Malstrom,lavani,Amica,SGBV,Roar, Ashneys - thank you for all the soothing words and suggestions . So much makes sense when it comes from others . I feel a lot less "lost " right now. @ashneys - Thank you for the suggestion of reaching out to the colleague's wife. I never even thought of it. I'll definitely try that. The relationship between dad, me and sis is very complex - I think mom was the one glue that was holding all of us and the loss of that glue has made it all fall apart. I dont blame anyone - all of us are equally responsible for it, but long story (really long) short, I cannot open up to my sister or my dad. I need to first win my inner battle, and I think I need to grow some spine and get myself to a therapist again. I appreciate all of your support!Truly!