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Stressed Out...very Lonely

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rubyru, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

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    Omg! Men like you are the reason indian wives suffer post marriage depression
    Are the wife and kids not his family?
    It is the same wife who gave him her everything, left her parents and home, shifted places n gave birth to kids who are as "his" as they are hers.

    Now if you gonna say all women leave their homes and adjust...well then take this - all women give their everything for their husbands n family why cant the men show some love and affection?.

    Really if women get fat and husbands lose interest then women shod divorce men who are losing hair or getting pot belly or who is not maintaining hygeine or turning her on as per her wishes.
     
  2. KitchSwitch

    KitchSwitch New IL'ite

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    My response was rather terse so let me explain.Neve said men are excused from maintaining hygiene or keeping fit. Keeping well and attractive is responsibility of both. The OP didn't describe her husbands fitness scenario. Often we all (men and women) find excuses, some of them you mentioned above, to not stay fit. The OP's husband definitely shares equal responsibility in maintaining that relationship. However men will be men. So you rather do something about it than put him at fault. Please note, your affection is not going to solve OPs problem. I would be interested to know what OP has to say.
     
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    WOMEN WILL BE WOMEN
     
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  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a necessary comment.... no matter how many "Omg! Men like you are the reason indian wives suffer post marriage depression" come back in responses, in words as well as in emoticons.

    Arranged marriages, or quick-love/horny?-at-first-sight-to-marriages do not have any premarital emotional connection between partners. This results in couples looking at each other as objects, and evaluate "the worth" in whatever tangible descriptors they have in their analytical capacity. When neither party takes/has no time to get to know the other, their estimate of the "worth" of the other stays the same even after a couple of kids arrive on the scene.

    If the post marital behavior involves the new wife quickly assuming the role of an expectant mother, and chief cook & maidservant at home, and the married man assumes the role of "provider & payer of all bills", the emotional connect never happens. He will continue to look at her as X-kilograms of sex-object/maid, and she would look at him as the source Y-rupees/month, who should also perform in bed the same as he used to. Totally unrealistic expectations.... resulting in misery all around. Man dreams of a size-0, with big tatas and wife blames kismet:facepalm::facepalm:. They both would have one positive thing going for them: they may look around, and see a whole lot of the others on the same boat. After all that's what brought out the comment: ""Omg! Men like you are the reason indian wives suffer post marriage depression""
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2019
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  5. Tryinghard2013

    Tryinghard2013 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    I will tell you something which is a little hard to hear but it was the biggest truth of my life. I was in a very similar situation like you. My husband had no interest in intimacy with me. He would plainly tell me on my face that I am not attracted to you. I was inconsolable. I felt worthless. There were months without intimate and he would have the same attitude towards it like urs does. Just like it’s a favor. I kept on sulking and feeling depressed coz we were living separate lives in separate rooms under the same roof.
    I later through some sources found out that he had a deep friendship with one of his female friends. And it had been going on since years. Though it was emotionally influenced, this lady was brainwashing him to sever ties with me giving various reasons like there is no respect, love , compatibility in your marriage and what not. I could never have imagined that my hubby being so religious was emotionally attached to a lady and it was messing my marrid life big time. He had even threatened divorce to me without giving me proper reasons. I am not sure if it was a physical relation too as some time but not too sure about it.
    Can you check on your husband for this kind of activity? Just a suggestion but there might be a reason behind he putting u so down.....
    Since I blasted him and let his family know, things are much better. Though he may still be in touch with this lady, he knows that I know and is a changed husband like 70% better.
     
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  6. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    OP
    Your husband may be involved elsewhere.
    His affair, emotional or physical, is out of your control.
    Step 1- may last one yr
    Take care of yourself, get urself together
    Step 2- after step 1, may last one yr
    Work in marriage, all around, intimacy and everything else
    Even after 2 yrs, if things do not improve then ur husband is out of your range and u can wait for good time to return and live ur life with kids, in marriage buy with head held high and putting urself on pedestal.
     
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  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Ghatiya Soch, that’s all.

     
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    I had to go and translate that.... and got "bad thinking" from google-translate.
    @KitchSwitch did express a widespread notion in the minds of men, not just indian BTW.
    We must have such honest inputs here in this forum.

    It is unfortunate that women are not imaginative on their own, or educated well enough on the subject of what makes sustained marital happiness possible.

    I am sure that this thread might have an equivalent in an all male-desi forum, where the mother-of-two could be a hot commodity, and a cougar, while the husband of 15 years would have totally turned pear-shaped, and not at all what he'd been 15 years ago.
     
  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Finest Post Winner

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    She is definitely not the same person he met 12 years ago.
    1. She was not a wife dealing with in-laws relationship management
    2. She was not cooking/cleaning/working for him
    3. She was not a tired mother.
    If marital happiness comes only from being at a right weight and right height, I am not sure how many marriages in this world will be termed happy marriages.

    How do you know that she is fat? She is clearly mentioning that many of her friends and relatives say that she is not fat. Why are you not considering her response before concluding that men lose interest in fat wife.

    So all those women who are over weight do not have any right to expect love from their husbands, is it ?
    For a woman to be loved and shown some interest in, she must be of right weight otherwise just live with rejection- is that what you are saying??

    Getting rid of post pregnancy weight is not as easy as it appears. Men who judge a mother's weight are outright shameless because they have no idea what pregnancy does to a woman's body and mind and yet capable of judging.


    upload_2019-7-16_21-43-57.png
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2019
  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    He is also not the same man she met 12 years ago. He is fat now,gone bald.
    She is providing and doing the same work for the household now.
    She has given a bonus to the relationship as well . A CHILD ,bundle of joy
    Sorry women lose interest in fat, bald ,same productivity level husband's. :treadmill:
     

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