Staying Or Leaving

1) Do you have a green card? If not then think of the impact a separation will have on your immigration status.
Each state has different requirements and rules for divorce. Try looking up the ones for where you live and schedule a consult with a lawyer if you still have doubts. If visa status is an issue make sure you get legal advice accordingly.
2) Only you can decide what you can live with. A healthy relationship however should not involve having to always walk around on eggshells.
3) You can see a marriage counselor on your own, and it may help to gather your thoughts, get a fresh perspective and learn some new skills appropriate to your situation. If there are any women's help centers in your area see if they have low cost options. A counseling session can cost between $100-250 per hour and may be eligible for insurance if your plan allows.

 

First of all, while you are feeling very conflicted about being married to your husband, I do not advise that you try to conceive again. Yes, it does sound dumb (I'm not judging, I totally understand), because having a child so that your 2.5 year old baby will have a sibling, while you are already in a difficult marriage, will only put more burden on you. And if you are really interested in separating from your husband, you are being contradictory, by adding another human being into the mix.

1. If you really want to separate, you do not need to live separately before filing. Honestly, I don't know what the benefit of that is, unless you hope for a reconciliation. Before you start thinking about separation, you should figure out if you actually want to stay in the marriage. If you decide to leave, you have to create a plan, living situation, money, etc. While you are doing this, you should also research divorce attorneys. They are not all created equal, so you will have to search and meet them, to find someone that you think would be effective (this is time-consuming). You will also benefit having a counselor, to deal with your emotions during this time. Actually, start with the counselor.

2. It doesn't matter if it's common or not. If it's keeping you from creating a loving relationship with your husband, it's a problem. In my own experience, my marriage was affecting my son - he was watching the disrespect and the fights and the avoidance, etc. We have sons of similar age, they learn a lot at this age. Whether you wanted to stay or not, the marriage issues had to be addressed. It can not continue in the destructive path it is going.

3. Please start with a counselor. This should have been your first question. Find a marriage counselor or family counselor. This might sound tough, but you should find someone that your husband might respect. Finding a young woman or non-Indian person would be counterproductive. They are cheaper than a divorce, so you might as well try counseling. They range from $75-150/hourly - but you can use your health FSA or HSA money toward it. Also, if you cannot afford, talk to them, and they may find a way that works for you.

I have had a similar situation as you, but I was married for less time. I wonder if before you had children, was your relationship better? Was there a time that you loved him, and he understood you? Just because you think you want a divorce now, doesn't mean the marriage is dead. You could find a way to work things out. Please start with counseling, and invite him to join you. If you feel like a loser, work on yourself, with counseling. Once you feel like you are ready to work on your marriage, invite him to work with you. Like I said earlier, trying to make things work in your marriage is cheaper than divorce, so try what you can.

 

Please don't have another child when you are not in a happy marriage.

Tell him clearly you do not want another child to go through the trauma of watching the mother being disrespected and abused.
Tell him you already feel guilty making your child go through a strained environment at home.
Tell him clearly that the anger issues will have to be resolved permanently before you can ever think of another child.

Whether he goes for anger management or marriage counselling is his choice....but he has to do something to change himself. Period.

You have the embryo op..where is the hurry?
You can have the second baby a few years down the line if things get better in your marriage.

I don't know the law regarding this but maybe you can have that baby without your husband even if you separate .so chill.
A second baby without any behavioral changes in your husband will only trap you more into this marriage and this guy will have no reason to change.

Try telling him this and to hell with his anger. At worst he will make it easier to leave this marriage,at best he might realise you are really fed up and he might lose his wife and child.

 

Trying to make things work in a marriage and preserving Home is an effort, worth taking even countless number of times. Because, when a Home is broken, (separation), children are the worst sufferers.

 

OP, I think you are really confused. The issue you have mentioned is fixable to some extent if your dh cooperates.

Tell your husband what exactly you feel including your thought about separation. Everything you wrote here. Dont be afraid of him. Dont worry about his anger. Anyway you are thinking about separation.

Tell him that you want your emotional needs to be satisfied. You want a life with peace, respect , love but not fear. Only then you can satisfy his needs. Please don't bring a kid if you are uncertain about your future with him. Give some time to fix things.

May I ask you a question. Are you denying him intimacy? if so it can create anger and frustration in men.
Women and men think and behave in different ways as you are aware. Most women long for intimacy mostly when they are emotionally happy. But for many men they can connect emotionally only after a physical section. They will listen to everything if you talk to him after 'that'. I know it is tough for you. But that is way it is in many cases. But think about it. Just do it if you can if he approach you. Sorry if its irrelevant here.

I am totally against any kind of abuse. I think your issue is his anger. Convince him that he need to control his anger , if not you will walk way. Also tell that you gave up your plan to go for IVF as you dont want to bring another kid to suffer in this marriage & to live a life of fear. Be strong. Let him be angry again. Try your best. Don't give up. Shake him much so that he gets some realization that he is going to loose you and his kid