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Stop Working And Be A Home Maker_inputs Please

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by saileela85, May 22, 2019.

  1. sbonigala

    sbonigala Finest Post Winner

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    Hi OP,
    I have done what you are saying here - took a break for 3 years.
    I'll give you an idea of how it went for me, maybe it helps you to take a decision.
    Quit job and spent time with kids , moved abroad.
    Every morning - wake up, make tea and BF for DH, get DD ready to school, BF for kids and walk to school.
    Every Evening - pick her up from school, play with them for a while, DH comes home - so chai and biscuit with him and know about his day, cook, feed and eat dinner.
    Sounds super relaxing - yea ?

    But No, there is dishes, laundry, kids showers, vacuuming, mopping and a strong wish for ME time - and solid interest to read but having relatively less time for myself (because now I am 100% available for dishes, laundry, kids and other bills to be paid, online transactions, some other researches etc).
    Because I was home all day, the expectation was - there will be snacks ready in the evening - no one asked for it but I felt I need to cook some yummy snacks for kids and H which I couldn't do earlier when I was working.
    Because I was home, I was the one who always did school meetings with teachers because he is working and cant make it.
    Because I was home, there was very limited social interaction without kids around. I only had the chance to meet other stay at home mums. So the conversation was always about play dates, kid friendly recipes etc .

    Financial stress was building up. Kids grow up and so do expenses. Me not having a job, fear of growing expenses caused arguments between me and H because financial stress is bloody real !!

    So my idea of quitting job and relaxing went for a toss ! In fact having a paying job and suddenly staying home jobless caused me tonnes of stress because I felt I had to weigh my priorities every single time I want to buy something.

    I now have full time job and I relax at work. I read during commute. I figured out if I really want to relax - there are always pockets of time that I can make use of. I go for walks during lunch time. I read or sleep during commute. I catch up with friends after work. Now because I work too - everyone pitches in to help with home cleaning, laundry, dishes etc.

    I dread not having a job not only because of the money but also because of the unsaid expectations and unsaid stress of me staying home without earning.
     
  2. saileela85

    saileela85 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you all the lovely girls out there who took sometime and posted here ;gave me lot of motivation I am really feeling good today as I have spoken my heart out here.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  3. saileela85

    saileela85 Bronze IL'ite

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    one kid
    5
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
    hermitcrab likes this.
  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    :yum: Not you, but age of your child!!
    Now that we are on to age, how old is dH and how long has he been working? And when you ask him “ how was your day, dear?” What does he say about his work ? Girls must ask this and keep a watch on how the answers evolve over time.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
  5. saileela85

    saileela85 Bronze IL'ite

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    No issues with DH ..he is my best one I can say and too supportive.He ask me and even help with household chores.
    as I stated have migrated to a new country and need to start life from scratch and all the things like will I be able to cope up with jobs I am from IT keeping updated with technologyetc,buying a home etc etc keeps pulling my leg
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, the decision to quit a job, to go back to working or to bring about a major change in career has to be driven by a strong motivation and almost unshake-able resolve. If you are so undecided, then it is best to stick to what is working.

    I have been through all possible combinations of working, not-working, part-time, from-home, work for myself, back to work, second break .... At each point of change, I was 99% convinced the change was right for me and my family at that time based on what I knew then and what my family needed then. That's why the changes must have mostly worked and there is not much regret when I have the time to look back.
     
  7. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    One 5 year old, I would say keep working till you have second one in your lap. Take maternity leave, go back to work for few months and then may be go part time or leave work.
    This way you will have less break on resume. And also have paid maternity break and if you be given a part time at the same job after that.
    This option uses the momentum you have built up and uses it towards work and leaves energy to used in other areas of life.

    If you are not thinking of second one, then do what you want, take a break, get back to job whenever, and get back to whichever job; because here on your child is becoming more and more independent and you can spend a lot of time on yourself or your job or hobbies.

    If you plan a second one, then keep this job.

    Mine is totally different take on your question.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with above...when I was working I was so damn busy and I used to feel drained out and in need of a break...I had to take a break due to unavoidable reasons like company project shutting down, me having problematic pregnancy and managing baby on my own with limited family support...you know in beginning I was happy sitting at home..I thought I could relax...but no..that s not the case..
    Since I'm sitting at home everyone expects me to cook four meals a day, I'm also doing almost all household tasks, along with child care,the day the maid goes on leave its a big mess..I get stuck in different situations like anyone needs help for family function etc they expect me to be there early because I'm an SAHM..and if there are any guests , no one asks me before inviting because all assume I'm free to entertain them ..I'm not allowed the luxury of taking rest even when unwell...
    Due to single income we cannot arrange full time helps for household tasks or arrange a cook as maids and cooks are damn expensive in my area..also very difficult to go for vacation to good destinations and I need to think hundred times before buying anything that's costly..
    When in laws stay here it's so tough to stay24*7.. Everyone needs their space after all..
    I've not watched any movie at a stretch or got more than 30 min time to read book..
    And I actually don't have free time or me time with in laws dropping hints about how they need to take rest and DIL has to take up responsibility of all household tasks and cooking ..and baby screaming for attention..
    Many of my counterparts who are employed and have a kid- those who are earning good money spend generously on household helps and cook and out source all domestic chores..spend on expensive phone, gadget, vacation to exotic places without second thought..husband wife both work hard and enjoy life too with good combined income...my friends who are working keep themselves super busy and they don't have to entertain guests that much or spend much time with in laws and send their kids to top schools as they are not worried about fees and all...and they get respect and their husbands and kids and in laws pitch in to help and adjust to some extent ..atleast with respect to food they don't expect four fresh hot hot meals to be cooked everyday..once a day cooking happens, sometimes once in two days cooking also..
    Due to personal reason and baby and health issue I'm at home..but if I was in place of OP I would not quit the job, I would either take a vacation or switch to a light and less demanding job..
    just my opinion..
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    What you said about entertaining guests is so on point!!


    One of my relative who come to USA every year for six months live half hour from my place.He expects me to go to his house every week atleast once and talk to him or take him out coz am home.

    Sometimes some annoying neighbors who do nothing but gossip and get angry for every silly thing do not even understand when I don’t want to socialize or take part in those irritating potlucks..


    We hardly get to see you,you don’t come out.They don’t even say it with concern.It is more of an accusation!
    And then they get even comment snidely on watsapp

    I so want to give one tight slap( make it two)and tell them “mind your own business.you worry about your life and family.Don't your dare tell me what I need to do. Me socializing or not is not your bloody problem..PODI!! ( podi is a Tamil slang for get lost..want to tell it like OVIYA who came in big boss ):)

    Yeah I sound rude but you have no idea how good I feel to write it out:)Ahhhh! Bliss..

    More than money or anything else..
    Going for a job for few hours will seriously be a good answer for people to “stop expecting that you are free for their beck and call”.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    But you should go for work only if you want to..
    Not due to peer pressure or to prove a point to society..
    if you had friends and neighbours who were genuinely nice people, surely you would have enjoyed being an SAHM and wouldn't have felt the need to apply for jobs..
    I too have many neighbours and acquaintances in my complex, but they are not the kind of people who gossip like this, they are just too busy with their home and kids..also participation in potlucks is not mandatory and based on our convenience only..we just exchange pleasantries when we meet..
     
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