Should I ?

monita · Dec 5, 2011

Please refer to my other thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/151184-is-it-our-culture.html
to get the picture.

In short, I am tired and frustrated of serving my MIL and can't understand why she cannot look after herself when she is fit and healthy. In a casual conversation with my DH today morning, I mentioned to him that I wonder why she has a problem serving her own breakfast when she can do other things like snoop around the house.( We had gone shopping yesterday and we had bought a pack of crockery to gift someone. She opened the gift pack to check what was inside). This is just an example. This is something she always does. To this my DH replied that I am wrong and my MIL has no such problem. In the past, it has often happened that my DH has denied there are any problem and I have told him that I am going to record what his mother says behind his back.

Now, I have gone ahead and done just that. I have recorded her conversation where she is complaining about me that I don't serve her breakfast and she has to serve herself and suffer all the hardship.

My question is should I play the recording to DH? It might seem I am trying to pick up fights. But I am just totally frustrated and desperate for support.
I don't know what to do?:drowning

ars · Dec 5, 2011

Go ahead play it for him. Before you do tell him you are just sharing the information and how you are spoken about by mil. Make it clear you are not picking a fight. You just want him to know and how you are emotionally tired with all the drama from mil. Than play it.:thumbsup

Anyuna · Dec 5, 2011

really you should use you evidence.please tell if it helped so that I can utilize the same when needed.

Shanvy · Dec 5, 2011

Monita,

Just hugs.

There is a time for everything. do not play it when he is stressed out with any issues. just tell him you need some time to discuss something that has been playing on your emotions for sometime.remember it takes a little more effort to convince a person in denial in any relation.

do not start accusing him, that he did not believe you. just tell him that you know that he loves his mother and cannot think something wrong about her (in tamil there is a saying peiyanalum thai..rough translation even if she is a devil she is a mother..) so in a moment of pushed off the threshold you had to record this to just show him how tired you are mentally and because of what. i want you to listen to this with a open mind and discuss..just move away from there when he is listening. giving him a space to understand what has been said without your observing every emotion on his face is a necessity.

then proceed further..

All the best.

tinku · Dec 5, 2011

My advice is
DONT PLAY IT NOW.

You first tell your DH that you will record it next time and play it. Make him agree. In a day or two after that you can play it and show.

Otherwise who knows your DH might say one day that you record casual happenings. So do it as if done with his permission.

flowerlady · Dec 5, 2011

Your DH is in a spot . He is sandwiched between wife and Mom. If he reacts to your statement and recording then what step can he take ??
What do you expect him to do ?
If he ignores your complaints then also he is in a jam.
It would be better to ignore your MILs rantings. Let her complain about you to everybody. You are doing your best and even your DH knows it.
Your DH is the innocent party. Whether his Mom serves herself or not , opens packets , what can he do to stop her ?
He will appreciate your efforts more if you stop complaining about her , he knows you are right.Work as a team with your DH, life will be happier.

monita · Dec 5, 2011

tinku said: ↑

You first tell your DH that you will record it next time and play it. Make him agree.
Click to expand...

As I said earlier, I already told him that I was going to record it and I have also told him that I have.

monita · Dec 5, 2011

Flowerlady,
I agree with you. I know he cannot do anything. And I don't want him to do anything. I just want him to see the reality, which I doubt he is seeing. From his reaction, it seems he sees his mother as the innocent victim like everyone else does.

I am a human being and may be not a very strong one. At this point, I really don't know how to handle my frustration. please remember I have to go through this everyday without any break.

monita · Dec 5, 2011

Thanks ladies for your valuable advice. I had a feeling that I was not able to think clearly in my frustration. I would like to add one more detail that she has called my DH 'Joru ka Ghulam' in the recording and I was wondering it might have a negative impact on DH. what are your views on this?

ShilpaMa · Dec 5, 2011

Monita, it shall be a bigger pain and void for you... if after listening to your proof he still doesn't say anything to his mother... or takes any corrective action.
Every child or a parent knows who/ what exactly their parents/ kids are.... he cant throw her out, she cant change herself.. your current act of exposing her shall make him a rebel in HIS set of frustrations. He may pack his bags and leave you 2 warring ladies alone.. and head north.

He must have heard 'Joru ka Ghulam' a million times from his mom n sis.... and your playing it again will pain his brain zillion times...
If you really want this video to reach him then probably send it across as an attachment to a balanced mail. Dont make him go thru this in front of you... if he's not been in support or puppet dance to you like other HAPPY ladies.. then I wonder if this shall really help.