SIL and clothes :-) !

Reflection123 · Feb 24, 2012

I dont mind shopping with her, and if she wants me to find something for her-she is quite straightforward in telling me so--and I really don't mind helping her choose. But she always likes to buy her own choice of clothes and prefers her choice over everyone else's, which is nice. Its only when I wear my dresses and look good in those...she wants them for herself.

I will narrate an instance...during a visit to her place, she asked me to show to her my dresses that I had brought along for myself. She found them just ok. But then I tried one or two of them in front of her....it was then she exclaimed that I was really looking hot in one of them. She said she wants that dress in which I was looking so hot, and that she was keeping it for herself now. I did feel ....that if I looked so hot in a dress, why would I want to give it to her.....why wouldn't I want to look good myself (I do carry the petty desire to look my best too!)! However that time I gave it to her thinking that I'd buy something similar for myself later. But even when I searched the stores, I didn't find anything similar...and honesty I felt myself foolish rather than experiencing any "joy of giving/sharing" !!!

However that was just one instance so i let it go. Now that she is coming to stay near my place...I really do not want to experience the happiness of sharing dresses'. I want to look nice...and I want to look nice in my own stuff. She has already seen some of my pics on a social networking site....and I did look nice in those...so she has declared that she is 'interested' in those dresses!! I find her interest quite annoying...I will be quite happy with one less person complimenting me..but I really don't want a compliment that costs me the cause of the compliment itself!!

So its not that she likes my choice more than hers....its just that if I look good in something, she'd rather have it for herself..doesn't matter if it belongs to me, and if I really like it. But this time, I think I'd nicely tell her...that I am not giving it away.

flowerlady · Feb 24, 2012

What if you took a few of your SIL's favourite dresses then maybe she will take the hint? Take the dresses and return them after a long time.Dont wear them, just keep them. Or when she asks for your dresses say that your DH loves you in those and you cant bear to lend them.
This type of clothes swapping is common amongst sisters but rare between SIL and SIL!
My elder SIL took one of favourite dresses and passed it on to her sis who used to wear it to our place and everywhere else. It was never returned , even if it had been ,I would have never worn it anyway. :rant

anugamit · Feb 24, 2012

Just buy two similar, while shopping with her or without her...while shopping with her tell her we will take two similarones, one for you and one for me......or tell her straight I like this dress the most so i cannot give it to you....even if she is hurt she will not keep grudge for lifetime for same dress....or tell her this colour dress will not look good on you or this pattern will not suit you whenever she wants any dress of yours.....SIMPLE.

kadalpura · Feb 24, 2012

@Reflection123: go ahead and do it. I agree with every point you mentioned.

ladies,
everyone here says these are just materials, just let it go. Yes, ofcourse I agree with you all. But remember when you give it willingly(atleast after making up your mind to give), that's different. But if one is going to snatch it from you, don't you feel like stupid or atleast hurt for a moment? If we are not attached to any materials in life, then we would have become yogis by now
I am willing to share my things, provided, I should be giving those items to them, and they cannot take them themselves without my knowledge.

DKI · Feb 26, 2014

OP only has to deal with SIL borrowing her clothes. I have a MIL who wants my saris as well as my jewellery because "she is bored of wearing her own". This would have been acceptable (not really, but I would have tolerated it) had it been now. But she asked to wear my wedding sari less than a month after my wedding. We were going for a relative's wedding and she said that her relatives had seen her wearing all her saris and jewellery, so she would wear my sari and my jewellery....and I could wear hers!!!!!

I told my husband that my dad never encouraged that behaviour even between my mom, sis, and myself and that I personally did not like sharing my clothes. He relayed this to her. She grumbled for a while, but never asked again.