Should I Work Or Stay Home

Seems like an impossible set of tasks for the 3 hours you have. Can you get the nanny to stay back and teach her how to cook like you do? Or get a cook for two hours every to make a hot meal. I have 5 hours with my 2 year old after I return from work - and all I can barely manage is (1) dinner with pre-cut veggies and (2) some art/craft/play project (or) trip to the park/temple with my 2 year old.

Sounds very unreasonable. :-( He needs to do his parenting duties during that time. Channel/Guide/Convince him to participate in the parenting. Tell him let's cozy up on the couch after kids are asleep and then we'll chat - can you please help me with specific tasks: 1, 2. and 3. for now. (I know you're dead tired when kids are asleep - but he needs to pitch in and make life easier for you - earlier in the evening - if he values your companionship for later in the evening.)

 

My last response was before I saw yours...I see your predicament now. It is a tough choice.

 

I hope you and husband will be able to choose to keep the nanny if you choose to stay home.

Because cooking 3 meals for 6 people in itself will take up a big chunk of your day. Even if MIL will help or choose to take up all cooking - having a nanny will be critical for your sanity.

You want to replace "office-time" with time for support to DS and self-care time.

 

I can empathize, in a similar situation I did not quit. Take maybe a week off and see how your days feel. I tried this and in my case I ended up spending all my time on chores I would rather outsource.
I instead choose to maximize work life balance at work ( career advancement has been impacted but i'll catch up when my kids are older)
My schedule -
4:30 - Leave work
5:00 -5:45 - Get home and spend time with younger child who stays home with nanny. Nanny is expected to help with chores at this time.
5:45 - Older kid gets home from preschool - Next 45 mins is for him only while DH has one on one time with younger one .
6:30 - 7:00 - Kids play with each other and DH gets time with me - BUT this me time is in the kitchen helping out getting dinner (super simple) on table
7:00 - 7:30 - Family Dinner
7:30 - 8:00 - Each parent puts a kid to bed
8:00 -10:00 - More Me time and couple time. Yes lot of time is spent on chores but DH and I get to talk through it.

I have a morning nanny who drops the older kid to school so I get some extra time there too.

Edited to add:
I did not realize your kids were older when I posted. I maybe totally oblivious to the time needed for older kids
In any case, still think you should not quit, rather outsource the chores

 

@ThoughtsParv Thanks a lot for sharing!!! I cannot even imagine how two-kid households function since I barely manage with 1 toddler. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving us such a descriptive view! So helpful and an inspiration for me to plan better and execute. Hats off to your "juggling" skills - I love the "child-handoff" between parents - I too have seen how important 1-1 time between each parent-and-kid is. :-D

 

You know what they say about the best made plans!
I have my share of troubles specially this last year as I struggle with PPD. I am learning to plan the optimum scenario and then not worry too much if things don't go accordingly

 

Have you taken leave or left your job?
Start looking for a job soon before this becomes a habit. Look. For something less stressful but full time.

Why does husband need to be so successful at the expense of his wife's mental health.

Let him tone down his ambitions and take care of his responsibilities towards your parents.