Sil Is Cold With Me.. Am I Sadistic?

Little bit of background..

This SIL is my BIL's(Husband's younger brother) wife. From initial days itself we didn't have great relationship, like hi bye only but no grudges or whatever. Later they flown to US.
Inbetween in phone calls.. she stopped talking to me all together. I did not bother about it.
Last week they came to India for vacation. since then she is behaving cold with me.

After one year she alone came , I was having some differences in opinion with Il's including DH.
So was not talking much to her. But I didn't hurt her any way.

When they arrived I asked her How is she doing and how was the travel... She just replied hmmmm. literally hmmmm.. I felt bad but thought she might be tired of travelling , she went to the room to take rest.

me and DH left to the office.

In the evening I was preparing omelette, SIL came from room. I asked her whether she wanted one.. no reply . My MIL was there , and she asked SIL , SIL said "no I don't want..".

Next day morning, I was preparing dosa as breakfast. She was telling my MIL she wants chapathi and she would not eat rice and other varieties.
Out of curiosity , I asked "why only chapati all 3 times ". . No reply again
Again same question from my MIL , replay was " she would eat brown rice also in between".

This morning,

I wanted to put clothes for washing, took laundry basket from my room, and from MIL's room. Our washing machine is in upper floor. So i asked her bring your basket to upper floor. no reply again .

My MIL from kitchen told, "you go and put our clothes . I will bring hers later and start the washing machine".

I got so much angry this time. I went and put our clothes and switched on the machine even though space was there.
After this I was sweeping the floor. she would always keep the door closed , seeing this she opened door. I did not bother to sweep her room.
In between I got to know that she has depression , that's why she is moody all the time even she wont talk to her normally.

Hearing this, i feel bad for her. but this behavior of hers put me into anger. Don't feel like talking to her. I feel I am behaving like sadist.

When I told this to my DH, he told that he also felt strange but nothing he could do.

My MIL often tellls , be nice with her, be nice with her. How can I be nice when she behaves like this?

 

Thanks for your reply. Even I feel sad for her. that is the reason trying multiple times to talk to her.
I think she is already on medication. When I heard this , suggested BIl to take her to yoga and meditation.
But this attitude of hers put me down.

And she is cold only with me. With my DH and DD she is quite normal, replies to them.
It bothers me that, she came to my home but dont talk to me.
Any way she is not willing to talk to me. Shall I ignore her totally? Dont bother to talk to her?

 

I want to ignore her totally. even though MIL knows that SIL ignores me. constantly reminds me talk to her , talk to her. So i try here and there to talk.

SIL is sensitive , even smallest of small thing she gets offended. One time, my MIL handed tea cup to her. SIl told, she didnot like that tumbler, get me different one, When MIL changed it to second tumbler, she did not like that either , asked for different one. so my MIL was pouring tea in 3rd tumbler. I told SIL in calm tone only, "you take whatever glass you want , they are all here only, I pulled and showed the tumbler stand". For that itself she got offended, locked up in the room. She cried there it seems. This might be extreme case of depression. I don't know.


My BIL, MIL, FIL all went to console her.
After sometime they called me into room.
I was scared to hell thinking all will gang up on me for telling her to take her glass(If any previous instances I have done like this knowingly or unknowingly ). Luckily I had to attend my DD urgently so no confrontation. Spared for the day.

I will try to ignore her at all the instances. All I want is She should not get more depressed because me . Even DH told me" talk to her only if necessary".

 

Your words put my anger down.

Tomorrow is her birthday. Even to wish I am in two minds. Want to wish to avoid Il's taunt later.
Bought new two kurtis, thought of allowing her to choose one of them as birthday gift. after the morning episode, dont feel like doing so.

 

there was one incident.. evening of the day they arrived , when I was back from office, I didn't find SIL at hall... So casually /jokingly asked "where is small madam, don't see her " like that. She was in the room , heard this and got offended it seems. BIL told this DH. DH told me dont make such comedy act, you hurt her. I am careful with my words now.

At our home Calling ladies as madam is not new, even my DH calls me big madam, my DD as small madam. When my BIL got married, BIL himself used to call me big madam, her as small madam , his mom as chief madam. So out of practice, this "madam" came out of my mouth.

Was this really a hurtful thing?.