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Should i forgive and forget?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by smeera30, Aug 23, 2011.

  1. smeera30

    smeera30 New IL'ite

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    Dear SSC,
    I would like to know should i be asking apologies and lose my peace.

    No, it is not a swim suit i m talking about. When the entire world is flauting how can i stop m co- sis if she wants to. We all had worn tshirts and pants to the water park. There was a ride in which we had to come topless. I hesitated as i cannot do so. She removed the tshirt and came fully drenced in her bra and pants and was laughing and saying she again wants to try the ride.

    Well does she become characterless if i say so. Then if i say she is a thief..will she become one?
    Yes i like the advice of staying away as her husband also wants his family to be in peace rather than fighting over these issues. So i also feel staying away is the best solution...though i can not satisfy relatives who will blame me telling that i should be apologising.

    Meera.
     
  2. smeera30

    smeera30 New IL'ite

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    Dear Dikshisma,

    Earlier husband wanted that the family should be united at any cost.But now after all this big drama of bro-in law blaming me...saying that i m very cunning. I am an outsider and i m acting to everyone etc..he stood up for me. Now he says he wont force me to ask apologies to anyone unless i want to.My mil stays with elder bro- in - law...so if i have to visit her , i wl have to go there. But i am thinking of taking a furnished apt for vacation and asking mil to visit us if she wants to stay with her grand daughters and i not going to a place where i m not invited.
    Thank you for your suggestions.

    Meera.
     
  3. smeera30

    smeera30 New IL'ite

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    Dear Anusha,

    Initially we had fights and fights...to the exrteme of me trying to commit suicide also. Later he reduced his talks to which she blamed me...saying i m not broad minded etc. Husband also understood she has to draw limits when talking to people.


    I had asked him this question ...I had asked him how he would feel i had come in bra in front of his brother like she had done.
    I had confided in my second co-sis ...when we both had same concerns...but this second co-sis told about my insecurities to the elder one to get in her good books.
    Thank you very much for the last para...it did a lot of healing.

    Meera.
     
  4. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Ewww!! Okay, that doesnt sound very good (Probably a little gross!!). But different people, different ways!


    Okay, I do not know how you understood my previous post. My perspective is that, a woman's character should never be spoken about. As in, if you walk up to her and tell her that you thought she is flirting with your DH, then you call her cheap/characterless basically. You may be right or wrong, but thats not the point here. Sort out such issues with your H, rather than involving her. Well, if you really thought she was flirting, then there is some scope for her to do so right? So you would rather sort it out with your H. And once, he stops flirting/talking or whatever, she would back off, and then you dont have nothing to worry about.

    After you made a public allegation of her, and her character in front of the entire family, things cant be brought back to normal. Its good to be straightforward, but not at the cost of belittling another woman's character, thats my opinion. I would think twice before I confront another woman (leave alone a relative) about the way she flirts. It wouldnt end up in a pleasant conversation, and I would rather not talk about it.

    Now, nothing can be done about the spoken word. Why would you want to be in touch with people who dont want you? After all thats said and done, there can be no way that you can be in friendly terms with them. Please forget and move on!
     
  5. Umlaut

    Umlaut Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Meera,

    Leave aside her conniving and cunning ways to get attention. Leave aside her coming in her chuddie/bra. Leave aside her talking about sex with everyone.

    Leave aside everything for the moment.

    Just this one point highlighted above should be reason enough for you to stop trying to be friendly with her. I simply cannot stand people who have this shallow way of thinking about daughters, and especially I hate women who think like this. And I don't think you like such people very much either, otherwise you wouldn't mention it here. You don't have to be nice and apologise at the feet of this misogynist just because she has, through her manipulative ways, managed to win the hearts of the whole world. See how much damage she has already done to you.

    Also there is something called women's instinct. There was something in her behavior that made you uncomfortable. Maybe a more street smart wife would have reacted and tackled the situation differently! But never mind that now!

    Sooner or later even the most stupidest person realizes who was wrong and who was right. So ignore her and concentrate on your life.

    And do what your heart tells you is right rather than listening to some random relatives.

    Your fear of no one being there for you in time of need is unfounded. Become totally independent so that such a situation does not arise at all. In times of need it is friends who come to immediate help and not family which lives too far.
     

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