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Sick of Inlaws...seeking advise badly...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sunita23, Mar 18, 2014.

  1. sunita23

    sunita23 Silver IL'ite

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    There is a cold war between me and MIL/SIL sometime with DH...

    Its just because of my MIL, she just want me to work 24X7,..Sometime she pretends infront of everyone that she wants to help me but she will just start or take initiative to make a particluar dish but she leaves in halfway with all the more mess for me to complete it and clean it..

    She loves spending time watching TV all day/night or going out of home to take a walk or to gossips with her circle.

    She keeps cribbing that she is physically sick all the time..but somehow,she is very fresh and young when it comes to going outside or attending some party and wedding.

    Now-a-days she stopped doing any of the work.... which she used to do earlier like making tea for my FIL. or giving food to her sister (she is completly dependant and slow learner)..she only watch TV and go out...

    On top of all these she gave me more work by making my house dirty.For eg..if she combs her hair,she will throw the strands on the floor and walk away... When she enters into the kitchen she throws garbage or unwanted things on the floor rather than putting it into dustbin. Milk or tea whatever she try to makes....most of the time it spill all over the sink and on gas stove. But she don't bother to clean or atleast put some water so that it should not become hard to clean..

    She had made my terrace (attached with Bedroom )as a garbage ground.... I can't even sit in Hall its so messy.. She will throw my baby's and my DH washed and dry clothes on my Bed...so that I can see them and keep it in shelf....(I know I have to do it... But why to mess my bedroom, keep it on hanger as it is)..

    .I am tired of cleaning and working all over places..... I can't tolerate dirtyness.. I keep brooming my house to make it nice and clean...but she keeps making it dirty anyhow.

    I am a working women I hardly get times on weekdays, and on weekend her guests will keep coming and I have to act like a host...Cooking serving...... If I go out with my DH....after coming to home. have to do all the work which I left while going.....including coocking for them...

    I stay with MIL, FIL, MIL's sister, SIL.... all with their special character..... am getting sick of everyone am currently living with..

    And if I bring all this to my DH attention ,he obviously safeguard her/them by saying ignore her...or she has become old and all....let them live their life...bla bla bla.... I get pissed off very badly...

    How much to ignore....and how much to tolerate ?? by all these years I have just ignored her...but things are not getting good for me....

    I donno where I am leading with all this frustration....

    Any suggestion to tackle this situation might help.
     
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  2. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    Since u are working, I would recommend a house maid to help u...... with house hold work like cleaning, mopping and dish washing.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Get a full time maid to help you.If anyone objects...just tell them to help do that work.You can't do it all....there are too many people to be taken care of.

    Try to get your husband involved.Tell him you can't take care of everything and need help.Seeing him doing work will get mil and sil thinking or maybe he will get tired and tell them move their butt(specially sil).
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2014
  4. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    Stop cleaning for a day or two.. and stop completing the un-finished work of your MIL.. if she asks, tell her that you started it, so better finish it..
     
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  5. sunita23

    sunita23 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi

    I had a maid in past...but none of them stayed for long... Recently got a maid that to only for Dish wash on condition that she will comes only in evening.(agreed by my MIL)...but in morning I have to do the dish cleaning work to use the utensil for cooking..


     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why doesn't your sil help?Tell husband to get her to do her share of the work.What is her excuse ?She is not old...
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Sunita....if maid is a problem ,then stop taking on all the work. Tell mil and sil you will come back and cook dinner ...they have to manage breakfast and lunch.Leave the house dirty when you leave. They can stay in a dirty house.IF possible get the maid to help you clean when you come back. If the maid is not willing ,then you just do your bit. Clean the living room and your bedroom(get husband to help you with this).
     
  8. sunita23

    sunita23 Silver IL'ite

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    She is a divorcee and she has her own sad life.. so she gets special attention (sympathy). she is a teacher and a big time lazy bone (pain in my life)... she watch all the serials since she steps in house till 12-1am in night...

    MIL/FIL does all her work including going bank depositing her money etc etc.. ..

    As per MIL she is not supposed to do the household work... its my nd her (MIL) responsibility to take care of the house..... And when it comes to offer help its her sickness demand rest.....

    SIL is very moody when she feel to do something then only she will work otherwise no....its very unclear for me and no time to wait and see if they get up to work...so I have to take the lead as my DH will start asking for food...

    I have faced all this drama in past too..

     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Since your sil is staying with in laws...what are the chances of separating and getting a place of your own? Have you ever talked about it(if you want this) with your husband? Tell him things need to change or you need to get your own place.
     
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  10. sunita23

    sunita23 Silver IL'ite

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    My DH is not ready to move (mentally) I had many arguments on that.. and even my Father doesn't support me in staying away with them..as my DH is the only Son...

    and also I need them to take care of my Kid when I am in office.. I need to support my family (DH) in financial matters too, so can't even leave my Job to be at home..

    I have tried all the options I can think of...But again ending up with the same story.

     

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