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Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Karanverma, Nov 14, 2012.

  1. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Sentiments are always nice to talk about, but they seldom answer questions.
     
  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Karanverma,

    Dude, you are way more into her than she is into you.

    You: family oriented, conservative, loyal type guy.
    She: Outgoing, sociable, fun loving.

    You both met as teens. life is very different when you are a teen. Nobody takes anything seriously. a teen looks at gf or bf for fun quotient, not provider, job security etc like one does at time of marriage.
    You had 10 good years together. Be happy for that. You are giving more importance to the fact of the 10 years and thinking you have to stick with her and continue no matter what. You seem to be a loyal type of guy. That is good but you should know where to apply it. You have a confused sense of loyalty. Your mom is always your mom. So what you said for mom is okay. But gf is a gf. a wife is a wife. You are starting the next phase of life: married life and you are running into problems. Dont ignore them. They will not go away by themselves. You two are basically incompatible as husband wife. Expectations, attitude everything. She does not really respect you if she said that about your manhood. And respect is very impt in a marriage. so open your eyes, see the reality, accept the facts and let the relation go. Dont hang on to her because of some mistaken sense of loyalty.

    She made promises and maybe really meant them too but a person cannot change their basic nature. Going forward, you have 2 options. 1. She will change herself to suit you, you will marry and couple years later she 'll complain that she is feeling stifled, you have suffocated her identity, she is unhappy, constant fights and crying, and you will separate. 2. She promised to change but doesnt mean it, she will not change her ways, you will marry and she will go her merry way. Constant arguments and fights. You will separate after few years.
     
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  3. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    /
    Lets leave most men's view.First think about you.Its your opinion.thatsit./ I do not want my wife to be a showpiece and would expect my wife to think on same lines. / if your gf accepts this point, you can proceed this orelse its a problem for you. My brother when he was 20 gave the same comment about dressing.Our society is like this.But my dad and mom immedietly got angry and told him that "Everyone has the right to wear what they want unless they dont care about others comments."my mom added "You guys better mind your business instead of commenting those girls badly".I am not here to change your opinion and judge it.But in my perception, i dont feel anything wrong with the girls view.You should change your opinion if you want her orelse you can marry any other compatible person.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2012
  4. Dhivya5

    Dhivya5 Gold IL'ite

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    Well the decision should be a NO. With so many doubts around your head your married life would be full of misery . Choose another girl who understands you better. All the best..............
     
  5. sundari77

    sundari77 Senior IL'ite

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    hi

    Please Say a big NO now iteslf. Your marraige if it happens is bound to be a failure. There is no definite good or bad behavior. if you are possisive and if she does not mind it it is OK. if she wear short dress and if you dont mind it is i SOK. but once there is a difference in opinion and it is always one person who is adjusting then it is definitely not OK. So Please say NO and mve on.

    And it is definetly a RED when you start feeling inferior in a relationship. Be happy ithappnd now rather than after the marraige.

    Regards
    Sundari
     
  6. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Someday she is going to turn around and blame you for her unhappiness. And you are going to apologize. :)
     
  7. lat13

    lat13 Senior IL'ite

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    I can understand in what situation u r in.. Even though many r there her to advice u.. u can’t live her. Even she could not live without u this is the fact.. She is failing to show her love on u.. first try to find that reason
     
  8. OliveOyl

    OliveOyl Gold IL'ite

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    No. Dont marry her. You should marry someone who appreciates who you are. Not someone who is going to change you.
     
  9. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah.. it is hard to believe that OP's fiancee said this. Something is amiss. The possibility could be OP's fiance has not apologized to him but is simply imagining and putting it here to justify his beliefs are correct

    OP,

    In all honesty I doubt if this marriage will at all work. You both are not compatible. Part ways now rather than feel suffocated later.
     
  10. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    its also possible that he ran out of imagination and ending the story abruptly.
     
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