Single Women Staying Away From Family

Shreema86 · Feb 16, 2017

recently I was working late at office and I went out to the washroom, and by the time I came back someone had locked the office and left . my phone , purse , car keys were all inside the office . So I was completely stranded , had to go borrow a phone to make a call and the only person who I could think of calling and whose number I could remember was my husbands . Long story short , I could go back inside and get my stuff inside and all was sorted .

But this incident has left me shaken . I live abroad , no family in the city I live. I have only one close friend whom I can think of calling in an emergency , that too I would be hesitant to bother her .

After this incident , I keep thinking , what if my husband goes to India or elsewhere for some reason while I am staying here , if there was any emergency like a flat tyre , or an accident or anything , I would be absolutely alone . It feels very scary . I don't want to be thinking like this . Single women staying away from family , please tell me how you cope with these kind of emergency situations .

guesshoo · Feb 16, 2017

I've lived away from my family for many many years now. There never seemed to be a need for such backups until I actually had a child. (perhaps i should say touchwood here!) Then it became vital.

Now I ensure that I go the extra mile to nurture friendships - not to exploit others but mums especially genuinely could do with extra support. There are some really good mum friends I have now who I can shamelessly call at any point. I'm there for them too - to pick their child up from nursery if they're stuck in traffic / make them a meal when they are unwell / caring for their other kids when one has to be in hospital etc.

I guess what I'm essentially saying is that in a distant place, i see it is essential to nurture a social circle which becomes a pseudo family. Not everyone will click with everyone else. However I am certain it is possible to get 2/ 3 families together eventually.

penpaal · Feb 17, 2017

First of all it's an eye opening incident which you managed well. No need to scary for that .I have been staying away from my family for almost 6 years .I know how hard it is.i don't have even indians close by .. many people cross the same situations in life many time .
I feel you just need to increase your friend circle . Need to make more trust worthy friends . In my case I had American and Chinese friends .Who came to help me when I was in emergency . I felt so blessed to have them .
You can meet new people through office,meetups ( app meetup) ,temple ,meditation center any kind of spiritual center if you are interested in. Gym , hiking or any such kind of sports activities group. May be you need to stretch a little bit on weekends and meet new people make new friends. But when you are far from your family trust me " friends" are the real family.all the best

Shreema86 · Feb 17, 2017

guesshoo said: ↑

I've lived away from my family for many many years now. There never seemed to be a need for such backups until I actually had a child. (perhaps i should say touchwood here!) Then it became vital.

Now I ensure that I go the extra mile to nurture friendships - not to exploit others but mums especially genuinely could do with extra support. There are some really good mum friends I have now who I can shamelessly call at any point. I'm there for them too - to pick their child up from nursery if they're stuck in traffic / make them a meal when they are unwell / caring for their other kids when one has to be in hospital etc.

I guess what I'm essentially saying is that in a distant place, i see it is essential to nurture a social circle which becomes a pseudo family. Not everyone will click with everyone else. However I am certain it is possible to get 2/ 3 families together eventually.
Click to expand...

Ideally having a social circle is the best solution . In my case that hasn't worked out that way and I don't want to go into too many details, but I don't forsee any big changes in that area . I am too much of an introvert and while I do meet many new people, make friends even , it takes me a lot of time to go from friend to really good friend to 3 am calling friend . So while I have few really good friends , they aren't exactly 3am calling friends . somehow friends I make through work, hobbies, meet ups , they taper away after that particular common shared activity is over . I have learned to accept this , its not that I am bored . Its just that I want to be self reliant and face situations like the one I mentioned without panicking and feeling helpless.

Shreema86 · Feb 17, 2017

penpaal said: ↑

First of all it's an eye opening incident which you managed well. No need to scary for that .I have been staying away from my family for almost 6 years .I know how hard it is.i don't have even indians close by .. many people cross the same situations in life many time .
I feel you just need to increase your friend circle . Need to make more trust worthy friends . In my case I had American and Chinese friends .Who came to help me when I was in emergency . I felt so blessed to have them .
You can meet new people through office,meetups ( app meetup) ,temple ,meditation center any kind of spiritual center if you are interested in. Gym , hiking or any such kind of sports activities group. May be you need to stretch a little bit on weekends and meet new people make new friends. But when you are far from your family trust me " friends" are the real family.all the best
Click to expand...

Thank you for your suggestions! I agree you need to have friends nearby . But I think since you are staying alone for six years ,you are the right person to ask this . How do you develop the right mindset to stay alone , do you not worry about things like who will take care when you are sick, what if you lock yourself inside the bathroom, door is jammed or something , among million other small things. I am really a chicken when it comes to staying alone in a house by myself and I want to get rid of this fear.

penpaal · Feb 23, 2017

@Shreema86 hi hope you had a great weekend..
I stay with my husband but he is busy in his work life . So for me it's like staying alone !!. From your post I felt you also stay with your husband . I never worry about locking in bathroom or falling in sick. May be I have so many other tension to worry about. This is how I take it. Are you in US ,then any emergency case 911 is the number I would be dialing . Most of the time my phone would be with me. There were days in which I was not feeling well but had nothing to eat!! ( I was not in a position to cook or order food!) I will eat some snacks and manage. While I was working I was so busy I had no time to think about anything. Whenever I get time I complete my spiritual chanting. May be that's what keeps me going ..

Shreema86 · Feb 24, 2017

@penpaal thanks for sharing !

Cantdecide · Feb 24, 2017

Shreema86 said: ↑

recently I was working late at office and I went out to the washroom, and by the time I came back someone had locked the office and left . my phone , purse , car keys were all inside the office . So I was completely stranded , had to go borrow a phone to make a call and the only person who I could think of calling and whose number I could remember was my husbands . Long story short , I could go back inside and get my stuff inside and all was sorted .

But this incident has left me shaken . I live abroad , no family in the city I live. I have only one close friend whom I can think of calling in an emergency , that too I would be hesitant to bother her .

After this incident , I keep thinking , what if my husband goes to India or elsewhere for some reason while I am staying here , if there was any emergency like a flat tyre , or an accident or anything , I would be absolutely alone . It feels very scary . I don't want to be thinking like this . Single women staying away from family , please tell me how you cope with these kind of emergency situations .
Click to expand...

Try to build friendships so you have a support system that you can rely on for socializing and for emergency situations. I usually give a copy of my house key to a local friend so if I accidentally lock myself out someone has it. Just like I hold the key for a few friends too and if they need me I can help them. It's hard to remember phone numbers now that everything is saved in the smart phone, but I make it a point to memorize a few phone numbers in situations like this where I can't access my phone.

I have lived on my own for six years. It's got plus sides as well. I am also introverted and shy so it can be hard to build friendships, but I know it's important so sometimes I do it almost like a job. Make sure I make the effort to maintain the friendship and ask people to do things with me.

anika987 · Feb 24, 2017

Ok few things to remember for help..

1)911

2) AAA - very helpful in case of flat tyre,any car problems etc

3) If you have some Indian neighbors,even though u r not close just be cordial.Am sure anyone would help in case of emergency.

4) Lot of helpline numbers etc

5)Always carry your purse and everywhere if you are going outside.Never leave phone,keys or purse

Shreema86 · Feb 24, 2017

Cantdecide said: ↑

Try to build friendships so you have a support system that you can rely on for socializing and for emergency situations. I usually give a copy of my house key to a local friend so if I accidentally lock myself out someone has it. Just like I hold the key for a few friends too and if they need me I can help them. It's hard to remember phone numbers now that everything is saved in the smart phone, but I make it a point to memorize a few phone numbers in situations like this where I can't access my phone.

I have lived on my own for six years. It's got plus sides as well. I am also introverted and shy so it can be hard to build friendships, but I know it's important so sometimes I do it almost like a job. Make sure I make the effort to maintain the friendship and ask people to do things with me.
Click to expand...

That was quite a few helpful pointers @Cantdecide . thanks for sharing , I have some good friends not so close , maybe time to amp that up a little . your last two lines are very relevant to me , I guess I need to think of it like a job and get out of comfort zone sometimes !