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Speaking to Daughter About Puberty

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by shari2003, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all mommies here,

    i have two daughters, the elder one has completed 10 in June. Yesterday, a friend's daughter who's 10 attained puberty, and she said she had spoken to the daughter about all that sometime back.
    I would like to take opinions from all of you as to when do we speak to our daughters about puberty and all that? How much information is too much?
    My daughter is still very naughty, kiddish, not sure how to broach it with her.
    Please share your thoughts.
     
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. talk to her soon. My mum spoke to me about it when I was probably 8 or 9. It would be easy to talk while connecting to your daughter while doing something together. I remember my mum and I were chopping fruits for a fruit salad when she spoke to me about it!

    Choose a time when she is calm and when you both are doing something together and chatting. No gadgets or anything. Just the two of you at home, doing something together. Depending on how close she is to her sis, you could rope her in too so that she also gets the information straight from you.

    My daughter has the broad outline from when she was around 3 years old. She noticed my napkin and asked questions. So, however childish, it shouldn't hamper you from giving her the basic facts of life.

    You could talk about differences between girls and women. About growing up and how the body changes. You can do it in small doses over a few months. Since my daughter and I were still having showers together when she was 3, she had natural questions about about pubic hair and breasts. I had told her that girls grow to become women which is when the body changes. So, when she asked questions about the napkin, I told her, remember I told you how girls grow to be women? One important change in the process is that your uterus develops (she already knew she came from my uterus) - I took out a human body encyclopaedia and showed her the uterus and said for a baby to grow there, the uterus needs to be neat and clean. So, every few weeks the old tissue on it comes off and since it is a part of the body, blood comes with it. To answer her questions, I told her it wasn't painful; didn't hurt; as long as one was being hygienic, it wouldn't be uncomfortable; it would stop on its own.

    My daughter recently met her dad after he'd been away for a couple of days and he asked her, "so, what's new?" Along with whom she met and what she did, she said, "And also mummy is getting blood out of her bottom. But don't worry. It will stop in a couple of days." We really had a good laugh about how my husband took it all in so solemnly!
     
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  3. satpalani

    satpalani New IL'ite

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    hi all,
    I have a daughter who is going to turn 10 next month. but u know i have already told her about periods. Actually it is very important that the child does not collect information from outside ie her friends n all. which can be improper and insufficient and can mislead them. actually she was curious why we wear the "Bra" and when will her breast grow. that give me a chance to say that it only happens slowly after puberty begins . i explained her first to make her feel comfortable that it is not something u must feel shy off, or it does not come in between ur routine.I TOLD HER EVERY WOMEN HAD TO FACE IT. her aunty her dadi her bua her sisters around all are going to face it
    It happens every month
    Some has it every fifteen days
    We do not visit temples these days
    Then i highlighted the ads on TV about pads and explained her that this is meant for periods.(Actually earlier she use to ask me about the ads of those cotton pads and i use to tell her i will tell her when she grows up a little)
    Now i have told her not to discuss with anyone that she has knowledge abt this cycle
    It has to be hidden from boys
    i hv also told her that u can only have baby after u reach puberty
    Yes it was difficult for her to digest first she said what nonsense just stop all discussion.
    I gave her time then she herself came up and asked me to continue.
    Now she is so comfortable every month when i do not pray she asks me if i had periods.
    and she has accepted so nicely . and i m sure she will face the situation very normally

    Thanks bye
    Discuss it when she is of 9 and above .U be the first to give her knowledge. be her friend. Then each time she will come to u for discussing all her secrets and discomforts
     
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  4. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    I started already when they were toddlers to explain about periods, how babies are made etc. Slowly added more details and let them ask questions when they wanted. We also had some good books on the subject. With my son I was a little bit on weak ice as do not have own experience on that topic :D. Found a good book and encouraged him to ask and also ask his father if anything bothering him.
     
  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    I really really wish I could be like guesshoo but I am not....I am on the other end of the spectrum so to speak.
    And thought for those of u out there who are like me ....here is something that might work too.10 is probably a good age to have a conversation with ur
    daughter. Broach the topic ..give her enough information so she is not scared the first time. Let her be prepared esp since she might be away from home and u the first time . After that take cues from the child. Some want to talk about it right away..some go back ..ponder a bit and then come back with questions and a few more would rather not hear it from their parents. They need to know u are available to answer anything . Beyond that ..let them set the pace.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I told mine as she was turning eleven.The younger one off course had to also listen like always.

    The science student in was in full action. I drew a diagram and showed them what happens.

    Then I took a panty and showed them how to stick the pad and wear.

    Told them to let me know if the feel discomfort in the lower abdomen ,back , the thigh or the 'susu 'area (as the called the pelvic area)or bleeding.

    I told them breast would start developing....that got them excited.

    When mine had it,I was fussing over her and she said"Stop it maa,it is just periods,chill"
    Did I chill?...I still check and put emergency pads in their bags.shakehead
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    @justanothergirl.

    10 is a good age but Girls are having them as early as 9.
     
  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    True earlier is better .
    I went and re-read the OP I somehow thought her daughter was 10 so my FB was more like ..yup thats a good age...I now see it was her friends daughter who was 10 not hers.
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Shari2003,

    there is a disney movie on mensuration that is a good place to start with.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLhld_PI2zg

    I got my first talk at school by a leading sanitary napkin company when we were in 5th. that was too early in our generation according to my mom. the average was 13.

    today the average is between 8-10. so it is better that your child gets the information, the do and don'ts from you rather than getting some second hand information.

    i talked to my daughter when she was 7. and she got used to using panty liners when she was 10..it was a transition i wanted her to understand..though she was the last in her class to get hers.

    i believe 8 is a good time to talk about it. About taking care of body, to understanding the changes, the tackling of pain in the breast and tummy. Elders use to lump it up with growing pains. You can help them talk to you freely and help in the managing. Even the unexplainable mood swings(in their view).how many parents complain my child has grown stubborn or does not listen to me and more.. little do we relate it to changes in them too.. (They are our babies you see) and i would also say you should talk about the parts as vagina, uterus, pelvic areas.. so that they can tell you exactly what is happening where.

    when my son learnt about reproduction in biology as part of his curriculum, we had a discussion on how periods are uncomfortable sometimes. the hormonal disturbances during ovulations, pms. i believe this awareness is equally important to be brought in sons who will be grow up to be better humans with better understanding .
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    My mom taught me all this, including how to fix the pad in the panty and how much discomfort is acceptable etc..etc... and she would always speak about it when we get some lone time together.
    Those days, my grandma was with us and she was also simultaneously participated in our discussions. She would say how differently things are changing from her times.

    Thankfully, when I got my first period at my school at the age of 12, I wasn't panicking that much. I was able to identify my issues rightly, and inform my friend. So that she could bring a teacher near me, and then do the needful. I already knew what is happening; thus i wasn't afraid.

    Also, my parents were not in the country on that day, as they were visiting Canada then. It was my grandma who did the immediate care for me.

    Mom's information sharing about latest pads, and how to fix them helped a lot, as both myself and grandma were completely new to this pads then.

    Somehow, mom came after 4 days, but we managed it very well.

    My daughter is almost 2 years now. But she, along with her 4 yr old elder bro asks questions about "momma's diapers" and why I am using it. Although I am yet to give them complete details, they get certain pieces of info about it. Eg: every month momma and other adult woman/girls will be bleeding to clean up their tummy, and it is not painful and not a wound in the bottom; hence completely fine.

    Hopefully I will share everything with her and obviously with my sister's and bro's DDs (as all of them are of same age and lives closely) as the grow.
     

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