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Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she means it

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blessed, Feb 1, 2012.

  1. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear friends

    Yesterday my SIL and her hubby landed in our house with short notice, just the previous day she called and told she will be coming as her DH had some official trip and he will be leaving to Hyd while my SIL planned to stay for a week at our place and join her husband in Hyd and fly to Mumbai (they recently moved to mumbai).

    Lil Back ground: My MIl expired 6 months back and this is her first visit after her death:

    The moment she entered she straight went to her mothers picture and started sobbing and wailing as if she just died yesterday.... she hugged my FIL and DH & said "house is no longer the same, it has lost its glamour...the Light of the house is gone. O.K I understand she is missing her mom because she used to be pampered by my MIL even though she is 51 years old.

    Next she looked at my FIL and DH and said..."OMG both of you have lost so much weight, I know if only mom was there she will always behind you people asking you to eat this ... & that...

    Frankly the reality is this: My MIL was not that kind of a caring person at all, even if my daughter comes back from school and if I am not at home she won't offer her anything my little girl use to serve food herself... that's another story..
    I use to do all the cooking even when she was there , all she is to do was to serve food for her husband and herself ... even their night milk i have to do it for them... she will only hand it over to my FIL (that was a big task for her).

    Now how do i take this...???? I was silently watching her drama.. but the anger with in me kept increasing ... I was deeply hurt... I took care of my FIL like my own father... he is keeping good health and he is socializing even more now..

    Any way's i thought I should make her week's stay pleasant and asked her what she would like to have for lunch .. for that she replied " this house is like a Smashanam (grave yard) for me now without my mother, I will leave to Pinni's house(My MIls sis who stays in the next street) and come back when I am in mood to come here".)
    I was furious by her words but replied her very calmly " why you have to use such words because we are all staying right here and I will try my best to keep you happy" for that she said " you won't know what is a loss of a mother until u experience it" How mean? what does she actually means by those words
    Then she had breakfast (5 idly's) don't know how people can eat so much when they are not in mood and don't feel like eating, then her husband left to Hyderabad and this lady left to her aunts house along with her luggage...

    The funniest part is my DH himself went and dropped her.. and told her to come back when she feels like... even my FIL told me not to bother.. let her come when she wants and he carried on his daily activities....

    Now its almost 24 hrs since she went there, one day has already passed of not a call from her or from her great Aunt...

    What should I do...? i am confused... when I called my mom... she told me to go to her Aunts house and pacify her to stay in your place....other wise people will point at me.. telling I chased her away...

    I dont want to go to that Aunt's place, because she is another monster who can only think and do bad things... my SIL is gone there only to gossip about me...
    I feel so low... like a looser, I even discussed with my DH of gifting my SIL with a nice saree while she is leaving... but now i don't feel like doing anything for her..
    MY SIL is senior to me by nearly 15 years.. her daughter got married recently.. but her behavior with me seems so cheap...
    What is she expecting from me... That I should go and plead to come to our house... ?
    Should I go r just leave it and wait for her to come back herself?
    She will not leave at this... she will call my other SIL and both will discuss and bad mouth me to all the relatives... finally I will be blamed with no fault of mine...
     
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  2. iyerponnu

    iyerponnu Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    Blessed,

    It is difficult in this situation.. my mom went through something two years back. My grandmother died, (she was almost like a baby at the end), and my second aunt (who happens to be my granny's favi child) came home and said that things were not the same anymore.. Let it go Blessed, as long as your husband and FIL are on your side.. if your FIL is willing, take him along with you to the aunt's house and let your FIL do the talking. It is time he starts being the man!! No matter what you do, it is not going to be the same for your SIL... but you try to everything with a smile :)

    Mythili
     
  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    blessed,

    the only people who matter here is your fil and your husband. if both of them say don't bother i will give it some time. i will not go and start asking her to come, because she may again say something infront of other relatives.

    remember, sometimes, you cannot be good to everybody. however nice you behave and do, it is not going to be enough for the other person..so do what you feel is right and keep moving ahead.

    this is like the situation mundukku velithe noi venakke vellithe goi ( two steps back it is a well, and two steps forward is a pit).so it better just continue doing things, and if she turns up (I am sure she will in a day or two accusing you of not being bothered...)

    now regarding comments that the brother and father looks so dull and thin, it happens, they believe they are being concerned about them thats all..

    do not take too much to heart. talk to your husband, if he says you should call then maybe otherwise, you don't need to...

    take care..
     
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  4. deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    Hi blessed,

    See, there is no reason for you to worry at all. She came, cried, complained and went!! So its over.. You have asked her to stay and she refused. So its her problem. Not yours.. Let her go complain or whatever.. It is not going to affect you in any ways. Dont go and visit them.. Wait for one or two days and if then also she dint call, you make a call and invite her. If she is not ready to come, leave it, fine! She cant act as another MIL to you! You have had your share already. And why do you confuse so much yourself lady, your FIL and husband supports you.

    Dont bother too much and enjoy yourself..!!
     
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  5. sravanitenali

    sravanitenali IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    Hi Blessed..

    Dont bother about her behaviour..let it go.Your FIL and DH took light then why you to think about it and hurt yourself calm down for now. Just call her along with FIL speak to her invite her for name sake and lets wait her to come back. Though her mother is not there, she has to consider atleast her father right.

    Dont worry...take care

    Sravani
     
  6. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    Just think "Hammayya !!!" and let it go. After sometime may be 1-2 days call her and invite for name sake along with your FIL. Even is she was here with you guys...imagine how many more dramas she can make and disturb your mental peace. She already disturbed with 2-3 hours of visit...then what would happen to you in 1 week ?? :)
     
  7. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    She sounds like a drama queen. She came and visited you guys , right? Let her go and stay at her aunt's place. Think of it as a blessing in disguise as you dont need to put up with her dramas and tantrums for a whole week.

    I like your FIL and DH's way of dealing with the issue. The more you plead with her, the more adamant she will become. Leave her to her tantrums. The moment she realizes that she cannot affect you guys with her dramas, she will come back. If not, you just have to make do with TV soaps.. no real life HD stuff for you ;)
     
  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    It was her choice to go. Just give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she missed her mother and did not feel like staying there. (Although one would expect differently of her at her age). Well, it takes all sorts to make the world. Just accept the reason she has given and let her come of her own accord whenever she feels like it. Don't worry about what others say or think. You can always say she missed her mother and wanted to stay with her aunt.
     
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  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    heyyy I always admired theway you handle things with your patience and maturity...your FIL said dont bother right???

    however I would suggest check with your FIL about this idea....i.e going to aunts house and pacifying your SIL. if your FIL says its ok...then go..if not...then pls chill...

    She wanting to greive over her moms death is not wrong...but calling names and taking it out on someone is such a childish act.. just be at peace..dont beat up yourself...
     
  10. sreemu

    sreemu Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Sister-in-law Saga continues... Don't know if it is her another drama or she mean

    We can never make other people happy no matter wht we do they can still pinpoint at us
    so chill U just do wht u r supposed to do and leave it The more we think abt these situations
    the more we get tensed up so better to leave things as they r and wait till she returns
    U have nothing to worry as long as ur Fil and hubby r by ur side
     

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