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Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my mind

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Helpmeplease127, Jun 13, 2012.

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  1. Oct 16, 2012 #51
    mercyagin

    mercyagin Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Please go for counselling. I believe you have been deeply impacted by your moms behaviour. You cannot change anyone around you except yourself. Your situation might be due to post partum depression. Please seek for professional help.
     
    mercyagin, Oct 16, 2012
    mercyagin, Oct 16, 2012
    #51
  2. Oct 16, 2012 #52
    ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Hi Help,
    I have seen this sort of behavior with my grand parents. They treat sons children very well and ignore daughters. They feel that sons are the ones who take care of them during old age. so they give extra importance on the cost of daughters peace.
    I would suggest you to maintain distance from your parents. Be happy that you have a supportive understanding husband and dont get this ruined on the cost of your mothers tantrums. If they have truly loved you they should have forgiven your mistakes. It is time for you to show toughness and stay away. You have a loving family and son now. Let none disturb and impact you.
     
    ivlakshmi, Oct 16, 2012
    ivlakshmi, Oct 16, 2012
    #52
  3. Oct 16, 2012 #53
    Helpmeplease127

    Helpmeplease127 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    I am not able to counselling because my son is only 5 months and husband keeps travelling for job or comes home late.
    I kmow they shouldnhave forgiven me but was I at fault at all? Whatnthe hell is this guilt i feel for a father who never stood up for me. I keep going back to those 3 days in hospital and wondering if he felt so badthat we didnt call him inside surgery or next day etc.
    My mum and dad troubled us so much by never listening to my small requests during pregnancy that i too had lost my empathy i guess. I know it was for my good and he didnt lose anything by not visiting etc but an irrational part of me keeps feeling bad for him and guilt.
     
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 16, 2012
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 16, 2012
    #53
  4. Oct 17, 2012 #54
    Geetanjalikumar

    Geetanjalikumar Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Even God can not help you, if you refuse to help yourselves. You are not able to forget the incident because you do not want to forget it.
    Your parents have apologized. They must have moved on. Please forget what has happened and move on.
    You have a baby now who needs your complete attention. Concentrate on your baby and your future.
    When ever you think of those thoughts, force yourself to think about a good incident in your life, listen to music, watch tv, play with your baby, work around the house.
     
    Geetanjalikumar, Oct 17, 2012
    Geetanjalikumar, Oct 17, 2012
    #54
    1 person likes this.
  5. Oct 17, 2012 #55
    Helpmeplease127

    Helpmeplease127 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Geeta I can forget everything but the guilt stops me in my tracks. I dont know how to get over it. My husband is extremely sensible very understanding and good man and he says he saw everything that happened and its not my fault at all in fact it was my parents fault all the time. He says take this as 3 rd neutral person action and move on. I guess i still want someone else to make see the truth better.
    When i think about the fights i feel poor dad mom must have really instigated him and told lies. My husband says even if she did do that my dad is a grown man who runs his own hospital how could he get brainwashed so badly against his daughter.
    My mum fell sick after abusing us and dad got scared that she will die or something and thats why blasted me the next day.
    Accordimg to husband no matter what dad should have thought rationally which he didnt. Husband says my guilt is rubbish and i should accept what my parents are.
     
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 17, 2012
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 17, 2012
    #55
    3 people like this.
  6. Oct 17, 2012 #56
    mercyagin

    mercyagin Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Dear, you have a very good husband. I dont think you need any of the ladies support or advice. As your husband keeps on travelling, you might be feeling lonely and then you start thinking about the past. Whenever you feel low, take your baby out and play with the baby.
     
    mercyagin, Oct 17, 2012
    mercyagin, Oct 17, 2012
    #56
  7. Oct 17, 2012 #57
    Geetanjalikumar

    Geetanjalikumar Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Your husband answered your questions.

    Dear, sometimes we go thorough such unfortunate situations in life. Thinking over it and feeling sad will not do any good. It will only spoil your peace of mind and health.
    Dear, We can not change something that happened and we can not change the people involved in the incident. Your husband is right, when he told you that you need to accept the way your parents are.
    Please do not think as why your parents behaved that way. Please do not try to answer such questions. Sometimes our own loved ones are unreasonable towards us. Whatever the reason may be your dad and mom were rude to you in past. They realized it and apologized to you. Instead of crying over what happened, please try to forgive them and move on from that incident.
    It's just a simple misunderstanding and it happens in everybody's life. There's nothing serious to feel guilty about it. Look around and watch people having more serious problems. The problem you are facing might seem a mole before a mountain.
    You have not done anything wrong. Tell yourself that over and over again. Please try to forget what happened. Unless you forget about it you will not stop feeling guilty. You have not committed any crime. So get over with it.
    Few years down the lane when you become more matured, if you look back you will feel it very silly. So, please do not waste your life over such issue. Spend quality time with husband and your new born baby. This time will never come back.
    May God give you the strength you need.
     
    Geetanjalikumar, Oct 17, 2012
    Geetanjalikumar, Oct 17, 2012
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  8. Oct 18, 2012 #58
    Helpmeplease127

    Helpmeplease127 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Thank you. I keep thinking and my entire childbirth time has been shadowed by this incident.
     
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 18, 2012
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 18, 2012
    #58
  9. Oct 18, 2012 #59
    FreeSpirit20

    FreeSpirit20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Dear, now don't waste this time of bonding with your baby still under the shadow of that incident.

    We usually love and glorify our parents a lot, which is fine but we forget that they too are humans and can make mistakes. Take this incident as a lesson and try to move on. Teach yourself that the situation was bad, not you or your parents. If you are unable to forget it, atleast understand and divert your mind elsewhere.

    I completely go by what Geetanjali has advised you. No one can really help you unless you help yourself come out of that misery. Try to be happy for your baby and your DH, create a better environment and do things you like. You can try yoga or meditation too.


     
    FreeSpirit20, Oct 18, 2012
    FreeSpirit20, Oct 18, 2012
    #59
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  10. Oct 18, 2012 #60
    Helpmeplease127

    Helpmeplease127 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

    Thanjs freespirit, the reason i think why i cannot forget is for the first time i realized how much my mum is jealous of me. She has shown these traits before but i never expected it at this time. Also first time i saw how much my dad gets influenced by my mums lies.
    I am born in a wrong family because i am too sensitive.
    My parents have always shown these tendencies and even tho my dad claims to love me he also refused to come be with me during the first delivery and i lost my son then again every time i went to india mom would pick fights or ignore me or feel insecure and then dad would side her or stop speaking with me etc. He saw her nature but still never stood by me or protected me.
    I cannot imagine how my parents did this, ie fight with me 3 days after my csection. I could have died of a cardiac arrest the way they blasted us when i was in hospital.
    Forget dying they forgot how many deaths we died those 3 years waiting for this baby after our first child passed away at 35 weeks.
    Its just too much and i dont even feel like wishing them well anymore.
    I think i know what my problem is. My mind refuses to believe i have such crazy insensitive parents a jealous mom etc so it keeps convincing me that i must have provoked them for them to behave how they did.
    And then when it convinces me i feel guilty, its an endless vicious cycle.

    Can you tell me how to break this cycle, have u read the entire story and do u think i provoked them. Maybe once my mind accepts my parents are bad fullstop i will start feeling acceptance and this cycle will end.
    I think about the good times as well, that they came here after all for me, my dad left his work for 3 monthsfor me etc
    My husband says i shud not view this as black or white they are grey and we all are grey.
    My husband says how can i feel guilty for parents who abused him so much. He says if it was anyone else he wouod have asked them to get out or even abused them back. He kept quiet. Hes a great person i know that.
    But where do i go. How to stop this cycle of thoughts.

    Thanks
     
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 18, 2012
    Helpmeplease127, Oct 18, 2012
    #60
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