1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Sigh of Relief...........

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by vjbunny, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,874
    Likes Received:
    1,806
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Friends....
    I am new to writing fictions and I am exploring this facet of writing.....I need your support and guidance Please leave your valuable suggestions and if you spot a mistake Please guide me through it.....

    I thank Satchi for her guidance and motivation....VidChakra and Premalatha...who goaded me to write.....

    Seeking your blessings...
    [FONT=comic sans ms,sans-serif]"Sandeep Sandeep darling look what I have brought for you" Suman called sweetly to her only son putting all her motherly love in her voice....

    She was holding a tray with Sandeeps favourite biscuits and horlicks.....She was feeling guilty....Last night Sandeep had rushed to her side terrified about something she was about to enquire when Sudeep scolded him
    "What the hell you are back again for.... How many times I have told you to sleep in your room[/FONT]
    ...
    I will not listen to your silly excuses go back to your room this moment..."
    Suman interjected "Lets hear him out first we cant be so harsh he is just five....."
    Sudeep :"Suman you just spoil him...... I am fed up of his everyday antics he has to learn so please dont interfere"
    So saying sent his son back Suman had seen the genuine fear in his teary eyes but Sudeep too had his points....Somehow the look on her sons face made her sleepless she got up early went for her usual walk on the way back saw the tea shop open and bought Sandeeps favourite biscuits....She had been standing at her sons bedroom door for five minutes but there was no response...She slowly opened the door Sandeep was not in his bed she kept the tray on his study table and went to the attached bathroom and knocked the door she got no response. She put her ears to the door to listen but there was nothing to listen to. She opened the door - the bathroom was empty....She panicked and began to think aloud "where could he be....has he gone out while I went for walk...No it cant be because I locked the door before I went...." So she began to search below the bed , table and cupboard and every corner of the room hall and kitchen...Sandeep was nowhere to be seen...She rushed to her bedroom and woke up Sudeep crying in panic..."Sudeep Sandeep is no where at home Pls wake up, wake up, will you?"
    Sudeep got up with a jerk "What Sandeep not at home? Did you check properly? He must be playing prank..."
    Suman replied in teary voice "No Sudeep I checked everywhere...."

    Sudeep "Okay let me check once..." He went everywhere and checked but Sandeep was nowhere. He went out and checked the park nearby where Sandeep used to play everyday...but to no avail...tired he came back...
    As soon as he returned home Suman rushed to his side and asked "Did you find him? Where is he?" Sudeep just shook his head....
    She remembered how roughly Sudeep had admonished the terrified boy...began to scold him ..."You are too strict with such a small boy. When he came so terrified you wouldn't allow me to enquire. You were on your high horse. Even we didn't sleep in our seperate rooms when young. Aren't we independent?....Just making the small boy sleep in a different room doesn't make him independent....Do you ever listen to me? ...Now look where he must have gone....I won't forgive you if something happened..."
    Sudeep felt guilty for he too had seen the terrified look in Sandeeps teary eyes....
    Then all of a sudden the Puja room door opened and a groggy Sandeep approached his mom "What happened mom? Why are you crying?..."
    Suman hugged him and asked "What were you doing in Puja room? I was terrified not finding you in your bedroom ...."
    Sandeep "Mom granny during her last visit told me to seek Gods help whenever I am in trouble. So yesterday when I had very bad dream, I came to your room but Papa wouldn't allow me to sleep there. I was terrified to go back to my room, so I went to the Puja room closed the door for I was very afraid and began to say my prayers and slept there while saying prayer and hearing your cries I woke up "
    Hearing this both Suman and Sudeep let out sigh of relief ....
     
    13 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,731
    Likes Received:
    2,535
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear VJbunny
    A first-class piece!...a good post is the one which keeps the reader engrossed from start to finish. Your post had this and more; I had this unexplained ache within me concerning this tiny boy!...where could he be? ???
    Looking forward to a lot more from you!
    Mega
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,027
    Likes Received:
    440
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    hmm could enjoy ur writin but... mother went for her usual walk in d mrng after spending sleepless night? dint she want to look whether her son is ok d first thing in d mrng? ;) by d way hw old is sandeep?
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,587
    Likes Received:
    2,775
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear VJB
    Looks like you are exploring yourself, you have so much in you from snippet you landed in poems where you were hit and now in stories...
    I must say I 2nd Mega in what she says about you. It was just excellent story keeps the reader to keep going nonstop. Hope we will get to read more here too.
    Keep exploring yourself so that we get the masterpiece to read and enjoy.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,874
    Likes Received:
    1,806
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Megalife....
    Very happy to recieve your encouraging fb from such a good writer.....
    Thank You dear for your first fb and Your fb helps me a lot...
     
  6. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,874
    Likes Received:
    1,806
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear amunique....
    Good question....She had disturbed sleep and had got up very early she might have thought it might disturb her son if he is in sleep already he is terrified the sound of opening his door might horrify him yet again.....So she went for walk and bought the biscuits this shows she had him in her thoughts.....

    Thanks for your fb....It helps me a lot...
     
  7. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,874
    Likes Received:
    1,806
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Aruna....
    Our IL is a magic place whoever comes here rediscovers themselves and I am one of the many..trying to test waters......

    Thank You for your sweet fb.....and your fb helps me a lot...
     
  8. Sudha Kailas

    Sudha Kailas IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,871
    Likes Received:
    1,985
    Trophy Points:
    455
    Gender:
    Female
    Your adventure into story writing is a good beginning and it is time that you have discovered one more talent in you !!

    Full of suspense and I can see a thriller writer in you.........
     
  9. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,027
    Likes Received:
    440
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    hmm .. if the son is terrified... his mom's responsibility is to comfort him immediately and not after a long time... and also.. seems this boy is a kid so he is sleeping in the puja room... if thats the case.. ;) pls work on my fb...
     
  10. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,874
    Likes Received:
    1,806
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Sudha...,
    Thanks for your encouraging reply....I dont know dear...Hope to keep up to your expectations....
     

Share This Page