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Sil and co-sis

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by disillusion, Jan 1, 2012.

  1. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    I feel hurt and disappointed by my SIL's and my co-sis's behavior. I broke of relations with my SIL and trying to cool of with my co-sis. The issue is about the DV going on in my marriage. SIL is H's sister. I feel so bad because they have never ever given me any support. One incident, I was talking to her on the phone, she is in India, my husband started hitting me. I told her he is hitting me while I'm on the phone. She said....what can you do, you have to accept. My SIL knows about the abuse. She has witnessed him dragging me by the hair and pushing me out, but she always supports him. My co-sis makes me feel bad by never ever asking me how I am, am I ok? She also knows about the abuse. I told her once that he hits me and spits on me. I would have liked her to be someone close that I could talk to. But she never does any close conversations with me.My question is would you feel bad about this behavior or am I being to sensitive?
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2012
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  2. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Sil

    In this family there is no conversation about abuse. Only thing, we are expected to smile and act like a happy family.
     
  3. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    SIL naturally will have more inclination towards her brother or she would have indirectly told your H to behave that way.cosis is afraid of sympathesing with you as she fears for her own life.these are my guesses.anyhow you just ignore them and treat them as strangers.they are spineless women.
     
  4. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    You are being pulled and dragged by your hair,pushed out,hit and spat by your husband. You dont need anyone's sympathy. You need respect...not by anyone else but by you!Lady, If you dont love yourself,why bother about others!!
    Get up and stand up for yourself. Say NO to abuse. If you cant do that,pack your bags and leave the place. Sad to see how women allow such things to be done to themselves.
     
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  5. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with rose.
    Who cares what others think or do when you are suffering.
    You need to help yourself to stay safe.
    Their sympathy will not take your pain away and make it to a happy marriage.
    Let's just say even if they sympathize and be lovey dovey to you than what. Will your h behave better because his sis loves you.
    Their is saying in kannada "ganda baddi andehare ourorella baddi anderanthe."
    Meaning is "if husbands calls you prostitute or bitch or any bad name than the whole village or city or world will call you the same"
     
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  6. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Disillusion, I have been in this situation. Like other ladies told you dont need support to stand your husband's abuse but your own firm mind to PUT A STOP TO IT.!!. You are not only depressed but confused to take next step. Wake up before your kid understands everything happening around you.Do you want to scar the kid's childhood. What do you think? If your husband has so much as abused you and dragged you by hair what will he do next. Dont you ever worry your kid maybe his next target. Do you want that.Get out before its too late. What is keeping you with him. Your parents are supportive. Please dont tell me your in laws oppose so you want to live with him.Your SIL- co sis are not kin to you to seek their support and feel bad. They are in laws as in not concerned with your feelings.

    Please do not think , I havent been in your situation. My in laws told me its okay to get abused becoz my husband was stresssed. But they also told my SIL shudnt go thru the same.My SIL told I was immature to do what I did.It made me sad for a moment but the very next moment , I thot they are not worth it.

    You need to get off the dream world of seeking approval and do something about the abuse. You can make your own future. Your husband is manipulative at best. I went thru your other posts to respond here. He needs some serious punishment to be given.He knows you are weak minded. Make up your mind and start from there. You had a job and you quit. Your husband wants to be near when you talk to friends. This is only becoz he is scared you will disclose his abuse to everybody.Next time he abuses you call 911 and take a Temporary Protection Order. This time dont remove it until he finishes anger management classes . I gave all reasons like you did. But when I dialled 911 ,that moment made me stronger and indifferent to all sneaky things like my in laws manipulating to get their son out of trouble . The point is once you reach a place where you are disillusioned to the core, you emerge stronger and want an out of disaster around you. And abuse is disaster at best . Think about all this.Good Luck.
     
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  7. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Hi there,
    I think not many of them care for others when they suffer really even if they are close in a relative circle. So why bother about them?
    Dont expect any sort of sympathy from anyone these days. Its really hard to find real care from other than parents.

    You only need to stand up for yourself. Fight for yourself to gain your respect. That's all is need of the hour for you.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Wish you a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012.
     
  8. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Stop being a doormat , why are you putting up with type of behavior from H? Tell him to end it or be ready to face the music as there are plenty of ways to set him right legally.
    Stop looking for sympathy from Inlaws, why expect them to say kind words to you ? Do you expect SIL to go against her brother i.e your H?
    Please talk to your own family and friends to mend the situation .
    Best of all you do something about it.
    God helps those who help themselves.
     
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I seriously can't believe you get beaten up when talking on phone and instead of hitting back at the ******* you meekly tell his sister that he is beating you. She does not have to tell you that all you can do is accept it, because you are already doing it.

    D, everyone has been telling you quite clearly to get up and get moving out of this house and relationship. Please approach the police first and file a complaint. Don't spare this *******. He really deserves to rot in jail for a good period of time before he comes to his senses.

    This time round don't let him get away from RO and try to see that he does not have access to the kid if that is the reason for his infringing on the RO.

    Show some guts lady. Stop allowing him to go for nice, long walks all over you.
     
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  10. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    well said Rose ... and other ladies...

    Dear,
    Just understand one thing... in life there would be no one for you except you, yourself.. and what is that you expect from you SIL or co-SIL or your H? sympathy? Do you want sympathy or respect?? just think about this.
    if sympathy--- Be ready to take all their abuse just because you mean nothing to yourself.
    Respect---Then first give yourself self-respect.
    Dont you have your principles/goals in life? go chase them ... then you will not even have time to even think about sil or co-sis....
    And remember, say NO to any kind of abuse be it physical, emotional or what ever...be very strict in this regards...

    take care
     

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