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Story of My In laws .. - Confused and disappointed

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Udasgirl, Dec 16, 2014.

  1. Udasgirl

    Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Girls,

    I just wanted to share my in laws story with you all and want advice..
    I got married in 2007 arranged marriage and after few months we shifted abroad so I had minimum exposure to in laws side (we only went there couple of times then)... for almost 4 years since then we just go back to india once a year only for few weeks so dont get to stay much at in laws place. But when I was there i had good relations with MIL and FIL. They seem to be happy with me but I noticed my MIL is very wierd towards my hubby (never cared for him - never cooked his favorite food - never had a tear in eyes when we leave ) I mean these are things which my mom always does so i find it wierd.. height was this incident when she cook less daal (she always cooks very less - never feel satisfied with her food) my hubby asked her to cook more daal for next day and she did so but my hubby was not that well next day so he did not eat as much as he wanted to then my MIL said to him 'why did you asked me to cook more dal, you did not eat not it will be leftover' what nonsence... also once we went for outing and my hubby like jilebi veru much so his father got jalebis on the way and my hubby had 2 and wanted to have more but MIL said ' hey now I want it too so enough for you' I cant beleive her comment when she knows we stay abroad cant have these delicacies there and we come to india only for few days in year still she said that..how selfish... that was a clue that something is wrong in this family....
    Later when i got pregnant, my MIL came abroad for my delivery and I got to see the problem one day (just 20 days after my delivery) when my hubby and MIL had a big fight over past issues and MIL decided to leave the house at 11PM!!! she coudnt so she went to her room and remain slept there for whole night and whole of next day ... i was so weak and miserable and baby was crying a lot but she did not come out from room, later my hubby opologised and she rejoined....
    Later my hubby told me that he had very wierd childhood and his mom was always people pleaser and wanted to look good in eyes of world (she has her issues with in laws & always used to create dramas at home almost everyday but she never took firm steps to avoid it) she was like pehele karo aaur fir gali do types.... FIL is very emotional types and he takes all the blame on him but I think he was been confused by my MIL all the time as she is a kind of person who would die but do her duties and then also fight and make other's life helllllll... I started discovering that she has this habbit of talking to herself and laughing and crying in bathroom and I have seen her behaving like mad person ... she alwasy used to bore me with stories of her in laws (praising her side relatives and gossiping abt in laws side people).... still i did not say anything as she was at my home to help so alwasy respected her, given her attention, shown her sympathy as well for her suffering.... But my hubby does not like his parents - he says they have never given him anything that he wanted (both his parents were earning) but he used to get only 1 set of cloth per year + even small things like cycle, radio or even sometimes buisucits or toast (my in laws used to hide snacks so that my hubby doesnt eat it), his parents have alwasy done so much for relatives but no one cared for them but they have always side tracked him (my hubby), he has very bitter memories of childhoood whener his mum used to create dramas at home and even she has once slapped her FIL etc... I think my MIL just wanted to show that she is good etc but does not have endurance to sustain it.... she always says she does not want anything, she does not give advice, she doesnt interfere blah blah but when we had fight again this year when we went to india she said some terrible things about me too that means she gets bothered by many things but shows that she doesnt care...... Now our relation with them is very cold (not that my hubby was close to them ever) but I have noticed that my MIL loves her daughter so much (younger SIL - younger to us almost 7 years).. she has done nothing in her life - watched TV serials, wasted imp years of study, she is just graduate that too third class and my in laws keep praising her in front of us for stupidest thing like she knows how to make reservation online etc... but never praise me that I am working full time taking care of child etc.... my MIL is just 56 years old - looks helathy but keeps complaining when anf if my hubby request her to cook his favourite food like aloo paratha she clearly refuses but does lot for my SIL...
    can parents specially mother be such indifferent towards her own son... my hubby has lost job in last month and we told in laws abt it, but they did not even ask, how we are doing or has my hubby found job yet... rather when we call them during diwali this year my hubbby wished my MIL happy diwali and she said cold voice ' kamaka bolo kya hai' ...... how can a mum act like this ??? girls please advise me how should I behave in this situation... my MIL is very wiredo...the simplest thing i say she will have something wierd to say... plz advice
     
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  2. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Just be cool distant and go on with your life.
    I don't see any problem that you actually need to deal with. Agreed feels really bad to see a mother behave like this with her own child but trust me there are many out there like that. Your hubby had decided how he handles it. It's his parents so stand by him. Try to do more for him that he missed all these years. Being a mom you would care and understand more.
    It's not really good place or need to do anything in this situation so leave it to your hubby. You don't totally know their past avoid getting into it unnecessary.
     
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  3. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I don't think it is your place to fix the relationship between your DH and his parents. They have set their tone over the years. You just be courteous to your ILs.

    How they think about you doesn't mean anything. Why do you expect them to praise you for going to job and taking care of your child? Isn't that your duty, responsibility and joy?

    You don't seem to have any problem here. Don't create anything out of nothing.
     
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