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SIL and clothes :-) !

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reflection123, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    As other members suggested, share ur not so favorite ones and hide the dresses u love for urself. Also if u guys give gifts to ur SIL, then buy her some dresses which are similar to urs (if u dont mind getting similar stuff for her and buying two pieces). Also suggest her and ur BIL to shop from those places next time (might as well ask her to go there and check stuff for herself and u!). Also pick her fav. stuff and keep it for days, even if u don't wear it (she needs to know how it feels when someone takes ur fav stuff and doesn't return it back).
    If u think u can talk to ur hubby abt this, might as well have a conversation with him on how to tackle ur SIL without offending her.
     
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  2. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for your advices...and its giving me some ideas to deal with her !!

    I really want to hide my dresses from her...but not sure how that would work--because if I wear a dress and if it looks hot ...she wants it then and there(washed/unwashed....doesn't matter :bonk )!.....I have posted pics of some of my dresses on facebook....and she already wants some of those dresses :drowning!!
    I can't even say that the dress has gone for dry-cleaning...(because if I am wearing it, its not gone for laundry) + she already knows that in US I do all my laundry at home+ if I make some excuse, she is ready to wait for it to grab it on her next visit!!..

    Its been kind of funny, actually hilarious....I have light eyes...she wants the same eye color lens..:rotfl...on and off she keeps asking my DH whether she looks better than I do.....he finds it hilarious too, and just lovingly assures her that she is the prettiest!! Knowing that his sister would be pestering me for dresses, my DH has been citing to me the plus points of sharing/giving away one's clothes to those who like them more..he can't stop singing praises of what an awesome family tradition it is to give your clothes to younger ones, especially if they like your clothes and want those for themselves!!.... :bowdown..

    I have told him quite clearly that I am not interested in giving my dresses to anyone..!!!...I guess I will just tell my SIL too, that I don't like to share clothes...if it pisses her off...I think I will just pray for her mental peace. :rotfl....I actually like her a lot--otherwise I find her a charming girl, but I don't exactly have the reputation of making sacrifices to keep everyone happy.....:cheers . If she gets upset , I guess its her problem--and I will let her deal with it herself.
     
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  3. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    The idea of suggesting to her that I would help her pick similar/nicer clothes is actually nice

    Maybe I will also buy her a dress...and when she asks me for my clothes...I will present the dress I bought for her, nicely explaining to her that I got this for her....but at the same time I don't like to share my own clothes.After hearing everyone's suggestions, I think telling her clearly that I don't like sharing clothes is the best option here, because it will save me from negotiations and making excuses in future. I think I can add some consolation to my permanent refusal to sharing clothes by gifting her a brand new nice dress...and offering to go shopping with her to help her choose similar stuff as mine.....!

    I guess that might give her a message that i care for her, but will not bend backwards for her. May be that will piss her off a little less...and if she still remains upset,--then its just not my problem anymore :)
     
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  4. kadalpura

    kadalpura Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I too have a younger SIL who always likes to borrow others stuff and wear it. Economically she can't afford to get luxorious clothes, so I feel sorry for her when she borrows things from others, but then I don't think that can be a reason for her behaviour. She always likes to wear new things and ofcourse no one can buy all things. I live away from them, so escaped from her. When I commented to my H, he said you were raised as a single girl, that's why you don't know to share with others. He praised it as if it is a godly habbit. I didn't reply back thinking that atleast she didn't use my things. But I have left all my jewels with MIL and one day I saw that one of my studs were missing. When I asked about it they said they took it out to give it to my last MIL's daughter to wear it on the day of my seemandham. I got pissed off as I was there and they didn't even ask my permission to use it. I got back some of my jewels to my place, but don't know whether they use my other jewels which are still with them. As you say, I don't mind sharing it others, but only if I am comfortable/willing to do. I hate to see such people who shamelessly wish for others things always.
     
  5. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Kadalpura, ur story is just like me....some people are just shameless, never bother even if we tell them on their face.
     
  6. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    @kadalpura
    thats not done....first using your jewelry without your permission, and second losing an ear stud..and not having the courtesy to inform you. you must keep your jewelry with yourself.

    my SIL is really well off and can afford really nice clothes..she is an investment banker, and her husband is a senior management consultant in US. But she has this very competitive feeling...she feels the need to look more fashionable than everyone else around. If she finds any other woman in her circle at slightly on the fashionable end...she wants to look better-- then and there ......If I am looking nice in a dress, she will want to try it on herself..and if she likes that dress on herself---she will assertively not give it back and will plead/demand/request to keep it with herself...!! All the people in the family find it difficult to deal with her such strongly assertive perpetual demands!! I like the way she constantly likes to work on her sense of style and fashion....but not at the cost of my own clothes :) !!
     
  7. kadalpura

    kadalpura Silver IL'ite

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    @Reflection123: no, they didn't lose it. My MIL kept it along with her niece's jewels. I was burning inside but didn't show it to MIL. I'm planning to get rest of my jewels too. Just waiting for an occasion(marriage or something), so that I can ask my H to bring it to my place. By this way, I can avoid any straing in relationship with my MIL and others.
     
  8. Riya2012

    Riya2012 Bronze IL'ite

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    This is such a hilarious situation..

    But you know m bitten by same bug... my elder bhabhi (sister in law) wants all the things i have to wear.

    I have already tried buying her quite a number of sarees ,suits ,jwellery but no matter what it is... when ever I am in india and i take things out of my almirah.. she wants my saree same day for herself... its really tough.. as my DH wants me to share my sarees and clothes with her like he does with his bro.. but sorry m not raised this way. I find it ofending. I dont like sharing my clothes ,makeup and belongings.. it gets over me many a times.

    SIL still eyes on my wedding sarees..one best part, she will remember and nag you to get the clothes she likes but once given forget it to get back.. she has a huge list of excuses of not giving it... this time my almirah's keys are with her.. i dont know if i will ever be able to get to see my favouraites in my wardrobe or will be robbed of all.

    At one instance she wore my new brand pooja saree without fall and pico.. its so annoying.. i had to rush to her room to get it after she ruined the bottom of that saree ... to my DH its just okay becoz we can buy another but to me it was an insult to my clothes. i really dont know how to tackle her as she make so many stories and tells it to my nanads(my DH sis ) that how bitchy I am as i cant share such simple stuffs with her.Uffffffff...

    Few people are just too shameless and such a pain to bear !! If any one of you has any advice pls share as i need a rescue too.Pls dont ask me to borrow her clothes as i cant do that....
     
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  9. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow...this is now becoming a hot thread. Sharing personal things is not such a pleasant experience for many, but for the ones who borrow it, nothing seems to matter. I have given away favourite clothes only to be locked away, never to see the light of day. That hurts a lot. Borrow it and use it. If you plan to lock it away, I might as well keep it and use it. Some never come back in spite of repeated requests. And some just get used and after they tried dry cleaning them or sending them to the dhobi, they just go missing!! That is just too bad.

    Jewellery...God its such a delicate matter to deal with!! Using it without permission is one thing and not returning it is even worse. I guess everyone goes through with this sometime or the other. I had never had any doubt with leaving my wedding jewellery and silver ware with my in-laws until one time they claimed they did not know which was whose and used them. But that was no big deal. They are my family, they have given me so much and them using a piece of jewellery should not bother me.

    They did not put them back properly. Just mine. A few of mine which my parents got for me almost 25 years ago were damaged. That was just the start. When I brought this to the attention of people at home I was told "Its just money, buy another one and discard these old ones. Wear the ones we got you." The jewellery my parents bought for me are far more precious simply because THEY bought them for me and I was always told - Buy it if you LIKE it. They were not imposed on me to show off their financial status.

    My silverware, more than half of them have gone missing and the brass ware, all of it gone. I know these are things and money can buy them again. But there is so much sentiment attached to them. Its my wedding gift my parents bought saving every penny.

    I realised very late I could solve this very simply. It was luck I should say, a nationalised bank opened a new branch near our place and was offering lockers. Everyone knows how difficult they are to get these days. I was one of the first applicants and neither my parents nor my in-laws could object. I moved as many jewellery and silver ware of mine into it and told everyone that I'd like to USE my locker, now that I have one. Also I get to use this one when ever I want. I don't have to wait for others to find time to let me operate it.

    Get a locker when you get married. Or get one even now. Put your name on the list in the bank most accessible from where you live. It will always help some way or the other.

    I tell my mother the same. When her DIL arrives, its normal to say "We don't want anything. Give your daughter what ever you feel like"..She has also got to say "Get her a locker where she can manage what she has been given". That is one thing you can ask that will make the girl happy.
     
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  10. Riya2012

    Riya2012 Bronze IL'ite

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    @ tanoshii: very true. Sometimes its really better to be pratical then be sorry later on. Atleast i managed to safe guard my jwellery by putting it in locker. Though its seldom seen but i know its safest there :) ;)
     
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