. But I got a few friends in the third semester. I was 3-4 years older than most of them, but I used to invite them to my home for tea (with homemade snacks) or a dinner. They all were unmarried people (I didnt have anything against married people, but these people were not) with limited interest in cooking whereas I love cooking. So whenever I make something i used to share with them, since they were my neighbors too. So we bonded over food, and occasionally they baby sat my kid while I worked in my research lab. Two of them are still best friends with me, after several years. You just have to find something to bond with - like good food, movies,books etc. You will have to try hanging out with several people to know that. Some people have a different life style, so it just wont work out. But initially don't ignore any opportunities to socialize. Who knows, you might get a friend or two for life!!
     
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  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    I don't think it's about the age but since you're married and have a kid maybe your classmates just ass,he you're too busy to socialise and too busy to hang out and maintain friendship...of course you're old and mature enough but at any age we feel the need for friends ...would suggest you to make small efforts to spend time with classmates..like making small talk, hanging out for coffee tea with them, eating meals together in the mess, discussing about latest movies etc...friendships are formed over a period of time once they start liking you as a person and come to know your good nature..things like sharing gossip, girl talk , etc really brings friends close.
     
  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    You have a long way in your coursework and things will fall in place sooner. I like the suggestion by @Angela123 . Bond with them over food or something which interests you. Just that they need sometime to get adjusted to a married woman with a kid. :)
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    Yes sorry age matters. considering the difference is 7-8 years. this is not about maturity. it is just how it is .

    and there is nothing wrong about your age . If i read it you are doing your Masters in IIT . You life is not going to be easy. I am actually jealous of you. That was my dream institute. worked day and night, still did not make it.

    now the hard part, forget a little that you are a parent . sometimes , if you think you get a chance to socialize, go ahead do . because you will learn a lot, trends , job prospects, networking. that will help.

    also god has give you another chance, to be a student. if you get opportunities to do crazy stuff ( i do not mean in an bad way) , do. sorry, i view this as a golden chance.

    IIT if i remember , you get to earn your respect with your academics and contributions, use that , if it makes sense.
     
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  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Finest Post Winner

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    Friendships are formed usually out side of the classroom.
    The jokes shared and the pranks pulled become interesting conversation starters inside the classroom.
    Apart from all the hardships of doing masters, there is also an element of lifelong friendships that form in college.
    If you are running home every single time , you are giving a signal that you have other priorities (am not saying thats wrong) over bonding/networking with your friends/classmates.
    To be considered a part of the gang - your sense of humour should match theirs, your interests should be fun to join in and you should be willing to invest time and effort and interest in the gang.
    Age does count but it is not the primary importance.
     
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  7. EightKittens

    EightKittens Senior IL'ite

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    As a life long academician at this point, I'll reiterate what some of the others have said. I remember the days when I first realized that I was now older than the other students in the classes I was taking, or in my study group or whatever. Then I met other people who were even older than me. I met people who were in their 40s and 50s. And they were so open about their age, their reasons for taking a break from school, their life experiences, their reasons for coming back to school now, and we would talk about what we covered in a class, working on together on some problems, studying together in the library..and I realized that all the awkwardness I was feeling about being 3-4 years older than everyone else in my classes was just in my head. It simply doesn't matter if you don't let it matter.

    Plus being an awful cook, I also appreciated when they would bring me any kind of food :D
     
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