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Should I Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Oct 21, 2019.

Should I divorce?

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    53.8%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    46.2%
  1. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    I am working right now. But after marriage I had to leave my job and come here as a dependent. Due to visa issues, I couldn’t work for couple of years, which was really heart breaking for me. He was never supportive during this period... i had cried and wasted a lot of my energy in fixing this relationship then.. but it was of no use.. now i have an outlet.. thank god for that.. so now I really don’t want to resolve anything.. i just want to break free...
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  2. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    I would have left him long time back if kid was not there..thank you for the book suggestion!
     
  3. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    I sometimes feel I should have been an American.. then I could have easily made decisions without being judged..I m truly not happy in this marriage..life is just a comprise..
     
  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Good answer, and good wishes to you, no matter what you decide.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  5. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    No need to be American; people who are economically secure can strike out on their own, and find peace. Now that you are in America, the family law legal system is more helpful for a much faster resolution.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Talk to a lawyer.

    Talk to husband about seperation and how you can do it with minimum disruption to son's life and least bitterness.How you both can help each other to raise the child even after seperation.....
    Since he is a good father,concentrate on this rather than his negatives as a husband .

    Share custody, live closeby , start a college fund together for the child.
     
    SinghManisha, Lonely12 and BhumiBabe like this.
  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    @Lonely12 please read this response by someone that was in a asexual marriage, maybe husbands behavior will make more sense to you . take care
     
    Lonely12, Amulet and startinganew like this.
  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    After OP's new information (giving up job in desh, going off to phorin with a non-work-dependent visa, being jobless/friendless for years, and now have a job etc...) I changed my vote to "YES".

    The thread's opening post (where OP gets no love nor sex from someone she doesn't like or love or even want to talk to) reminded me of an old conversation between two ladies at a resort at their lunch Table:
    Lady1: The Food here is terrible, isn't it ?
    Lady2: You are SOoooo right. It is awful. And such small serving portions too.

    If OP's contention of husband might prefer to avoid her be true, a divorce may be mutually agreeable as well. As in many other cases in real life, she may have to bide her time until her circumstances are good enough to launch herself as a free agent.

    The absence of physical abuse, and no demand for physical closeness/intimacy
    are all positives in her life.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2019
    yesican and Lonely12 like this.
  9. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    While contemplating the sunk cost fallacy (in the thread of @Patientone ) I got to reading about how this is in the brains of mice, rats, and humans in an article from Science. Experimental designs are fun to read -- if you are the sort that often wonders how people go about testing whatever hypothesis that seems reasonable...

    Describes the observation on how humans consider the time&effort they had already invested in waiting for a reward makes them wait some more time. The same goes for mice and rats. The experimental design involves waiting in line (queue) to get a reward.

    Sensitivity to “sunk costs” in mice, rats, and humans

    This article fails miserably in addressing the problem that I have often had in supermarket queues at the cashier's counter. There would be many counters with queues of varying lengths, and I would decide to wait in one where there are no girls with baby carriages, or old women who would sure to be fumbling for their purses for a godawful long time etc... And for whatever reason (god punishing my bad thoughts.... usually) my line would stall, because some young guy at the head of the line would have no pricetag on his item, and the cashier had called in for a price-check. All the pregnant girls, and seniors in the next line that is moving along at a good clip, would be laughing at me. And if I get tempted, and switch queues, the new line I joined will stall, and the old line would move like lightening. After much humiliation, I have decided to stick to the line I join at first, say a prayer to the queue-god (there must be one!) and plod.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2019
    yesican likes this.
  10. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    It works in case of Tirupati. Devotion is amplified especially when one is nearing the sanctum sanctorium because ''All of this jostle and wait should have some meaning and purpose''.
     
    shravs3 likes this.

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