Stay Out Of It Or Look More Into It?

Op, Give it some time. Anyway her divorce is going to take another yr. Meanwhile ask her to introduce him to you. Talk to him and invite him over. In fact ask your sister and nephew to visit you. Tell her you miss her and nephew and want them to visit you.Pester as much as possible. Observe when she is with you how she interacts with the friend. Make your won inquires about the guy.

Chances are definitely there that your sister is emotionally vulnerable and she latched on to first comforting person during this ordeal. But at the same time, this friend maybe a good person too. You never know.Give it a chance. But take precautionary measures. Use this yr gap to dig into this person and find out if he is worth it. Don't mention anything to your sister until you are sure and have concrete proof about anything you find.

One of my friend's cousin was in similar situation. In her case , she took a leap of faith and married her classmate who proposed to her after divorce. In fact for him it was his first marriage. Now she is very happy and cudnt have asked for better. He dotes on her and treats her like queen. Her son is well taken care too. You never know. It works sometimes.Don't rush and insist you wud like to talk to the said friend and get to know him. Good Luck.

 

Its tempting to give advice as its hard to believe that there are men who are open minded and can genuinely love and care for a woman who is in her 40s and comes with a lot of baggage . But heres hoping she just got lucky the second time . I think she is old enough to make her decisions , you have to let go and trust her , unless you see some major red flags.

 

Op, Do you know the friend's full name. Where he works. Use your contacts and find as much as info about him. I know the major red flag is he wants to leave his family for your sister. The point is whether he is really genuine or just doing it for ulterior motive.

I know tickets can be expensive, but can you find an off season one for your sister and nephew to visit you.As much as your sister is going to be in 40's , she is still your sibling and you are right in worrying . You are a good sister. You have to take a bold step and ask around about the guy without being obvious. Good Luck.

 

Can you make discreet inquiries about the guy's background, job etc? Are your parents in the loop?

 

"Any person who would say that they would leave his whole family for a woman doesnt sit well with me. He doesnt want to even try (he is sure they would say no to this wedding because of religion). whats to say he wont leave my sister if a compelling reason pops up? "
Your reservations as above are very valid. At this stage, it is better to not discuss this with your sister till u have any evidence/major red flags. Of course, being away ,it may be difficult but you can use your reliable contacts without giving out too much information, and find out the boy's background, family, career etc.
About his not wanting to convince his family, it is understandable. My brother too decided to go ahead and marry against my parents wishes at the time, knowing they would never accept. This need not be a major issue. Only thing, your sister should be mature enough to know the issues that can arise in future due to this.
Take your time and do the background check. I think once you learn the basic background about him, you can talk to your sister and take it to next level of communicating with him. Best wishes for both of you.

 

A background check is important to make sure that your sister is not cheated again.
Is he married or unmarried. Or he has family in his native. Is he a genuine person. His family status etc..is he using her divorced status to his needs.

His explanation to leave his family for marriage is kind of unbelievable. You can warn your sister about it. I think it is your responsibility as a sister to covey your points. She should give her enough time before committing for another marriage

 

Leaving parents for a love marriage is definitely a bad thing but that doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. I have seen people do it and things can get better, parents do forgive n accept. Even when some don't, they still live happily except for the pain it causes whenever they miss them. That's gona be there.

Coming from a super traditional background, I can understand when someone says that their parents "cannot" be convinced, there are parents who says they are dead to them, n they stick by it for life. N with a divorce n special kid, this relationship gets even more complicated than only a religious difference, so I do believe what he says. I cannot see a single person accepting this marriage in any of my relatives or friends parents circle until unless their kid does something extreme, even then it's a doubt. So don't make a decision based "only" on this.

With the year you have in hand, understand their relationship. Talk to your sister about it as a friend rather than a critic. She may start opening up slowly n you will start understanding their relationship, his intentions n how he treats her n her kid.

Do a background check on him by hiring a personal investigator wherever he lives (check with friends or google to find the PI) n figure out everything about him, n check if his life is in line including his financials, family, work, past, friends, social life, etc. N if there's a red flag, speak to your sis about it.

She's been through so much, her silence about this subject is understandable as she's still legally married n don't want anyone's judgements about any decisions of hers.

She's 40, n been in an abusive marriage for so long, so I guess she would understand the seriousness of this relationship better than anyone.

There's no denying the "possibility" that he could be "the one". N that she may have finally found her happiness.

N in terms of family, there's a possibility that they may come around once they start missing their son n accept this marriage or it may never happen too.

How long has she known this person ? How long have they been at this relationship? Will your parents accept this?

N they have to wait another 1-1.5 years for the divorce to come through n get married.. all in all I think they have enough time to think this through.

I would suggest you to be there for her no matter how this develops. Whether she gets married again or not, whether that marriage succeeds or not, it will make a mountain of difference to have support system in place.