Should I give him another chance? - Big Post - Its 6 years of my life

Pranibaby, I can only think of one condition you can put on your H now, that he comes with you for marriage counselling. If he does not, I don't see any hope of change in him. He might say something today and do something else tomorrow. If he does, you can give it a few months to see if he changes for good or not. Good Luck!

 

Pranibaby....I feel your heart is still saying you want to give him another chance based on somethings you wrote.
If your thinking so much then put some conditions for him like
->Next time he will not abandon you and your DS
->As long as you are in US with your son and DH inlaws and SIL should not visit you guys and make your life miserable.
->You have your own life and your working with kid so you cannot be a victim of your inlaws and SIL, Tell your DH you will not be quiet if they say anything to you,your DS and your parents.
May be once you bring your son and as your son is growing DH might feel more responsible and might change for the sake of your son and build love towards you both.
This is the last chance you can try giving him.

 

You are such a sweet person and hope everything works out for you. i just hope your husband will realise that he has got the best ever.

 

This thread is 3 years old and OP has not logged in since 2012.

 

@pranibaby I hope you are happy and in a better place today

 

@Pranibaby


My heart goes out to you and you deserve so much better from whatever i can make out reading your posts. There is one thing which can be done here which is if you decide to live in US then you have to tell your DH that atleast for the next couple of years your IL's or SIL cannot visit you guys for more than 15 days or the best is they don't come at all. And i am sure you can handle everything if its only him the moment these people step in they create negativity in his mind and spoil your life too. If he can just visit them once in a year alone and thats about it. you have to away from this chaos. He has to decide whether he wants this marriage and a family with u and your son or not. Its upto him. Put the ball in his court. Anybody whether a man or a woman if pushed too hard will retaliate irrespective of culture because there is only so much pressure and humiliation a human being can take. Also his definition of Indian culture really needs some clarification and some rationale. People like this should not get married and pull other innocent beings into futile relationships. What vows did he agree to when he was getting married to you, one of them is keeping you happy and keeping you respect intact, i dont think he is doing either, lets talk about indian culture and indian marriage customs here then. Why all these culture things come into picture, when we are talking about in laws, wife also is entitled to some basic respect, integrity, rights and independence. But this can only work if you are stern with him and tell him it can only work if we both balance it out else forget about getting back together. Because at the end of the day you deserve to be happy and each day taking so much stress will not give you or your son happiness. Please discuss and be straight forward, and if he does not realise what he is losing then it is really not worth it. Will pray for your happiness !!! I hope things get better either way. All the best.

 

I think most men have this problem. They are not able to balance between wife and their parents and siblings. They cannot back anybody. If they back wife then parents feel that their son has left them after marriage . If they back parents then wife feels that not even husband is with her. Husbands know very well that his parents are at fault but what to do after all they are his parents. So he just keeps quiet.

That's the main reason for husband not able to face relationship problems.

 

Resurrection of the dead thr continues, despite your (valid) alert. Apdi oru enthu we have for resurrection I am partly thankful there hasnt been a "tagging folks for paging them to come and help the ol' thread, @ABC @DEF @GHI @JKL - paging ya'll to come here"

 

Just shows how much of the threads folks actually read. :bangcomp:

 

Hi Pranibaby,

i apologies not reading others comments before typing mine. but i am in a similar situation like you are. just dont have any kids. and also not been 6 years to our wedding.

but Yes i do understand what you would have had to go through. Your IL's are extremely toxic and you DH doesn't seem to have any hold on himself let alone any courage to stand up for him self, you and his child.

you did mention that you are feeling lonely when you said you are living you your son and no family. and this feeling might be eating you on the inside.

i would suggest to be mentally strong. and be able to find out, weather its you who are wanting your DH to change and hence feel that everything is over and sorted?? or you do really believe that your DH has changed and have evidence of his changed beahaviour to back it up.


6 years is no joke darling and now you also need to think about what effect its going to have on your son's up bringing. what would you like your son to be exposed to. I mean yes you do need to be sure of how much more crap are you ready to put up with yourself, but in addition to that you would need to watch out for what environment would you want your son to bring up in.

you need to really justify yourself why you should give him another chance.. and weigh that in with what good for your son and you with an intention that NOTHING from those past 6 years should not be repeated.

your MIL and SIL are just jealous that you are settles and her daughter is still not settled. and with everyday they were just taking out their frustration and jealousy on you.

wise thing would be, to cut off all the relationship with your ILs and SIL (married or not)

if you want to think save you marriage and live with your husband. i think you should only be in touch and keep relationship with your husband.. NOT WITH HIS PARENTS OR SISTER.

His family members have proved heaps of times that they are not worth of keeping any relationship with.

and dealing with one person is better than 4...

i totally understand you. thinking about welfare and safety of you and your son is the utmost thing... nothing should comprise that! not even your hubby! to hell with his parents and sister. ( they be spending time and energy to build their life and not to ruins everyone good life and take everyone else down with them)

Stay Strong and stay positive!