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Should I tell

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by disillusion, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Now this raises many questions.

    1. If your H wanted to divorce you, why did he not? What prevented him from doing so?
    2. From your post I gather except your cousin, your family did not support you. Sad. But if that is so, stand up for yourself.
    3. You say you tried to go to some shelter, but came back. Why?
    4. You have been trying to get out but failing. Why? What has been happening each time?
    5. Am not sure if you mentioned having a job or not.

    It is now time to call in the police. Next time he beats you up, go straight to the police station and report DV, before the physical evidence is lost. I am sure they will help you get to a safe place and get a court order to prevent your H from coming anywhere near you. Time to get out of this relationship. I don't know what prevented your H from divorcing you when he wanted to. If he was pressurized in any way to continue, it is possible that he is being violent with the hope that you will yourself go and ask for a divorce. Can only guess it could be something to do with not wanting to pay alimony. But if you now go and ask for a divorce on grounds of DV, he surely will have to shell out money for maintenance. Better you get a job of your own so you are no longer financially dependent on him.
     
  2. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Anikha and Viswamitra, I am taking treatment from a psychiatrist for the depression. I also see a therapist. My husband has been interfering with the treatment. He did not like my therapist. He stopped me from seeing her. Current therapist, he wants to come to the sessions. I have no privacy. Sometimes when I am talking with my close friend, he would question me what we had talked about. He comes sometimes to the psychiatrist appts also.
     
  3. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Satchitananda, I don't think he really wanted a divorce at that time. He just wanted the opportunity to shout at my elderly parents and hurl some abuses. Now when I ask about the divorce he talks about how it is too expensive to get divorced. Also some nonsense about how we are always meant to be together. I came back from the shelter because I had an RO and he had moved out of the house. But soon, the RO was adjusted so that he could have more interaction with our kid. He was also violating some of the provisions of the RO, and I did not report it. Finally, one day he just called screaming at me, threatening something bad was going to happen and he was harassing me so much that I was forced to drop the RO. He also made some promises which I believed and which he hasn't kept. That's how I came back into the situation, I was fooled like an idiot.I have been too lenient with him.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2011
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi D, high time to file a police complaint with all the above facts so that something can seriously be done. Call your therapist when he is not around and inform her that you don't want him present at your sessions, so she can keep him out. Same for psychiatrist's appointments too.
     
  5. indus2

    indus2 Senior IL'ite

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    There are counseling centers and women's support centers in all states. See this website: MSP - Domestic Violence

    Please dont be depressed. Things will change for the better.
     
  6. rissy

    rissy Silver IL'ite

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    Wait, in your profile u mentioned that u are separated and in November u posted that you are separated from husband and he was jailed, and now u say in your latest 2 threads that you are suffering from DV right now. Hows it is possible if you are already separated? And in your thread "SIL & Co-sis" you mentioned they are not supporting you while you are undergoing DV. But you already seperated then how can u undergo DV. Are you still staying with your husband
    ------------------------
    EDIT - K, sorry I did not read your second post, really sorry to misunderstand. So you are separated and this guy is still tormenting you, you need to file a police complaint against him. And get the divorce as soon as possible. Do not get trapped by his words. Do not expect any sympathy from his family. And you share your side of story to your parents, siblings and friends. People will only listen if you open your mouth. You need to share with them what you are going through. Be firm and stand your ground in getting divorce. Take your parent's help and consult with lawyer. There is this Indian site lawyersclubindia.com, post your concern there and you may also get legal advice. Also pls consult with any women's cell at your place. Next time when your husband come to you and try to talk or threaten you or if he calls you on phone then try to get his voice recorded, so that if he speak something inappropriate, then you can have that as proof that can be helpful to you during your divorce case. Whenever he try to shout or hurl abuse to you or your family and if you are present, then try to get all that recorded without him knowing. Don't trust him anymore and don't listen to his fake promises. Whatever he done to you, for that there is only one word - Divorce...
     
  7. nayasmi

    nayasmi New IL'ite

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    U should definitely discuss with someone whom u feel free to share anything and everything. Sharing gives an ease of mind than keeping upto within selves. may be a good frend can also help u, incase u dont have any near and dear ones around, the best medium to share and exchange ur thoughts is through this forum ! As a new start, may be this forum may help u....
     

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