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Sil Didn't Tell Me She Delivered 2nd Baby..despite Good Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Vedhavalli, Aug 3, 2017.

  1. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    It's ok ...don't ask her anything ...talk to her as usual.if she is really close sure she will tell u the reason,because of this one issue don't spoil her relationship
     
    paru123 likes this.
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is ok.. Wish her and the new born at least for the formality sake.
    Refrain from further talks or texts until she comes back and shares anything.
    After that, redefine your boundaries with her.
    If she chose to disconnect, let it be.

    In general, do not expect others to behave just like you. It is impossible.
    And when someone behaves differently, do not feel so hurt and upset about it.

    Bet it your friend or SIL or anyone for that matter. They are unique individuals, and they have their own reasons to behave so. But don't let their behavior affect your peace of mind this badly.

    To this, you must stop expecting others to reciprocate the way how you behave with them. They are not your photo-copy or extensions to be like you. They are different individuals. Accept this, and move on.

    In future, there may be a cousin or sometimes your own sister.

    Let me share one similar incident happened to me.
    I have a very close and positive relationship with my sister, who lives in another city.
    She became pregnant with her 3rd kid a few months back, and it was clearly an unexpected, and unplanned baby.
    She took this morning after pill, and strongly believed this baby won't stay. But her blood work came positive and her Gyno gave 50% chance for this baby.
    It was her 2nd month when me and my mom visited her casually, and we were unaware of anything then.

    During our visit, there was a talk about one pregnant woman in her office and we laughed about that loudly. My sisters' MIL overheard this and misunderstood that we were talking about sister's pregnancy. So, she broke the news just like that by thinking we knew it already.
    We were shocked. Specially my mom was shocked since sister would talk to mom almost daily.
    Besides, that day when they met their Gyno, we made a call to sister casually and she said that she was at dentist's office.

    But then, my sister clarified that she was mentally not prepared for this 3rd kid, as her second kid was barely 1 yr old by then. Also, she hoped strongly that this kid won't survive, and would get naturally aborted before the 3rd month scan.
    Besides. she was too embarrassed to reveal this to us, fearing our usual teasing. She said that she was mentally fully down, and not ready for any sort of fun teasing then.
    Whatever it may be, it hurt us for a moment that she didn't tell us this news despite of our closeness. But then, we took it positively and moved on.
    This matter didn't affect our relationship at all.

    Not everyone is same. Not everyone's situations are same. So, better you lessen your expectations and emotional dependence on others, rather please learn to accept them.
     
    sindmani, Rise, paru123 and 3 others like this.
  3. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, it looks like a simple case misunderstanding. I agree with the others who said that she assumed you would have heard it from your inlaws and since you did not wish her well, SHE was hurt and didn't bring it up. And now YOU are hurt because you feel that she did not inform you. NOw, if you say "you are done with your inlaws" you will lose the one person you actually like, in that family. All for what? a silly little misunderstanding!

    Let it go for now. Pretend nothing ever happened. Do not rake up this issue right away. She has just delivered a baby, has another one plus she is most likely hormonal and overwhelmed. If you talk about it now, the situation could sour even more. After a few months, when it seems like she has got a handle of the situation, gently let her know, you were hurt/surprised and that you didn't know. Ask why she didn't tell you. Then take it from there.
     

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