advice for you is exactly the same as the op, newwife, here. you have an added advantage that the OP does not have - your son is grown up. you can tell him not be his father's messenger. He should tell his father "I cannot do this". And why the hell do you ask if you should serve him lunch and dinner? is he a baby that he can't take it himself? INFORM him when food is ready and your duty is done. do your thing. you eat when you want and if he is hungry, let him serve himself.