Simple Traditional Marriage - How Is It Possible?

Please don't run after me if i am annoying you all with my random queries every other day... i have so much in mind and always get confused on every single thing

Okay, so me and my fiancee are planning to keep our wedding sort of simple event. Now we both have different definitions of a simple wedding, my mother has different meaning, my future mil has different and enough , i guess you people get my point here...

I am sure you all know how big fat punjabi weddings are these days, with all sort of fuctions including mehndi, sangeet, shagun , marriage, reception - all on consecutive days and with a lot of pom n show. Spending like 5-10 lakhs on weddings these days is such a normal thing for some people, and because of this man made culture of show off weddings have become a headache for people like me who do not have so much money to spend just like that.

My idea of simple wedding is, a one day event with rituals to be followed that includes, shagun at groom's house with only near and dear relatives present, wedding at a small hall with again only the blood relatives and at max the bestest friends ( no distant relatives, no neighbors, no all office collegues-only 1 or 2 senior persons. No gifts for relatives, no DJ, no band baaja , simple decor and minimum expense on myself as well.

Now my fiancee agrees to it but then he is not sure of what his parents will add up in this ... then came the twist he talked to his mother and she said:
1. "Why not gifts for relatives- i have taken gifts from them all my life now its my turn to return and it is the ritual that girl's side has to bring gifts for groom and groom's family. "
2. "Why not band Baaja and Baraat with pomp n show , you are my only son, when am i supposed to do that then"

Me and my fiancee decided that we both will split the expense for wedding and thus there will neither be pressure on his family nor on mine.

I told him to do this secretly, but he was so sure that his mother will be happy on this decision He said to her that HE wants this split thing so as to give relaxation to both parents as we both are earning, i want we should handle everything....

This is what she said:

"IF they cannot afford it right now, we can wait but as per society norms, no such "split the expenses equally" thing exists and you people are not going to live out of the society " ( it was a NO from her)

My fiancee tried very hard to convince her ( i love him for that) , but all in vain , now he is feeling guilty for not listening to me when i was saying do it secretly ( but that was also very tricky)

Now this is what her prespective is:

Baraat with band baaja, me and my family should arrange all the catering, baraat welcoming, then gifts for relatives (clothes for all the couples in their family), separate shagun function where she wants to invite all the relatives, neighbors so as to collect the shagun money they will give and cover up the expense for the event. ( she is being a selfish person thinking only for herself and her family, i didnt expect her to consider me as a daughter but at least she should consider me as a family also and must look that i am being pressurized in all this. )

We have no court marriage option, as i mentioned earlier my mother in law is like "its my only son's (rather only child's) marriage , so court marriage is a complete NO-NO.

We live in amritsar , punjab... mandir marriages are not so popular here , i have never seen one and i have no idea if any hindu temple can arrange a wedding here.

I can afford a marriage of upto 1 lakhs expenses including everything in ti ( my expenses, my familiy's clothes, commuting i9n taxis and all everything) I don't know how it would be possible. My Maternal uncles and my elder sister may help a little with finance but i am not expecting it as of now. I want to think in the little amount which i have so that i could have a tighter budget preventing me and my family from running out of the budget.

Any suggestions, anything you people think you should ask me, tell me or even if you want to scold me being annoyed, welcome for everything ... I am sitting with an open mind right now, ready to listen all the good and bad things... waiting.......................

 

Thankx for replying dear but i didnt get your point ... I clearly stated that court marriage is a compelte no-no, this is a thing anyone could think of... I dont want unhappy and dissatisfied faces on the most special day of my life... I am here looking for a mid way solution ....

 

People are going to be minimum from both sides only nearest relatives, roughly 70-80 people in total...

Our house is located on outskirts of the city, we have a lot of empty plots around ... Do u think that could be a option ? I feel lyk it may look wierd to arrange a wedding with good tents and carpets in a plot

 

Trying to go with the flow dearie.... I thnk u r rgt on givng some time to mil but the thing is she is rgt on her part , its her only child's marriage ... Shez nt asking for any dowry or extra things ... Actuly m confused here only , at one point i thnk that she is being selfish then i put myself in her shoes and she seems correct to me.... Thanks anyways dear

 

Which temple you had your wedding in ? How much the dinner expense was ? If you could tell me that would be a great help

 

Also peeps, please tell me about my own expenses from wedding dress to clothes , daily use things i should take with me to the relation and family, where i can cut short the expense of my own ? Basically i need a checklist of things a bride should carry with her ( but in budget and minimum things that are actuly very much required )