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started biting, scratching, pulling hair......plz advice

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by jignasha27, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. jignasha27

    jignasha27 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    My son is 19 months old. he gets over excited when he see other kids whom he knows well. In excitement he starts pulling their hair or clothes, sometimes scratches or bites. let me give example. we take him to gymboree play and music classes. its his favorite place. at first he use to play calmly and alone without disturbing other kids. but recently as he started recognizing everyone he disturbs evryone. he doesnt notice particular toy or equipment until other kids go and play with it. he goes and grab that toy or if its slide or small bridge he just walk by as if he didn't notice someone standing in middle. he tries to hug them ( only i know he is trying to hug, for other kids parents it looks like he is pushing). Indian parents understands that. but others what i observed is, just take their child away from that place. Am really feeling bad for this. i try to explain him. but he doesnt understand everything yet. he just started speaking 2 letter words. i try to explain him in sign language but i dont think hes getting it.
    today my neighbours daughter (4 yrs old) came to play. she was running with balloon in her hand. when ever she comes Shlok gets excited. she was not giving balloon and Shlok bit her so badly. her mom was not there. when she came i told her. shes my friend so she dint feel bad but told me try to explain him coz in india they will understand but here they wont. in school they call parents if kids do like this.
    Shlok is really going out of my hand. even at home if i say no(very firmly)he does it more. i try to give time out but just stands and run away. hes not getting that mamma is angry and this is punishment. how do i give time out. Am just scared what he will do in his terrible twos.
    sorry so looong..........
    plz some one advice. how to tell him that what he is doing is bad.
     
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  2. jayavk

    jayavk Senior IL'ite

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    hi jignasha,
    First of all relax your son is not even 2. All that you said is normal for a boy his age, as far as the biting is concerned may be he is getting his molars. Whenever he is in his mood swing you just calm down make a funny face and all will be fine.
     
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  3. kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Jignasha,

    Your son is too young to understand anything right now. But his behaviour can certainly create problems when he goes to school. Biting is not normal behaviour and I can understand your worry. Sometimes kids display this behaviour to seek attention. When he was not exhibiting this behaviour, were the other kids at gymboree playing with him ?

    Sometime back I watched an episode on BBC where this problem was being addressed. The child was made to sit on a time-out rug or stool. Even though initially the child ran off many times but each time the parent gently brought the child back to the stool till he realised that there was no escape. The kid threw a tantrum at first but finally gave in. When his behaviour returned to normal, he was rewarded with his favourite candy. The point is to make the child realise that his behaviour is upsetting others. All this while the mother or parent has to be calm and not show anger yet be firm. Initially the kid is unable to figure out why he is being made to sit on the stool against his wishes but if this "time-out" procedure is carried out for 2-3 days [each time the child exhibits bad behaviour], the kid begins to understand that he has done something wrong.

    Rules or instructions have to be given repeatedly in case of young kids. Good behaviour should be promptly rewarded. If ypu feel you are not successful with "time-out', then perhaps you can try not giving him his favourite toy or candy, whenever he behaves badly. You can also skip his gymboree classes for the next 2 days. When he rejoins, you can gently remind him about good behaviour.

    These things will take time and have to be done repeatedly. There is no overnight solution. It is always better to start early on these things. Just be at it, and sooner or later things will improve.


    love,
    kylie
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2012
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  4. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    As jaya mentioned it is very much a part of the terrible twos...and yes, you do have to teach him the boundaries.

    First prepare him for your expectations in social interactions...before you go to meet others or before other children come to play, explain the rules to him. Keep it very simple...and repetitive.
    "keep you hands to your self""no biting" say 'I want a hug' before hugging.
    Print out pictures from google images...you may even look for board maker symbols (preschools/primary schools use these widgets in class). Laminate them because you'll be using these for a while:) using pictures and signs reduces the amount of language a child has to process when he is excited...continue to use signs. Use the pictures to explain what you mean when you go over the rules. Keep these with you when your child plays with others...every now and then go over the rules with him and say, 'your hands are by your side...good job' recognize the appropriate behavior in context...that gives him the feedback on what he must do...

    There is a great book called '1, 2, 3, magic'...again, most preschools use this approach to teach boundaries. It is very non invasive and effective. You can even get a copy from your local library.

    The minute your son hits or bites, say "stop biting...stop hitting" then remove him from the situation. You can cue him "let's wait for your body to be calm before you play again." (because the reason for his behavior is over excitement...and the way you can raise his awareness is to draw his attention to his elevated state of excitement). It is not a good idea to talk too much or explain the rules at this stage...he is not going to be able to process it.

    At home, modelhow you and your husband ask him for hugs...'I want a hug please' and then have him hug you...similarly, prompt him to say 'hug please' before you hug him (yes there will be spontaneous moments but this is to teach him what to do with other children). When your son goes up to another child, you can interpret it...'oh you are happy to see so and so...do you want to hug him...then ask 'hug please'. It teaches the other children not to be sensitive when your child approaches them but it teaches your son what to do in context...this is the stage where you do a lot of modeling and commenting on what is to be done...try your best to suppress the need to say what shouldn't be done:)

    Have fun

    Whatever you do don't give him candy or food as a reward.

    using sign language is a good thing
     
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  5. jignasha27

    jignasha27 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Jayak ,kylie and teacher,

    sorry for so late reply.

    Kylie - I must try timeout the way you said. lets hope he gets it after few tries. coz at present if i make him sit in one corner he just laughs and run away. i be so firm. i dont even smile at him. when i say " no, no". even he repeats. now a days hes trying to repeat what i say coz he just started talking and so learning all the words.

    Teacher - Your advice is so good. thanks a ton. i will try to apply those rules. right now what am doing when i take to play class is trying to be as close to him as possible. so that in excitment if tries to do something with other kids i just remove him from there and distract him. seriously this boy is becoming so naughty and i know he will give tough time to me :(
     
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  6. siddusahana

    siddusahana Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    My 11 month old LO is biting everyone.. its getting worser everyday.. if i do not allow she bites me, she is crying alot. How to handle her...
     
  7. swaran

    swaran IL Hall of Fame

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    DEar siddusahana,

    Your kid could have teething issues...she is getting irritated and their might be pain because of which she cries
    give her something to soothe her gums...
    i think this issue is already discussed in IL...please search for it...
    you can give teethers,some bread sticks,carrots(soft oneS) etc ...

    please read about this...

    All the best!!!!
     
  8. doors

    doors Gold IL'ite

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    hi jignasha!!

    am sure they dont simply call this age "TERRIBLE TWOs"..its a part of learning process..they try for attention seeking..but since they dont know what is good and what is not..they try to seek attention by trial and error.
    my son used to grind his teeth like crazy...i used to get so irritated and told him no no..and he kept doing it more..
    then when i started ignoring his activity wantedly..he left it slowly..

    so has your son started talking? are words coming out from him now? did you try some methods or it just happened??

    You were planning for India trip right?? (i read in some forum)..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2012
  9. jignasha27

    jignasha27 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi all
    @sidhusadhna
    My bundle of joy will turn 2 next week. And yes it was a phase. It passed away and many more new phases appeared. At this age they wont understand word no. What I did was just kept close attention that he don't hurt other kids. I used to take him to play classes and my two hands were so day to catch him when he goes near any kid. It was so frustrating but don't know when it passed away. But reason was he used to get so much excited when he sees his friends of his size. Unable to express his joy he used to do all those things but your kid is 11 months old. If problem is only biting then I guess teething. Don't worry it will go away.


    @doors

    Yes "terrible twos" is the correct word. Now my kid understands everything and tries to every possible way to irritate me if he wants something and am not giving him. He started speaking few words on his own and repeats what ever I say be it in gujarati or English. He understands what that means. Word " no" is something they purposely don't want to understand. And we think they are still babies and they don't get it. No I did not try any methods and nor I sat and read books to him( he cannot sit for more than 30 sec). He learns only what he wants. Now sometimes I catch him reading his books alone and talking to himself in bedroom while am in kitchen. Only problem with him is eating. I can handle all his tantrums but this eating problem is seriously taking me to my ends. Good luck. Your kids name is nice.
    Yes am planning trip to India only for this reason. Hopefully he might change his eating habits after going there.

    Jignasha.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2012

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