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Split The Family Or Bury My Passion

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Vidiyal, Feb 21, 2020.

  1. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Can you try for a local or LCOL area med school next year? Having said this, I know someone who did her residency in NYC, leaving her husband to raise their two little kids during that time. It was a struggle physically and emotionally for both of them, but they are back together now. Would it help to see that this set up is temporary. I absolutely agree that it’s extremely hard though.
     
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  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello Op,

    I am actually very impressed with your drive to pursue your career as a doctor. After putting it on hold for so long, it is great that you finally found a way to make it happen.

    Now, I know that you may have already thought about this, but medical school schedule is far easier than actual residency. When you project 4 years for med school, away from your loving husband and kids, please remember to add the 2-4 years of residency during which you will have a more intense schedule and may end up in a different city, yet again. If your husband is comfortable to search for a different job in the city of your medical school, that is the best route. Or, I would consider waiting to apply the following year, to be placed in a medical school located in a preferred city/state.

    I definitely do not recommend that you try to travel to visit them once a month, as medical school is a very intense experience here. Some schools have weekly exams that count toward final grade- so they don’t have time for their spouse/bf/gf, if they aren’t living with them. I also don’t believe sending yours children to India is the best option, as the med school and residency investment is more than a year or 2. Your kids physically need you at this point. A phone call or FaceTime can not replace this interactions.
     
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  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Can you all move totally to where your med college is as a primary home, you H lives in a small set up where he works and travels every week to your place?
    Hire all external help where ever it is needed, nanny, cleaning help, cooking help. Remember you did so much so this is for only couple of years and after that all can live together and congrats on getting compassionate DH and getting back to your fav profession. Don't give up, just few more years ...
     
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  4. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Love this suggestion by KF, Seems like a better option than all the others.. having a live in nanny would be great!
     
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  5. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Silver IL'ite

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  6. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I understand your pain girl. I am a career women myself and I have a 13 year old son. After a long struggle you have gained happiness in your family life. I think option 4 is the best for now. Reason being that both your kids are at a critical age. It would not be right to burden your husband with all parenting responsibilities. Being a single dad and working parent is not an easy job. It will add too much stress to family life. Sending your kids to India under the care of your aged parents also is not right. But that said it does not mean you are a failure in life. I know establishing a medical career in the US is an extremely long drawn process. Are you particular only about entering clinical practice? Have you looked into getting allied fields like health care consulting, health care administration, biomedical etc? Many top consulting companies like McKinsey need health care consultants. Just my 2 cents.

    Regards,
    Kavya.
     
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  7. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I too like this suggestion. This could actually work really well.
     
  8. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    It seems like you want to become a doctor no matter what. I don't know if you will like my suggestion but I think you should postpone your plans for sometime. Is that possible? Anyhow, you have the 14 year gap, some more years, what difference will it make? In another 3-4 years your son may move out to start his degree and your daughter will be of a more manageable age. Or you think by then the motivation will not be there anymore?
     
  9. Anbhu

    Anbhu Silver IL'ite

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    Could your elder stay with you while your husband takes care of the younger. If your husband's job is a non demanding, non stressful one it is possible to take care of two kids as your elder one can take care of himself and help daddy too. We are also on similar set up where husband takes care of 3 year old. I visit weekly, prepare and keep everything needed for the week. Earlier I was with our 2 year old kid in another state and husband used to visit us monthly. If I were you, would ask husband to take care of both kids and start school. On monthly visit will freeze some food to use for lazy days. See how is your course load and if you can take the elder one with you or younger one or even both. If your husband's work is demanding and stressful then try for KFs suggestion. Both options are manageable ones.
     
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  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    The older you are the harder it is to get a good residency.
     
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