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Should I separate? Husband's negative thinking ruining my peace of mind

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by klniha, Jan 19, 2012.

  1. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    My H is not abusive or a bad father or a bad husband but he takes even the most casual things said to him negatively and when the other person is my mom or dad or sibling, I get effected by his behavior too much.
    He reacts or the face when he finds things not agreeable (in reality, I not think they are, infect they are petty things) he answered back in a rude way to everyone in my family. I am tensed when they talk to him. Otherwise he is ok with them. Are there any counseling sessions other than anger management? I sometimes feel it's not too big a reason to separate considering I have a 1yr old kid.

    Pls suggest, have any of u been in this situation?
     
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  2. kishoremommy

    kishoremommy Platinum IL'ite

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    Separating???

    You must be kidding.Try this.

    Don't ever raise the subject regarding your parents and siblings when your husband is near.

    When you want to argue over something,don't do it immediately.Wait for his mood to change.

    As years pass on,you will get a better understanding.
     
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  3. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    The issue though bothersome is trivial and can be worked upon. If you chose to separate, you'd be at a loss.
     
  4. renutn

    renutn Gold IL'ite

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    i too understand why some men behave differently when the topic is on their IL's but they expect too much from wife when it comes to their matter or their parents/siblings.
    Question of separation doesn't arise here if this one is the problem.
    If you see any difficulty in adjusting with him like not caring, respecting, not showing interest in family or kid then you and ur husband needs a counseling.
     
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  5. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone. But what can I do to help him 'not take simple issues negatively?' He says I shunt call him negative instead patiently explain that it's not like tat. I lose my patience as it is not the first time and to give u an example.... Once my sis asked him when we wud come to India and told us to come as she misses our kid. To this he told me later 'as if we are sitting idle here' I got pissed with this strange reply.
     
  6. payasa

    payasa Bronze IL'ite

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    Is there any specific reason why your husband does not like your folks? From your description, I am guessing that your husband could be very sensitive, and a small innocent thing from your sis, or parents could have made him angry.
    As kishoremommy suggested, you try to keep quiet when he gets irritated. You getting aggravated by his behavior is no solution to the problem. You can discuss this with him once he has calmed.
    My personal opinion is - your husband should like you, its not a must for him to like your family too. Many people may not agree with me on this :)
     
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  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    why talk about separation if he doesnt like your parents???? does he take careof you and your kid? if yes and he is not abusive and doesnt keep fighting with you about what your parents said or did..then just follow a diff. way to dealw ith it...

    first of all chk with him as to why he doesntlike your parents? any past or present actions or the way they talk to him or treat him etc?? we may not see ourparents shortcomings but the other person sees it clearly ...so let him talk or express what bothers him and see if you can address it....

    last but not least...even ifyou try your best....sometimes he may not change...so dont push/force him to like your parents,....think how it feels if youd ont liek his parents actions and he insists you getalong well with them.
     
  8. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Please dont wreck your good marriage just because of your parents ,siblings !
    After a few years all your siblings will be busy with their own lifes and will stop taking so much interest in your new family.
    Maybe your family comes on too strong, your sister should take the hint and have only formal conversations with your Dh.
    Maybe your DH would like formal relationship with your family like most DILs. Even DILs generally dislike their PILs , BILs and SILs.:bonk
    Are you on very good terms with his family?
    Ignore, its not a big deal, he is a good husband and father.
     
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  9. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    I too would say ignore. Maybe there must have been some past event where he felt bad and that is why he dislikes talking to them now...just as we sometimes too feel bad when our in-laws say something..maybe even u r not aware of it. Let ur family maintain a cordial relationship with him for the timebeing..do not get upset about his remarks...and do not even think of separating for such a minor reason. When he is in a okay mood, ask him if there is any particular reason for his behaving like this with ur family. Sometimes misunderstandings arise...they are better solved than prolonged
     
  10. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    This is the most trivial issue u will encounter in your marriage, do not even think about separation for something like this.
    Remember the only one person in this world who you can change is yourself. Keep this in mind and you will be able to deal with a lot of situations.
    Why do you have to be so emotional about how he reacts with your family. All your family members are individuals as is he, they all are responsible for their own relationships. What he thinks of your family should not be your problem, simply because no matter how hard you try you cannot change his thinking. Give it time, as relationships mature they change.
    I have been in the same situation and the way i handled it is by telling him to deal with his relationships himself, does not matter that they are my parents. So if he does not want to talk, so be it!
     
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