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should i go for divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by praneeth76, Dec 22, 2011.

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  1. praneeth76

    praneeth76 Silver IL'ite

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    babamy decision is based on your ideas. so please help me. i'm 28 and my wife is 26. my marriage is an arranged one. she is the one and only daughter of her father ( my dad's friend). we have been married for 9 months.

    the problems are as follow as:

    1.i will leave to office at 7am and come back by 9pm. the problem is she doesn't help me in house hold activities. i have to get up at 5 in the morning and cook. similarly when i reach home by 9 in the night. i have to cook and eat.i barely sleep 5 hours in a day. her office timmings are from 10 to 5 and her office is just 10 mins
    from home. she has more time. all i want her is to help me she doesn't know to cook. atleast she can make a coffee ready when i return at nighldt. i can't eat at hotel because i have loans to clear. i earn 40,000 per month. i have a bought a home and car. the total emi comes up to 30,000. in the remaining money i have to manage all expenses. i doesn't know how much she earns. i guess it may be around 30k. before marriage, she told that her salary will be given to her parents as they debuts to clear. i said ok.

    2. her office is only 10 mins away from home. the problem is that she always goes with a guy who is her freind. they both go by bike. i can't drop her to office becuase my office time is different. i came to know about this after 15 days of marriage. when i asked her, she said that she hates to walk. even i said her to go by auto or cab, she said i don't like. my car is an suv, so she can't drive it..my family lives in the locality for 40 years. each and everyone knows about my family. i don't want people to speak bad about her. he is with that guy for 8 hours in office. then she chats with the same guy after office hours also...whenever i talk about this issue, she said he is my freind. why u are suspecting me...

    3. even after coming from office, she chats with that guy in ym. she shares her personal problems with him. she doesn't tell me anything.

    during the 3 month of marriage, i got angry over her activities and i raised my voice. she shouted back at me and she threw his key chain at me. it hit me on my head. according to her, she is happy if she spends time with her friend

    my parents left to usa after 5 days of marriage as my sister is pregnant. her parents visit her once in a month. still now i haven't taken the issue to both of our family. we had sex thrice in the first month. after that when i ask her, she says i don't like u. but she chats day in and out with his friend.

    for the past 6 months(after some happy intial day), i'm very upset. my parents will come back within 3 months. i tried everything to discuss the problems with her. but she says u are egositic, u are suspecting me.whenever we disusss this issue, we end up fighting. but i still beleive her relationship with that guy is just freindship.

    all i want her is to be
    1. helpful with me in household chores..I'm not saying that she has to cook.
    2. avoid going with that guy in bike. although its afreindship, family reputation is at stake.
    3. a bit more responsible.
    am i expecting too much?

    sometimes i tell myself things will be alright and u will be happy, but some other time mind says go for divorce.......i'm too tired both my mind and body.
     
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  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Well , why not employ a maid to do the housework and help around?
    You are paying EMIs for a flat and SUV and have just 10,000 to spend, thats a bad budget !
    If DW is not going to contribute do you think you can live on love and fresh air? How will you pay for petrol, bills etc?
    You know that she cannot cook so get help.Maybe she is sick and tired of living in such stingy conditions too.
    Many men give lift to office females so its not a big deal if your wife goes with her colleague. Why bother about nosy neighbours?
    Will you not help your colleague in a similar situation ?
    Why not leave the car for her and take an auto, cab to office ?? This is a good solution for your problems.
    Chill. Chillout!
     
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  3. praneeth76

    praneeth76 Silver IL'ite

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    Many men give lift to office females so its not a big deal if your wife goes with her colleague. Why bother about nosy neighbours-
    it's not a big deal. but day in and out,,even if that guy is on leave, she calls him and ask him to pick or drop him-its happening for the past seven months..office is just 10 mins from home...

    FLOWER: i guess u didn't read the post carefully...i have told her to go by auto or cab- but she refused...i asked her to take the car..she says its an suv- i can't drive...

    when i come from office, she wouldn't come and open the door..i have to keep on pounding the calling bell...she is so intrested in chatting with that guy...
    accoridng to her, that guy is her world..always keep on chatting with her...even at midnight, she used to message to his mobile...
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
  4. charvihema

    charvihema Gold IL'ite

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    hai praneeth
    now days if boys are suffering from the girls like thiss.
    ok do one thing are u able to discuss freely with our father inlaw and dont in more emotions handel this in smooth.
    divorce is not a solutin for this he u have patient u can change her
    handel this situation like glass dont press it and handel with care
    if u do any thing rough and tough glass will broke
    remember glass is your life
    regards
    hemalatha murali
     
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  5. sapthu02

    sapthu02 Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Praneeth,
    Hopefully I have understood the issue clear. I always believe that talking to each other is the only solution. Ask and check what she likes and try to do that for her. And more over try taking her out like an outing for a change. May be she had been pampered and petted to the core that she fails to recognize ain all relationship nd realize her family resposibilities.

    I too go through the same thing with my husband. Iam married for 5 years and blessed with a baby girl. And just believe that relationship can exist only when there is true and mutual understanding... be it sex, life, happiness or any simple feeling ...... Just try to be expressive. just gift her the best when she doesnt even expect,.. that gives more happiness. and always try to talk .. DIVORCE can break a relationship but.... cannot do any good other than scars and pains..

    Just think in her angle.. why does she go in search of a FRIEND when you are there.. do you lack in anything?
    I mean to ask.. arent you giving her company for her shopping? her likes and dislikes and is she left to be on her own..?
     
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  6. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    all i want her is to be
    1. helpful with me in household chores..I'm not saying that she has to cook.
    2. avoid going with that guy in bike. although its afreindship, family reputation is at stake.
    3. a bit more responsible.
    am i expecting too much?---> no praneeth ur nt. ur expecting something which is the least expected of her.

    and for the above three points...
    1.She must help u in the house hold work. it is her responsibility.
    2.Yes, when she has other options, she must utilise them and since she is married, she cant hook on to that guy this much, remember friendship has to have a limit. for that matter any relationship needs to have a limit.if she is in touch with tht guy 24/7 then does she have time for herself atleast?? Praneeth, ask her this question. this is very bad and she is wrong.
    3.she must be responsible. IN ALL SENSES.

    and finally my suggestion to u is tht,
    u start ignoring her. be like u r d one n only one person at home, cook only for urself, get ur personal time... etc... just start ignoring her initially n see her response.. if she is still the same, then pls head for divorse.

    Life is for living not worrying about never ending problems or attitudes of people, remember this n move ahead.

    pls post ur queries here i will be glad to guide u through.

    be strong :) friend
     
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  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your income 40 000/-
    EMI 30 000/-
    Balance 10 000/-
    Her income 30 000/- (You think)
    She gives her parents ????? (You don't mention)
    Assume her balance to be 20 000/-
    So assuming you have 30 000/- in hand, you are asking her to spend on auto or cab everyday or by SUV. How much would you spend on that? What about rent, other bills etc.?
    What are you planning to eat and drink to keep yourselves going?

    You want us to believe that you married a girl who does not know how to cook and that you really don't know how much she earns? A very, very remote chance of that happening in India.
     
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  8. praneeth76

    praneeth76 Silver IL'ite

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    Your income 40 000/-
    EMI 30 000/-
    Balance 10 000/-
    Her income 30 000/- (You think)
    She gives her parents ????? (You don't mention)
    Assume her balance to be 20 000/-
    So assuming you have 30 000/- in hand, you are asking her to spend on auto or cab everyday or by SUV. How much would you spend on that?
    What are you planning to eat and drink to keep yourselves going?

    You want us to believe that you married a girl who does not know how to cook and that you really don't know how much she earns? A very, very remote chance of that happening in India.

    I'M NOT SUPRISED ABOUT UR COMMENTS.........EVEN I'M WONDERING AM I MARRIED TO A INDIAN GIRL? INDIA IS NOT THE SAME ANYMORE.......
     
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  9. mlsruthi

    mlsruthi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Praneeth

    As Amunique said you just ignore her for sometime..and look for her reaction..if you feel like she is not worried about ur absence then give her a last chance...speak to her in a friendly manner(take her out somewhere where her ym is na) and then tell her that you love her a lot and u need her presence....if she doesnt hear for that then go ahead and speak about this to both your parents......as she is the d only daughter in her family her parents would have pampered her...so just take this issue to elders...make them speak to her.

    The only soln to make your wife spend less time with her friend is you try to have good friendship with him...if you become close to him then their closeness might get lesser and also their chances of chatting at home after office hours will get reduced to some extent...it would be good if you speak to her friend and know what kind of person he is and what is his purpose of speaking to your wife....

    Some guys takes women for granted and they might think that they can make use of other people's worries...i am not telling bad about men but i have met some people like that...even when i had problems in my married life my friend also pretended very much that he is very caring and affectionate to me and he is ready to do anything for me and things like that....but its all up to us to keep our limitations.

    I pray to God that your wife should understand you and be happy with you

    One more thing, if she accepts that she will have limitations in her friendship and ready to live with you...never ever suspect her again in your life. May god bless you both...


    Cheers

    Sruthi
     
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  10. deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    OOPS! Cant believe my eyes!!
    I am wondering how come you are letting her live like this! R u cooking for her too?! Great! Wow! Serious man, I cant believe this!

    As amunique has mentioned, dont care as if she lives in your house. For some days, ignore her! Wait for another 3 months till your parents come back. Let them see her behavious and if necessary call her parents and talk. Or at least tell her that you are going to call her parents.

    Tell her its not advisable to travel along with his friend when there are other options. Ask her whether she can ride a two wheeler and she can buy it if required.

    You must take some action against it, or you have to suffer forever!!!
     
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