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Should I separate? Husband's negative thinking ruining my peace of mind

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by klniha, Jan 19, 2012.

  1. Saisakthi

    Saisakthi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sister,

    Such a small issue which can be really sorted out, why?????? such odd thoughts

    What he doesn't like just try to ignore, for instance he is not able to take your sister's suggestion or request for coming over to India, probably because he doesn't want to be superflous, but wants to practical.

    How is he with others, his relatives, friends.. There are some men / women who cant take things for granted, such trivial issues just needs to be ignored, when compared massive issues some women have in their married life.

    Cool, Cheer up, enjoy your family with your kid, as some above pointed after some time every sibiling of yours will be busy with their family, then you will regret this thought of yours, Best Wishes...
     
  2. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    i dont know if its okay to write this..just want to share my thoughts and my feelings..!my mom was with me to help me during pregnancy and after delivery..in the long run,ther always runs a cold war b/n my mom and husband..my husbnad got a typical mind yet lucky to have him in my life..he takes good care of me and my baby..infact,to be frank he's the one who helped me tough times during pregnancy..both are overpossesive about me,most of the time i used to defend my husbnd..sometimes i take my mom's side..there was really big fight the day before we strted to india..my husband doesnt like anyone from my family but pretends as if he as no issues with them..i dont take it to heart because even i dont maintain good relation with their parents and sisters...never realized i love him so much..i realized only aftr coming to india,now i got stuck in my academics for past 5 months and not able make it back to US.i swear everyday i feel like i'm guest staying in strangers place for longer time,i dont know,not feeling like staying with mom,i feel like i'm missing my own family and family fun.when we were together i tried blackmail him emotionally telling divorce but in reality 1 yr after marriage now i can take that thought not because i have 8 month old kid but beacuse the bond which grow more stronger as days passed....now as far as im concerned, i dont bother he doesnt like my family bcoz he will never ever tell it straight to me..all im concerned is my husband and my kid..
    i may not be good at telling just tryng to make you understand..whenever you feel like frustrated about your husband just think of all the care and love he showered on you and your baby..!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2012
  3. payasa

    payasa Bronze IL'ite

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    You may be frustrated with your husband's mentality, but you can't be rude to your own husband. I totally agree with what your DH said - you should explain patiently instead of saying it on his face that he has negative approach. Put yourself in his shoes and think what he wants from you.

    Try to talk about pleasant things when your DH is around. Don't bring your parents or sis's topics when you know he gets irritated. You stay positive and happy, only then you can make someone else happy. I know all of this is easy said than done, but just keep trying until it becomes your habit and nature to always stay positive inspite of all negative things your DH says. Stay strong! Wish you all the best.
     
  4. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Srividya,

    He tells me or I see his opinion (when he reacts to them) on how he took things when something very 'normal' was told to him and then I tell him that's not the way to take things and finally we end up fighting.
    It's not like he dislikes my parents, his basic nature is like that be it his own parents or completely 3rd person, he minds petty and normal things.
    Otherwise he I not always fighting with them. Also, is it normal that he doesn't it nd chit chat with my parents when they visited us except or few mins? Is it like tat with all men. Also he doesn't wish my parents on bdays.

    Thank you.
     
  5. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    It's just the way he is... No exception to my parents, he takes things negatively thats it...
     
  6. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    thank you. I do the same to his parents coz I've been through a lot more and never misbehaved with them, when he can be rude for such trivial things, at least I can for the bigger ones. Now end result is whenever he talks to his parents I don't like it. I've seen other men don't call their home regularly. But mine makes it a point by hook or crook to call them twice every week.
     
  7. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Sai,

    Problem is it's ok even if he doesn't take my is suggestion seriously but why negatively? he I mostly that negative talking with everyone but softer on his parents though.

    Thanks
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2012
  8. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Lucky2, how do u feel when he is close to his parents and siblings and makes it a point to obey watever they tel him and call him even if it's 11 in the night and he should o at 5 next morn just coz he should call them twice every week.
     
  9. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you payasa. He is ok otherwise with my parents, not that even their topic he wouldnt stand but he loses temper for casual importantly normal things said to him.
     
  10. zipzipzoomzoom

    zipzipzoomzoom Gold IL'ite

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    Perhaps he has anxiety when dealing with in-laws. Problem is, he is wearing his emotion on his sleeve. But that's no reason to get separated - as a matter of fact, people like that need more family support. And, you did mention he's not abusive or a bad father or husband...
     

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