Silent Treatment

Dear Op, he is almost trying to piss you off by giving his mom more attention & making you jealous. And your Mil is enjoying the attention. Your messages tell him that his plan to bother you is working, so he’s making it harder for you.

If somehow you can get away when is leaving for work , so he doesn’t get a chance to tease you, then all the mama-boy tata bye-bye will stop. He will stop this game if you pretend to not get affected by it. Don’t get depressed. Surprise him by having a happy look on your face

 

OP, you have to show him that neither his silent treatment nor his affection to MIL or vice versa , dont have any effect on you.

Act like you are unaffected and happy in your own world. If you want to talk, talk to the point and expect no reply. No arguments, no begging, no complaints.

Please dont cry, if you want, cry when no one is around. Never in front of him. Dont allow him to win by acting like a victim to his silent treatment. Act normal and be a winner.

Cheer up. Start the action. When he comes home smile (train yourself ) and act happy. When you are happy , he will be curious and sure, will come around. Have some patience.

(How To Deal With My Situation?, some points here may help)

 

OP,
I agree with @Naari here. If you feel it more you will be hurt more. I have personally seen this silent fight among many couples within family and outside. You should overlook and stay normal . Dont surrender and suffer. You can be normal but don't show that you're really upset by his silence. When they know that you are going to be affected they try to attack you often by this. You can stay normal though and not get hurt by his delayed yes/no's. Let it go .. Don't stress or overthink and trouble yourself.

 

When he shows attention to his mom u just get ur kid go out or have fun with him show ur husband there is a happy world too..

 

OP, I have a slightly different view point on this. The outcome is the same though i.e not to show him that you are affected by this treatment.

I have been through an extremely rough phase because of this (well, one of the reason was silent treatment that goes on for weeks). I begged, I pleaded, I acted like it doesn't affect me. Nothing worked, not for long term at least.
what worked was working on myself. Instead of pretending in front of him that his treatment is not bothering you, you need to work on REALLY making it NOT to bother you? I.e focusing on things that are in your control and taking yourself to a point where it doesn't bother you. That way you dont have to pretend.

How long have you been with him? At least 13 years right? understand the psychology behind him. Understand his buttons. I mean, by now you know him in and out; you also know how to "get" to him. You just don't realise it yet but you know it.

I started with a chant, a Buddhist chant. not a prayer, a chant. that helped me clean my mind.

 

Hey come on..this is not big deal..when compare to 13 yrs relationship this fight is just a small one dear.

Don’t cry don’t msg just leave him for 2 weeks do ur work as usual make use of this time for ur personal shopping ect. Don’t think about mil most of the mil will b like this only.if she is doing all the work for ur hubby let her do everything.. u just take rest.thats all..simple and easy...

After ur mil goes back he will b back to normal.

Just relax and try to make use of the time for urself.

 

@Rakhii I agree. I acted like silent treatment didn't affect me once and dragged it for a week. Finally he spoke with me, but with a very cold attitude, which sucked out my life even more than the silent phase. It made me give up in the end.

FYI he acted cold to me even infront of his mom.

 

yes, this is what I am talking about. Pretence doesn't work. What works is making this a reality. Google for Daimoku chant. basically the idea is that you are repeatedly saying to yourself that you will do the best you can. You only have control over what you can do.

As for me....I realised about 6 months after a life changing event. It took 6 months (by then was married for 8 years) to realise that I make myself happy. Not him. superficially we all know this. But we really "know" it and "implement" it. No one has a control over you except you. He can influence you, yes, but he by himself cannot ruin your day. It took me 6 long months for that.

After that, another few months to realise that if I am feeling dejected, chances are he is also feeling the same way about me. Another few months later I realised that somewhere deep inside, I want to work on this relationship. so, I started working on bringing positive changes around the house. Like changing the drapes, hanging pictures from "happy" days, cooking what I like, perusing a small hobby etc

its a life style change. The positive-feel soon rubbed off him. things slowly started to improved. It took more than 1 year to get here. But this is your journey. you can do it. I believe you can do it. Until you believe in it, I will do your part of beliving too.

 

What would you do if your 12 yo started acting like a toddler?

Your DH is regressing in response to his mother's pampering. Stop indulging him. Go about your business with a cheerful smile, singing or humming a happy tune. Ignore the silent treatment completely.

If MIL comments about it, laugh and say everything's fine, your DH is not a 5 yo to play katti ya batti with.

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