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Silent Treatment From Mil - How Do You Handle That?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sbonigala, Nov 9, 2016.

  1. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    My MIL has this interest in watching some Telugu reality programs on TV where either the wife or the husband approaches the channel and attempt to fix their marital issues with the help of a lawyer, a psychologist and a couple of celebrities.
    The psychologist explains the thought process of the victim and the abuser and helps them understand the issues from each other's perspectives. The lawyer explains the victim, the possible cases that could be filed against the abuser and the punishment that the abuser could be facing if he/she would not mend his/her ways.
    The Celebrities involved help the victim and the abuser with their experience and wisdom.
    This is the whole idea of the show. Such shows are aired on more than one channel.

    Now, my MIL is a super fan of such shows.
    Last evening she was watching one episode and she wanted me to sit with her and watch it. I did. All the while I was sitting there I was annoyed at the way the DIL was being treated.
    The DIL is a masters holder and works as a teacher whereas the Son does not work but depends on the agriculture farm that his dad owns. So every rupee he needs has to come from his parents. DIL wants her husband to work and earn and feed her with his salary rather than begging his parents for every little wish. This issue blew up, they fought and she left the house with kids and is living with her parents now. Husband approached the show asking them to help him to get his wife back.
    At then end of the show the DIL asked him to give her some proof that he will earn on his won instead of depending on his parents money. - Basically she asked him to be a man.
    Everyone on the show agreed to her but they also said that she needs to take care of his old parents and that he also needs to take care of her mom.

    After DH got home, MIL shared with him everything about the case and he patiently listened to her (which is very very unusual of him - he hates to witness such dramas) . MIL began to badmouth the DIL on TV.
    And was only saying one side of the story (that the son is rich and DIL should not be asking him to work and adjust with all the Sh!+ the inlaws are putting her through ) . My MIL was constantly saying, that the boy's parents endured so much so raise him. She was taking things too personally.
    I avoided saying anything and went inside to sleep. Then she told DH how much my inlaws struggled to raise them and how badly they would be hurt to see him working late hours etc. She kept on going and going and going. I lost it . I lost it BIG TIME at the very thought of expecting an educated woman to slog for no reason. I lost it for saying its unreasonable for a girl to expect an only son of a rich dad to work and earn some money on his own. I did not react to her but I put my thoughts forward. I was assertive but not rude at all. DH loathed the Son's parents for supporting the son to be jerk. He highly appreciated the DIL.
    DH finally said we have enough drama in our home, why do you watch such stuff and bring more drama ?
    She started asking why do we think there is drama in our home when she believes everyone is happy except for her etc stuff. DH and I told her that it was a very very general statement and NOT directed to anyone in particular. What we meant was in every family there are issues, why watch such shows and discuss those instead watch something more interesting and knowledge gaining.
    Since this morning MIL is not speaking to anyone. Not that I care anymore.
    That's all it was needed for Silent Treatment !! Really ??
    I am annoyed at how stupid my MIL can get - silent treatment to us because we disagreed on a TV show. She appears to wish that every one should think, act, dream , eat, drink, breathe and die just the way she likes and she appreciates.
    Huh,there ! I vented it out.
    Now help me deal with such stuff please. I have 1 month + before we all travel to India and we 4 (DD, DS, DH and I ) come back without MIL.
    P.S we only have one TV - cant have the option on watching TV in bedroom
     
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  2. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    This cracked me up!! :roflmao:
    My MIL watches these too...but secretly.
    I think most women like to know whats going in others families(including me..)
    These kind of shows and many more daily soaps cant be watched by any 2 family members together(may be except for mom and daughter)..such a sad state..

    OP..atleast you know the reason for silent treatment.. :)
     
  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @sbonigala- Ignore. Ignore.Ignore.
    Just be yourself. Just do everything what you do with your MIL. Don't give extra needed attention to her being upset.
    Use laptop to watch TV in your room. Leave the main TV to her.
    Or just sit with her when she is watching and if needed ask for remote and change the channel. She will burn up.
     
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  4. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    LOL .
    Had I been the old patient bahu, I would have done that and dealt with the burn too. But now am tired, i guess.
    Just doing my bit to avoid giving her chances for any kind of drama and cinema before we fly home.
    Gone are the days where it used be a tom-jerry fight. Now its at the emotional level - imagine the intensity of the irritation, my DH said he wants to send his mum back and cancel our Indian trip.
     
  5. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    hahaha yeah I presume so.
    Sometimes, I assume its one thing and it turns out to be a totally different thing altogether.
    But yeah this time I am blessed with the knowledge of reason. :facepalm:
     
  6. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    There is nothing better than DH being on your side and seeing his mum for who she is. Your battle is won :thumbup:
     
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  7. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Rarely are mil silent. So enjoy the silence and calmness around
     
  8. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Use this time to change to your favorite channel or put on some music and enjoy.
    I think you really handled it well.
     
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  9. lalsang123

    lalsang123 Bronze IL'ite

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    If your husband says the option of sending your MIL back and you people staying there then agree to it immediately without giving him time to think further.. When your MIL is watching TV then don't be in that room.. You close the door of your room and do whatever you like happily.. She is silent because she is waiting for you to come and talk to her.. Never give way for that.. Just don't even bother about her.. In fact you can just murmur some of your favorite songs while doing your jobs.. This may even irritate her more.. Whatever MILs see in TV they connect it with the real life since most of people of their age(of course there are exceptions too) like gossips.. They always say that they are the only ones who have taken pains to bring up their son and by doing this they have a wrong thinking that their son will start supporting them in every issue.. They do emotional blackmail.. They think that their son would believe whatever his mother says.. But actually it is not so.. Husbands of these days do know about their wives and their mothers(in this also we have some exceptions).. You just make a point to your husband saying that if his mother talks about some incident which had happened at home without your knowledge then he should make it a point to ask you also so that he will be able to decide accordingly..
     
  10. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for you r reply :)

    I cannot say that because I have planned outings with friends and cousins' catch ups and Biryani nights already. Looking forward for the shopping and street food in India. Cant afford to give it a miss now. DH also has plans to chill with his friends. So I don't mind him not cancelling the tickets to India.

    Yeah Correct. I understood this very recently. I must be such an idiot for not having learnt this earlier.
    Learning to ignore now. I am a very happy person who takes things easy and not fret over anything. I value a person more than my emotions. Earlier I could not see if anyone was silent and sad. I would come a step down (sometimes the whole staircase down) and do what keeps them happy. But now No.My MILs attitude is teaching me that I can be harsh too. Learning it the hard way :(

    Oh Yes ! You are so right. MIL does this every so often that now we all got used to this drama. Its just that I get irritated to see the same episode every other day with different costumes and situations but with exactly same dialogues. Like watching a repeat telecast of a TV serial.

    No my MIL can never dare talk to DH about me like that. That much am sure of. DH always tells her not to talk to him about me because I don't talk to him about her. He keeps telling me and her, "if you two have an issue, there is no use involving your son. Its useless and I cant help. Talk to each other and sort it out". Also he acknowledges firmly that whatever a DIL does, a MIL cannot be satisfied. He told her straight on her face that she can never be happy if she does not want to change her attitude towards her DILs.

    My issue is the irritation caused by silent treatment. Well, I am learning to cope with that now.
     

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