Should I leave my baby with MIL or at Daycare please give me your suggestion

sweetyk · May 18, 2012

Hi Friends,

My DD is 6 months old and right now my mother takes care of her when I leave to office. My mom will leave when the baby is 7 months old i.e in a month. I have 2 options,

1. Ask my mother in law for next 6 months
2. Day care

I don't have good relationship with mom in law. My mom in law hates me. So I am confused if she will be the right person to take care of the baby. I just expect her to take care of baby in my absence.

Day care option: My baby is very sensitive. She always want me or dad or my mom around her all the time. She even don't have a practice of sleeping in crib, as she co-sleeps with me.

I am not sure if she can adjust in day care?

I need to decide on this now as its high time. If I want mom in law I should ask her now and book her tickets.

If I want to send to day care I need to start my search and register for one.

Please suggest me which is a good option.

Sweety

ramyaramani · May 18, 2012

@sweety

Option 1

The relationship between you and mil may be strained. But the relationship between grandmother and grandchild is different. It is mostly pure love. They take wonderful care of the baby. But only thing their methods me be different from yours. This could result in friction. At the end of the day you will have to trust her.

Option 2

Every child goes through this phase. Initial 1-2 months may be difficult. The baby will cry. But it all lies in the hands of the day care person. Eventually the baby will adjust. Since the baby has been practised with having you guys around, going to the day care will help in changing the situation and in developing social skills.
In this case you have to trust a total stranger.

You have to decide which option is better.

If i was in your situation, I would go with option 1 as I would want the baby to feel safe. I would also not want to go through the risk of infections. I would put her in day care after 1 year of age.

vjbunny · May 19, 2012

Hi Sweety
I agree with Ramya... Also I feel its unfair to keep MIL away from her GD just because you people have differences...

I think the baby is too young to be left in daycare...

Nijasav · May 19, 2012

It is better Daycare. But filter search for a good and hygenic one which is close to your or you husband office, so that anyone of you is easily check on baby.

Since you and your MIL relation is strained, better call her for a month, so that baby will get use to different people, so after one month if you leave the baby in daycare, it will adjust fast.

Daycare - the baby will learn a lot of good manners ( my own experience) and also become independent.
The daycare babies will learn to talk fast and mix up with their own age group and play.
These kids usually shines.
BUT SEARCH PROPERLY AND REGISTER YOUR BABY THERE

Rakhii · May 21, 2012

Sweety, I am in pretty much same shoes as you are in. However, I suggest day care. Yes, I agree that a bond between a grand daughter and grand ma is special. However, if you think it's going to be a strain on your relationship between your hubby and you, then I suggest daycare.
Don't worry about co sleeping etc, once she goes there, she will get used to that in 2 weeks or less.
My personal opinion is that you have to give a lot of weight to what your hubby wants too. It's not like you are calling MIL to enhance her bond...it's pretty much like using her. So, don't (absolutely nothing wrong in not wanting certain people to be around, including mom or mil). Personal opinion.
Again, look for a good daycare and that's that. Personal opinion.

sweetyk · May 21, 2012

Friends,

Thanks alot for all your kind reply's. I requested my mom in law twice and she did show 1% interest to come and help her grand daughter.

I don't want to send to day care for 1 reason, getting affected by infections. I want to send her to day care only after 1 year.

My dad expressed his willingness to help me for 2 months if there are no other options. Not sure how far I can opt this.

I am searching for a good Nanny( Hope I find one). I feel this would be the best option now.

1st option --> Nanny
2nd Options --> Day care
3rd option --> day

What do you think friends..

sweety

sweetyk · May 21, 2012

I mean mom in law did not show 1% interest to come and help.

Rakhii · May 21, 2012

Well then, the question of bonding doesn't arise now. Don't worry, keep looking for a good nanny. There has got to be an agency for nannies in your place. Start your search there. If you want to know what to look for when looking for a nanny, I could suggest.

Nijasav · May 21, 2012

sweetyk said: ↑

1st option --> Nanny
2nd Options --> Day care
3rd option --> day
Click to expand...

1st option - BE CAREFUL.KEEP A CAMERA FITTED IN SOME CORNER TO KEEP A TRACK ON THE NANNY'S MOVEMENT.
IN ABU DHABI, MY FRIEND LEFT THE BABY WITH NANNY AND FITTED A CAMERA TO CHECK. AND IT WAS HORRIBLE. SHE WAS NOT AT ALL TAKING CARE, INSTEAD CHATTING WITH FRIEND AND LATER INVITED HER BF TO THE FLAT AND HAVING FUN. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2nd Option : I think it is safe somewhat. but search and filter search and see to that they don;t have much kids.

3rd option : you mean to say - YOUR DADDY... best

Priya4oct · May 21, 2012

Sweety,

I have also passed with same situation after moving to USA except I have good terms with i-ls and my S-I-L took care of my baby in India after joining work.But here I didn't had option as no one was able to come here due to visa and other related issues. So i chooses to keep my baby in day care (she was 9 month old that time). I also heard very bad stories of nanny's in India and USA. (Even I have seen here in near by park where lot of nannies come for walk and talk on phone long time without seeing kid). My baby got adjusted very well in daycare in within two weeks. Initial she was crying when I go to drop her so one of the nanny suggested me not to come and ask my husband to drop (even If I was leaving her while crying in daycare, my day was not going good, every time I was just thinking about her). Now she is very happy and I go to drop/pick her (she says Bye to me with her cute and tiny hands with flying kiss ). Believe me she is very happy there, knows everyone's name , learnt new naughty activities, in just the age of 19 months.
I know initially it'll be difficult for you and for your kid too. but it'll give you great result.