Sorry Dear Crowley!

How many here, like me are addicts of the serial Supernatural and have not been missing even a single episode over the years? I am sure quite a few of you would remember one particular episode.


In that the demon Crowley (my fav character in the serial with his one liners) who has taken over as king of hell in place of Lucifer gives a tour of hell to the Angel Castiel. Castiel sees a lot of people standing in a long queue.


“What place is this?” Castiel wonders.


Don’t you recognize this? This is hell. I have revamped it totally” says Crowley proudly.


“What are these people doinhg?” askes the angel.

“Standing in queue. You see people have become numb to all hellish tortures. Then I found out that the worst thing they fear is standing in a queue. So this is the punishment”


“And what happens when they reach the head of the queue?” asks Castiel.



“Nothing. They start all over again”


Crowley’s understanding of human nature deserves full marks. Humans, particularly Indians, fear queues more than anything else. They will push jostle abuse to get into a bus or some counter or other in a bank or government office. But queue? You must be joking.


In Delhi Punjabi language emerges in its full glory when people are forced to stand in queue. With all cuss words attributing incestuous relations with mothers and sisters of just anybody fly in the air. In some Delhi metro stations you will be moved to find people standing in queue in a disciplined manner But that is only until the train arrives. Then everybody pushes, curses even slaps and punches. The guys inside the train trying to get down hurl abuses at those trying to get in and the morals of every mother and sister are seriously questioned.


One thing demonetization has done is it has made people wait patiently in queues (at times until they dropped dead). At least we are learning to queue up instead of pushing, jostling cursing and

crashing into the line. And again, the queues before banks and ATMs to withdraw money and deposit old notes come closest to Crowley’s queue in hell. You patiently wait your turn only to read the NO CASH sign by the time you reached the head of the queue. Or the bank downs its shutters before you reach its doors.


But what great possibilities these queues have thrown up! They are the stuff soap operas are made of. Don’t be surprised if someone makes a daily soap called Katar Mein Kade Hain Hum (We are standing in the queue for Hindi challenged). It can begin with a real senti scene in which a devoted wife , the Pati Parmeshwar type you see in in the movies of 1960s and 1970s and in the soaps of 21st century applying vermillion mark on her DH’s forehead and telling him in a choked voice “Kamiyab hoke ayiyega (Come back successful) Nope the guy is not going for war. He is just going to stand in an ATM/Bank queue. After his departure she stands before an idol and prays with her head covered with pallu “Bhagwan mere suhaag ko raksha karna (Please don’t make my ‘DH kick the bucket in the queue, to put it rather crudely for Hindi challenged ).


Standing in queue the DH might make glad eyes at a PYT in the queue. They get close real soon after standing in queue for days and one day have a torrid affair after downloading Dial a Chotu app and making proxies stand in their place (At that moment the diya in the wifey’s Puja room gets extinguished). You can go on and on for hundreds of queue centred episodes. Or a whodunit in which there is a perfect murder and the main suspect has a perfect Alibi. He was standing in an ATM queue at the time of death. Then a smart detective (Say ACP Pradyuman of CID) discovers that he had one of the Chotu proxies in queue and he sneakily left the place to kill a stubborn great grandmother who refuses to will her wealth to him. And at the end the ACP triumphantly informs the killer that he would be hanged. (For the fav sleuth of small screen judges don’t exist. If they tried to prove that they exist, they too would be hanged along with the killer).



And how can we forget a real vital part of our life – RELIGION! Some smart entrepreneur can laugh all the way to the bank (If it is possible to laugh all the way to the bank nowadays) fortune by setting up an ATMeshwar temples ,where the gullible will come and pray before an
ATM machine replica rumoured to have divine powers and offer dakshina so that divine favour would ensure that they move fast in ATM queues and are able to withdraw the required amount. Even our netas can be lured to the temple promising them that the ATM god would make the wrath of angry guys before banks disappear and tenable them to have a rich harvest of votes in the impending state elections and the temple guys make a fat tax free profit.


But the most important positive impact of the queues will be to immunize you if hell turns out to be an eternal queue like the one devised by Crowley. The authorities in hell will pull their hair seeing that the queue too has ceased to be a means of torture after the old fashioned but

interesting torments like roasting people on skewers, jabbing guys with tridents, spears etc. Sorry dear Crowley but that great idea of yours has already been blunted.

 

SAY HOW COME i MISSED IT? I ALSO FORGOT THAT ONE CAN INSURE THE WIFE HEAVILY AND MAKE HER STAND IN THE QUEUE HOPING THAT SHE WOULD DROP DEAD LIKE MANY OTHERS (iT HAS CROSSED 80 NOW. LOOKS LIE MODI WILL HIT A CENTURY SOON.

 

Thank you momsky.

 

First let us get hold of Kamalji. He has been missing for the last few days.