Should My Mother Contact Boys Mother?

Please save the dignity of your and family's. It will work only if both sides are interested. Here all are sensing the same, sorry to say let it go. Good luck!

 

NO, Let it go

 

To be honest - I have had this happen both ways. Sometimes, my parents would have declined an interest initially, or maybe the groom’s side. The reason is typically - location or horoscope match. If it is location I am ok if we revisit the match. If it is horoscope - my question is “How is the horoscope magically matching now?”. Was the horoscope match an excuse for something else or is it that the parents no longer want to keep rejecting matches on the account of horoscope. I don’t like either of the reasons - either ways, the initial reasons to decline are sure to come up. However, I am usually shot down on this and my parents ask me to keep an open mind.

If it is an alliance wherein I have spoken to the prospective groom - there is no way I am going back (irrespective of who has declined). I feel strongly about this and even though my parents ask me (sometimes it is very strong ask) about an odd alliance here and there (going back that is); I have not done that.

 

Nolife, if everything matched I would have said yes the first time around. I believe that we should never second guess ourselves - we already have other people doing that for us.

 

OK, I could share my brother's personal story here for clarity.

We saw a match through a family friend, and we were quite interested about the match just as the bride's side upon seeing the initial details like family background, education qualification, photo etc. So, we discussed with their family and scheduled a meeting at a common place (family meeting, where both boy and the girl get a chance to meet each other and discuss in private for few mins etc).
Upon seeing the girl, the first impression from everyone of our side was very negative. The girl did not seem attractive as she was in the photo. And nothing about them impressed us in general either.
We all honestly stated our impression in the car and rejected this alliance the same day citing something else (vaguely, as we did not want to hurt the girl or her family by our rejection).

We moved on after that, and started looking for other girls through matrimonial in the meantime. Within 2-3 months, one of my brother's friend approached me and my mom (as we stay together) one day, and stated that my brother would like to marry that girl (the above one). We were surprised, but later we came to know that the girl contacted my brother several times through his mobile and expressed how much she liked him and felt connected to him upon the first meeting etc..etc... and this continued for sometimes till my brother felt "something" for her.
Since we all stated our opinion on the first instances, my brother was hesitant to come to us, and say that he likes her now. However, he approached us through his friend.

We were very happy to know that he liked her, as all we wanted was a girl of his choice to be his bride.

After this, we met their family formally and continued the marriage talks. Now that they are happily married for 5 years with 2 beautiful angels.

My SIL still don't know what we thought about her at the first instance, and why we rejected her then. In fact, she has turned out to be glowing after being a mother and this city life has changed her life style too. Now that, no one could say that she doesn't look attractive anymore.

So.... there is a chance.
If you still love him, or feel some strong connection... my advice is to talk to him directly and speak your heart out. Don't be shy to be honest here. Love needs to be expressed out.
There are ample ways to find his deleted no, and it is not rocket science.

The thing is, what is the reason for you to feel connected for him?
Is it something "great" about him? or something about your loneliness and feeling tired of failed match making all these while?
If it is the former, you should try for him... and good luck.
If it is the latter, better be confident, and I am sure you can overcome this "low self esteem" with a good job, good friends, good life style to be "normal" again. And that's when you should try looking for a match.

 

A different perspective. . Good to read this reply. .

 

Hi, I have a question - how do you know he deleted your WhatsApp number? Just asking if there’s something about the WhatsApp “workings” that I don’t know.