Should I Interfere With Extended Family?

This is regarding my extended family on my husband's side (brother-in-law and his wife).

Brother-in-law: My husband shares a typical big brother relationship with him, protective, offers practical advice as needed, respectful, cordial, affectionate, once-in-while phone conversations to stay in touch. I too share a decent cordial respectful relationship with him, occasional email exchanges few times a year, wishing for occasions etc.

Brother-in-law's wife (sister-in-law): Both me and my husband do not have much interaction with her. Other than a decent respectful cordial relationship with her with few email exchanges a year, birthday wishes, holiday wishes, etc.

Both my brother-in-law and his wife are younger to me so I have no problems with them, very little interaction to even create a problem. However, after a long time, we had a family get-together and I really got to observe many things from close (probably same for them too).

Nothing major or crisis but I could not help notice some problems between them. Considering they are much younger to me, I feel they could use some help or advice or recommendations. However, after scorching myself many, many times in the past by offering unwanted advice, I refrain from advising adults and prefer they figure things out for themselves over time with age and maturity. Based on the nature of the problems I observed, what do you all think? Say something or not?

Brother-in-law:
Typical "super-busy" husband working around the clock including weekends AND going for higher studies too. Extreme work stress, tension, poor guy is drained and stressed all the time and falls asleep often due to stress and interrupted sleep with a toddler at home. He tends to be a bit on the innocent, child-like and naive side. Honestly, I feel sorry for the guy trying to survive in this dog-eat-dog world. Although he does have a good job in a large company.

Brother-in-law's wife (my sister-in-law): Treats him kind of disrespectfully - before us she criticized and talked him down at every given turn and opportunity without even thinking we were right there or her toddler was in the room. Nagging him subtly as if he was a "failure" and "not successful" and as if EVERYONE is richer and has a better life than them. Very snippy and kept cutting him off or confronting him every time the guy tried to open his mouth. Their marriage was a personal selection with the blessings of parents on both sides. She vented A LOT with me during those days when we were alone together complaining on him which is in every marriage, nothing out of the ordinary - he gives no time to her, he is always at work on in classes, he does not compliment her, he does not take her out anywhere, he does not notice what she wears, what looks good on her.... list is on and on.I got an impression her circles are putting peer pressure and there is this competition who has better this and that.

After they left, I felt there is scope for improvement from both sides - it is not about right wrong or who is at fault - but I did feel that if they did not make a conscious effort to put some care and respect towards each other, this could spiral downwards and go down fast. Every couple quarrels and has misunderstandings and even fights before others. But to me a warning sign is when nice moments and affection are not intermixed in between these rough moments. This is what stood out to me more than anything else that they did not speak or care about one another or share any tenderness in between or have a normal healthy husband-wife conversation like do you want tea, do you want more rotis, did you like the daal bhabi made, etc etc.

 

Thank you all for affirming my instinct and experience - which is "DO NOT INTERFERE". I shall keep to myself.

Rihana - thank you for your kind words. Yes, I logged in after what seems ages and love the new look and feel of the improved IndusLadies website. Good to be back!

 

P.S.

I forgot to add that I did share my observations and some conversations with my husband - especially focusing on some red-flags such as sister-in-law hanging out with her friends late at night, wine and dine, coming home in the middle of the night after husband and toddler are asleep, etc. By the way, she told me all of this herself.

My husband liked some of my thoughts, observations and recommendations and fully supported my view points. He actually thinks it is a great idea to write to his brother as his brother is really receptive to advice and will not mind at all. I have joined my husband on one occasion in giving some practical advice to my brother-in-law; both my husband and BIL thanked me very much for it. My husband did not think it is necessary to write to my sister-in-law at this time and can wait for another time perhaps.

Anyway, just wanted to add this, but I think all of you are correct. Best not to interfere or give unwanted advice. If they want my advice or guidance on how to proceed, I am just a phone call away.