Hi My sister is engaged and working and lives with parents. Now my mom is very old (70+) and weak. Brother and me lives far. She does not go out much and just cooks for everyone and does other work. They have maids but you know how maids bring in headache too. They use her mild nature, age and steal and do not work too. Inspite of paying, mom works with them in the kitchen and or reduces work for them but doing 90% of dishes herself, cleaning clothes or home and also feeding them. Now mom expects same my sis to do same amount of work and if someone, tries to talk to her like 'doing less work', she gets high. She does not have any energy to do all this but won't stop and also will want others to do same. Outside home, she is v polite and submissive and can not ask or get others to do anything for her. People/neighbors literally use her like 'go to market with them' when she can not walk. Maids do not take her seriously like skip days, work and won't come , take back and some times leave some tasks. My mom gives them extra food and money but you know.. Now its been my sis and my parents living for some time and my mom does most of the work. Mother cooks, cleans, packs lunch. Mother wants sis to do household world and they argue a lot. Because my sis does not have that much patience and chores in India are just too much and mom then keeps pushing ( I know that). I think my sis does lot of work too but at this age of my mom, they get very stubborn and being care taker of home, mom ( most women, my MIL is worse, I am same) wants things to be done in this way, that way. Once mom had surgery, and sis did not do much work and she keeps telling me. I know mom anyways wd not have stopped from doing chores but at 1 point, sis refused probably, so mom keeps telling me that. This time they had big drama. Mom packs lunch for sis in the morning and she does not help. One day they had fight and sis said, I will cook for myself, you can not cook for me (1 person). In the evening also, what special dishes you cook for me. I have to find snacks for myself etc. In the evening, sis comes home, always sends dad to bring snacks. Now she is engaged and mostly on phone or self caring/attending, that bothers mom a lot. She needs someone to speak to her always. Now I tried to talk to sis and mom on phone, mom you do not have to cook lunch everyday. 1/2 /week she can eat out. I think sis does not like to spend her own money on food. She likes to spend on clothes/fashion. I tell, mom is not your maid. Even I do not make snacks/water/tea for my H when he comes home. Unless he demands or he picks himself usually. Lower your expectations. But my mom is crying and crying. Sis is younger and will be okay. She will talk to her fiancee and will be fine. But what about mom. What do i do to calm them or control them from fighting. It is just couple months she will b married away. They call me and I, here, 1000s miles away, lose my balance when I have my own daughter making me crazy.