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Social Anxiety Disorder For My Brother, Please Advise For Solution

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Rachu123, Feb 23, 2017.

  1. Rachu123

    Rachu123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi to all wonderful ILites,
    One of my elder brother who is 35 now has some problem of fear mingling with people. I did google on this and looks like he has social anxiety disorder.
    As always I am writing here to seek some advise which really helps me and helped always.
    He is like this from the age of 22 and he was hyper active, very jovial before to that.
    Not sure what happened to him all of a sudden. From the age of 22 he is not able to settle with any job.
    Every job he joins and in months he quit saying he cannot face people, he is scared to talk to them.
    He is a bachelor degree holder, average student and was placed in good company after his graduation through our relative.
    He worked there for one and half years and after that all this started.
    He quit job there even we all forced him not to do as he may not get chance again. That is it, after that
    he is not doing any job more than 2 months. There are many instances he left home without telling to anybody and came back after months.
    He even went to haridwar once and came back after couple of months.
    Tried all sort of jobs like sales man, plumber, working with building contractors without our knowledge.
    Every time we/he himself start any medication he takes for few months and stops all of a sudden saying he got some side affect.
    He tried all types of medication(including Ayurveda and homeopathic),does non stop yoga and no use.
    I spoke him multiple times and no use, he says he cant face people.
    He said he can business 3 years back. I invested and we opened a groceries shop, closed it after 1 and half year with huge loss.
    He is not lazy, we can make it out by the amount of work he does at home and help my Mom.
    But no perfection we can see whatever he does.
    He is already 35 now and we are really worried about his future.
    Right now he is with my Mom in my village doing some BPO job in night shift saying he cannot do work during daytime.
    He helps my Mom at home too during day in taking care of cows, small farming etc.
    Sometimes he fights with my Mom very badly, even my Mom scolds him very badly due to frustration.
    Then she fears by thinking what if he leaves home and disappear.
    For any function at home he will not be there. My first brother marriage he disappeared 2 days before with a letter left and came back after few days of marriage.

    Please help/advise how to solve this issue of him. Thank you so much in advance.
     
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  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    1. Is he into spirituality? Is he exploring that area, any guru he is meeting? What he did in Haridwar? If he is interested in that and not into marriage or earning money , always people ask these job etc, may be he just got fed up with it.

    2. may be he just likes simple village living cows farms etc, and content with it.
    Is he happy person with these simple things.

    3. Let all decide that don't tell him to do that , job etc for an year and see he lives happy in your mom house.

    4: about anxiety, does he really shows stress to meet talk with people or he just doesn't have interest in people, may be second one as people are annoying him with advices as he is not into materialistic stuff

    I just guessing from what you wrote, but see in these direction also
     
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  3. Rachu123

    Rachu123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for your reply.
    Answer to your question:
    1. He was into spirituality before, but now we see he is really interested in marriage and stuff. As few of relatives ask my Mom about his marriage in front him she see him showing interest. In haridwar he attended yoga camp and he called us from there saying he will be back once yoga camp will be over as it is really helping him to recover. He will never miss yoga single day also. He does it twice a day and dyana in between. But he says he don't see any improvement. Even when he had his shop he used to run to yoga classes and I used to run to his shop on weekend by thinking he will loose business. He was not at all happy to take my money to open a shop though he said me before he was interested in business. I told him it is a loan and clear it when you get profit.
    2. Yes, he says he will do farming etc. But, as I said total dedication or perfection we do not see in whatever he does. every time my mother has to be there behind him and she gets frustrated with this. She is already 60+ and she cannot involve in each and everything he does.
    3. Tried this and outcome is he will not meet anyone, not speak with anyone, will be in his own world and what next?
    4. Yes, he really shows stress in meeting people, don't like to go to any gathering. I don't think he is annoyed with people advice and all as except my Mom most of the people do not try to advice him.
     
  4. Rachu123

    Rachu123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Request to suggest any medication or solution. Please help with any good doctor if you know.
     
  5. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Rachu123,

    Your brother is lucky to have a sister like you. My hugs to you.
    As per your post, seems like you have consulted doctor and he has used medication?. Did he change or felt any good while using those.
    Therapy and Medication together may work. Cognital Behavior therapy ?. But be careful in using the medicines, usually doctors give these psychotic drugs which may have side effects.

    As long as he is having some income, whether agriculture or what ever he should be fine.
    You should start searching for a suitable girl. Tell girl in advance his issue with social phobia and dont hide anything. It may be difficult but it all depends on compatability. there might be girls who might be comfortable and really dont worry if your brother doesnt meet people. she may only see how good person he is and happy with his income.
    so you have 2 tasks, one is to find good psychologist who does therapy and 2nd to find the girl.
    all the best dear.
     
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  6. Rachu123

    Rachu123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you Maddysweet...:)

    You are right, every time he takes the medication he will be drowsy all day and used to stop the medication.
    And about therapy you mentioned I am seriously going to follow it up as I see some are there in Bangalore.
    Yes, you are very much right that we should start seeing girl for him as sometimes my Mom says he really look tensed when people speak about his marriage.
    But worry is, for sure he may not be able survive with the income he get from agriculture once he have family. Thinking what if we end up with one more tension.
    I see he is not comfortable with taking financial help from me and I help him through Mom now a days. He thinks I am younger to him and he should help me, not me(looks like).
    But, really I am going to speak with my Mom about his marriage now as it may give him responsibility and happiness, confidence that he also have family.

    Your advice is really thoughtful and thank you so much...:)
     
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  7. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    I have a milder version of social anxiety . I have changed jobs many times , still struggle a lot professionally . Feel overwhelmed all the time especially dealing with people In work environment . Can be comfortable in small close circle of people but not in bigger social groups. Sometimes feel like running away to some Spiritual place! My advise to you is to stop pressurising him in any way and be as loving and caring as possible . Unconditional love is the only way you can help. He will find his way back.
     
  8. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

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    Rachu123,

    Thats an excellent quality of your brother not expecting money from you. If not meeting people is the only issue , then better work on life style change rather than have him take those dangerous psychotic drugs.

    True if you dont find the right girl, she may be an added tension. If the girl has some expectations which your brother cant fulfill. so you should be extremely careful in finding the girl, not just talk once.
    Talk to girl many number of times and give clear idea on how her life is going to be.
    sometimes girls may get married out of parents pressure, so make sure she looks happy and accepting your brother with social phobia.
    someone who dont have large expectations and ready to work along with your brother for a good future.

    I was reading a post in singles world, one girl posted that she dont want to give her salary to husband after marriage, she dont want to cook, she may not stay with his parents but want guy to take her new places blah blah expectations.,

    You find a girl, who is ready to offer something from her side too.

     
  9. Rachu123

    Rachu123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hugs to you dear and thanks for writing. I hope and pray you too recover fast.
    From few years I am not able to concentrate on him as I live here in USA and with my own tons of problems, tension etc. I was thinking to solve my problem first. But now I really need to start again as years are passing by with no improvement.
    Most of the time my mother will consider him as priority, but sometimes when she sees his friends already settled with job, family etc she goes mad on him.
    Even if I speak with him over the phone he speaks hardly for 5 mins once in a while. He do not speak with my Mom also much. How much is required that much only.
     
  10. Rachu123

    Rachu123 Bronze IL'ite

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    You are right. But, it is really hard to get such type of girls right. Planning to try our best and result leaving to God.Thank you so much..:)
     

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