Strange Behavior Of In Laws Not Able To Understand...

This is a universal problem, in laws problems are faced by almost every other person including late princess Diana. So you aren't alone. Just figure out ways to deal with them n remember to stand up for yourself, n don't take abuse.

What are you expecting from them? (You can answer that to yourself)

With the way you said about each one, they sound like typical in laws.

She is trying to show that she is superior to you in terms of her lifestyle provided by her husband. She is just not realising that your current lifestyle is also the result of your husband, who is also 'her brother'. So who is she putting down here, her own brother ?

Ignorance about style- go for whatever is affordable by you, it also comes by practise n people around you. Style doesn't always mean expensive. You can grasp the style from people around you and learn n try n test n check. You will also be surprised at the number of people who buys stylish clothes n accessories from street market for cheap prices but just wear it in rich style.

Isn't it her son ? Doesn't she know what or how he eats ?

Why are you waiting for her to give hot water ? Go take it yourself. Don't wait around for her to give permission for everything.

Rest of the stuff sounds like a typical mil story. If you are expecting a friendly, understanding, loving mil, that's tough. And maybe you can be one like that when your time comes.

Don't fall for this. Some of them jus says it n never means it. N if your mil n Sil are such style icons. Ask them to style you, you are her daughter, right ? Say, "please you teach me".

Don't do any name insert or name change now. Don't give this topic any importance. Just let it go.

Your Fil's criticising is also a typical in law's thing, unfortunately.

Don't let any of this get to you. Don't take every word seriously. Many of us ladies goes through this, just different variations n seriousness.

You can learn, change, improve wherever you feel to do so.

As time goes, you will learn what / when to ignore, stand up and deal with them.

 

From what I understand you live with your father and sister in a home that you bought with your money ? The IL's visiting or live with you ?
The SIL is a insecure and probably jealous that you are more capable than she is . I think same goes for the MIL. Hence they try to show you that they are better than you and that they lead better lives with better choices. Pity them for their stupidity , you should be very proud of your resilience and strength. But make sure that they don't disrespect you in any way.
As for FIL commenting on your career, I think there is insecurity there as well because he has his daughter doing nothing with her life and here you are managing work, home etc. He has no right whatsoever to ask you to include your husband's name in the property. Next time , make it clear that it will not happen under any circumstances .
You have a lot on your plate, make sure that you stand your ground when it comes to inlaws issues. You have to let them know subtly that you have a mind / opinions of your own . Or else they have no qualms walking all over you.
Wish you the best.

 

Can I add that don't expect much from the IL's , even your MIL and you will be happy. Don't go out of your way to please them, be cordial that's it. If you do too much , you also expect something from them. Watch out for yourself and your husband's health. Make sure that he is not eating the spicy food she cooks.

 

Deniki panikostarra nayana veellanta boomiki bharam tappa cha

 

Op....you are such an inspiration .
You have a tough life but you cruise along.

Regarding the house,don't ever change the name on ownership of house. You are the proud owner and you have dependent sister and dad. Do not change anything.
If fil says again ,tell him he is your husband and hence what is your is his too for life and you feel no need to make any changes .period.

As for sil....she has a complex. You have achieved so much and she has only her husband to be proud of.

Next time she starts her own praise...politely cut her off with a smile saying ' yes,you are really lucky. Hope someday your brother can also provide me with such a life and I can also live a little easier '.Smile and move away. Don't let her put you down .

Cook less spicey food for all. It is good for every one. Keep curd handy. If mil makes something very spicey ,just add curd and let your husband eat that. You are married to that man and his health should be top priority.
You can keep some khichdi mix ready and every time the food is spicey...put the mix in the cooker and let him eat that. May be then your mil will realise.

Khichdi mix....just mix raw dal ,rice and spices and salt and keep . Add a tomato and cook .

Ignore nonsense about your dressing sense etc.

 

Dear OP,

First of all kudos to everything that you do! Managing home, work, in laws and at the same time taking care your family you are a great human being! You should be proud of yourself. You are already doing a lot.

About your SIL.
She is clearly insecure that you are managing everything your own and she has to depend up on her husband for everything. Next time whenever she is coming to comment use the same thing against her. Tell her “Yes I spend only 40 -30rs for parlor but I think it works for me”

Also change the topic to anything general. Movies, politics. Else move away from that situation (the same way your MIL does!).Learn from them! The more you let them talk the more they will keep on taunting you!


About MIL

Cooking
You said whatever you cook will be in the dustbin. Cook as per the need. I wonder how you budget with 2 cooking in the same house! I manage a time table for my kitchen which is visible to anyone who is working in the kitchen!. I put the time table for the whole week on Friday and buy grocery accordingly!

Spicy food
Before putting the chillipowder take something aside for your husband. If your MIL is cooking tell her to do the same thing.

Otherwise cook just for your parents and husband. Let your MIL cook for herself and FIL. So you are not worried about being your food wasted. Every DIL goes through these dramas in the starting of the marriage. As the year progress we gain strength, energy and power in our kitchen and home!

About your FIL
Is he retired? If so very very common scenario! When they don’t have anything to focus they sit and criticize whatever goes at home. In your case it is you. Just ignore. It is really hard to convince FILs. The more you ignore the better for you. Else just nod whatever he say and walk away!

First of all you have to understand you are a good human being and because of their insecurities they are attacking you! Your main focus should be your career and your DH. You have mentioned this is the initial days of marriage. Try to make a bond with your husband. Make sure you guys discuss everything with each other. Once you have a strong bond with your DH rest everything will fall in place.

Never ever give your whole salary and property to your DH or In laws. You should know how to manage your finance. You should be knowing how your husbands salary is spend. You have to keep your financial security. Never try to buy love with money(mainly for your MIL!) That greediness is never going to end!

End of the day they are your in laws not your own parents. However you treat them, One day they will show you their real color and you will be in depression. So don't give any chance for it!(learned from my own experience)

 

Umm... You ... haven't shared the age group and prior condition of your ILs (FIL and MIL). The usual pattern that I have seen is something like this :-

FIL : If he worked in a government org and retired, he has a tendency to show his importance. Criticizing is a part of it. This is how usually males established authority in govt jobs and life in general. So, no wonder he is doing that. Praising SIL and her husband is a form of a self praise. He raised SIL and he selected her husband --unless that was a love marriage. So, again, no wonder.

MIL : She seems like a person who has concerns for her son. A bit too much if you ask me. So she will prioritize him over anyone else. You didn't mention if you DH is the only son. If he is, more so than.

SIL : I will be thrashed in this forum for saying this, but jealousy thy name woman. She is kind of jealous of you being capable of earning. This is the main issue. All her behavior stems from this. Then there is usual SIL rivalry.

Overall, I do not know how you ended up marrying in this family, but the overarching motive is simple. Your MIL and FIL want to ensure that you are completely devoted to your DH .. in every sense of the word. Hence all the behaviour. They are also aware of their son's medical condition, which from your description seems like either a gestro issue or a hormonal one. It is a kind of insecure behaviour, they don't need to enforce this on you using these pressure tactics and 'hot and cold' tactics they are playing. Hot by criticising you every now and then and cold by telling you how your past life was not good at all and you are in a better place. Honestly, it will only stress you and put bitterness in the otherwise normal relationship.

SIL is an irritant and a no player in this. She... has nothing to do with your life. Mostly she is acting out of jealousy.

Now, the biggest missing piece here is your DH, don't know how your relationship is with him. If you like him enough then all you need is that ILs -- who are actually acting childish to be honest -- need to give both of you space, this may come in the form of living apart or in a different city. Rest is well, usual stuff. OH on the financial part. Do not include any one in the title deed of you property atleast for now. Also never sign a GPA etc if they ask it.