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Sister's dramatic Husband.....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by confidentalwayz, Aug 4, 2010.

  1. confidentalwayz

    confidentalwayz New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    Its been long since i visited this site..i was so absorbed in to the so called BUZZYYYYYY life.
    I need a little help from u people.Its about my little sis,i tell ya in short...
    My sis,married almost 2yrs ago,it was an arranged marriage,live in different country from her in laws.
    My sis DH is extremely dominating person,often tells her to do anything and everything in his own way,if she doesn't stops talking to her for weeks together and so on.Now the problem is he asked her to talk to their parents at least 3 times a week saying that Indian dil should do that and so on.So,my sis talks to their in laws frequently,as to avoid any fights.Now he complains that 'u talk,but u don't talk to my mother and sis as closely as u talk to ur mother and ur sis'.
    Of course she talks to them abt the daily chores and stuff,what else she can talk with inlaws.But,he kept on brooding over this same issue since months and continues..
    My sis lost her temper once during this fight and said to her DH 'but u don't talk to my parents r my sis at all and u always expect me to do so.From now on even u talk to my
    parents'

    Then his response was you either talk with my parents regularly and closely or i am going to divorce you.
    My sis asked me for an advice and i am here banging my head for a solution:bonk,i know u all can give better solutions than my racing mind right now.
    I mean she is talking to them,how can she get that closeness all of a sudden?:spin
     
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  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    The D word is becoming a big joke, tell her to ask him to find a lawyer to proceed. Just a barking dog, wont bite! And ask ur sis to find a job and work if she isn't already.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2010
  3. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly! Looks like what the mister needs is a dose of reality. Or better yet, he wants her to be close to his mom and sister right. Ask her to tell them the next time she talks to them to be very close and bare it all, saying that their son/brother made a condition like this and what they would like her to do.

    I am sorry that your sister is dealing with a toddler in the form of a husband.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    The point here is...it is him who has to feel that she is close to them...not the inlaws..so might be time for your sister to pick on acting classes.

    Tell your sister not to bad mouth inlaws infront of her husband
    As he is asking her to call once in 2 or 3 days the other days, let her ask her husband about their well being

    Basic thing here is..he has to feel that she is NOT AGAINST his parents. So your sister has to work on it, instead of this thu thu mein mein...if she questions back, things would go bad from worse and such divorce thoughts and talks would start stemming in. So better to watch out what she speaks and CONTROL her anger and emotions. Deal with tact than with mouth.
     
  5. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, ask her to kick him (just figure of speech, not physically). That guy will get his dose of medicine.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2010
  6. confidentalwayz

    confidentalwayz New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the quick responses.
    Sri vidya ,my sis never talks bad about her in-laws in front of her DH.She respects them though they don't respond her nicely.Because she knows bad mouthing doesn't help anyway.I mean why he needs to compare with our parents to their parents,she never insists him like that....And i know,as u all guys said he is using The D word more often and tortures her mentally.
     
  7. confidentalwayz

    confidentalwayz New IL'ite

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    Hi spiderman1,
    She is not in the software field,she is in that field which is a lengthy one,she is almost near to her goal,she has her exam in 3days and is disturbed now.
     
  8. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Thats excellent to know, she is going to be a professional doctor, good one.

    In anycase, whether she is a professional or not, ask her to put a full stop to toddler tantrums. Next time the spoilt-baby does the tantrum, tell her to calmly say - "Just buzz off buddy". Beyond that, she should do nothing else, and just study quietly or go to the library and study etc.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2010
  9. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    Totally agree...Online in this forum and outside.
    I have been hearing this so often. I have been really fed up advising my friends to find a job and be independent. Some of them took my advice and answer back and some are still scared.
    My friend just got back at her DH last month .. when she called me crying...I told her the next time he uses the "D" word...answer back instead of sitting and crying over it...If he really meant it..He will divorce you...She did that last month...She followed my plan...She asked him to send an email with the reason for divorce (which was very silly..trust me) and she would walk out the very moment...The DH was shocked...was silent for a couple of mins...promised to send the email which he never did...They gave each other the silent treatment for about a week and a half and they are back to normal...BTW my friend was a house-wife who recently got a job on EAD.

    The more she is scared...The more he is going to threaten her
     
  10. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    Stand up to him if you want him to treat you well.
    Just tell him...from today on I wear the pants in the family and you go make a living.
    The "threat of divorce" is just a cry for help oh his part.
     

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