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Should I Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Oct 21, 2019.

Should I divorce?

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    53.8%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    46.2%
  1. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    I don’t understand the question.. are you asking me if I gave him all the above ?
     
  2. kurinje

    kurinje New IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    I am in similar state as yours. It’s been weeks since I and my husband had any communication. I do have same thought whether to go for divorce or live together for children. But what are we(I n husband) going to teach our children about famil life. There is no love, trust, happiness between us. I am as confused as you are.
     
  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    OK... let us try again...
    Please tell us what are all the so much you have done, (for which he has to be grateful).
     
  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    We must strive to be unique in our confusions on the matter of relations within a marriage. However, it is useful to learn how others are stuck in a conundrum, so that we may adapt the decisions to our own situation.

    Not talking among housemates is a situation that could happen if one or both parties conclude that talking leads to more confusion, a negative return to investment of effort, and energy. When there are indications that talk can be useful, it will happen. This is what had been happening to OP. Talk is like a bell - it is heard, and cannot be unrung once it is rung. Even after the tones subside, the overtones will go on for a while.

    Here are two old threads that you can look at and see what had gone by in this forum.

    http://indusladies.com/community/threads/silent-treatment.309248/

    http://indusladies.com/community/threads/in-lieu-of-silent-treatment.308630/
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2019
  5. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Ok , firstly I am NOT saying any of your problems are trivial. Not underestimating them at all.

    Yet, I seem to get a scent of high expectations. My marriage isn't perfect and I doubt anyone else's is too ( sorry ladies!.. you can reply saying 'speak for yourself hun!'). Its 2 different people trying to work out how the heck does this 'marriage' thingie works.

    But if it doesn't work then it dosen't work!. Also divorce isnt a bed of roses. So only you know!
     
  6. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    I feel sad for you. If he is mean and doesn't want anything important from you, then you have very less currency to bargain with, for anything. This kind of situation, leads to very less bonding, because, he never needed something and fights and differences, stayed as fights.

    If newly married couple have passion for each other, then they overcome obstacles in newly married phase and go on to have good understanding and bonding.

    Looks like, your marriage will stay the same.

    Can you work outside home? That will give you some break.
    But living with someone like this is very draining, you will need a counsellor.
     
    Lonely12 and SinghManisha like this.
  7. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry to hear that. but this is going to be your call. where you have to weight the pain of living this life over the benefit of family for the kid.

    i would suggest you must go for counseling, because everyone's perspective towards their problems from counseling can differ a lot.

    meanwhile join some physically active class like dance or yoga. i prefer yoga over gym, because here you will be in a group with other people. it will help reducing the stress you are going through right now.

    it is not easy to act and live like a bachelor when one is in an marriage.

    need for physical and emotional affection is biological need which is equally same for men and women.

    also please apart from your your issues, keep the kid routine separate, clearly tell him to not to do this power play . it will hurt your kid more than anything. my son got addicted to video games due to no activity in vacation. it took us 1 month to bring him back in routine.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I was going to read everyone’s response and then answer... but never mind. I answered yes, but this isn’t really up to me. You don’t have to rationalize your reasons for leaving or staying to anyone but yourself. We don’t have to live your life, we don’t have to face the pain and the unknown realities of your life.

    I would suggest that you read a book Too good to leave too bad to stay.
    https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452275350/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_aT8RDbDW3CH22

    This helps you reframe things in your mind. That book is definitely not recommending you to divorce but asks you the pertinent questions.

    Another thing I would consider is your 7 year old. I think you should read about the impact of separation and uncertainty during this stage. There are some ages and maturity levels of kids, that makes separation manageable- but others in which such an unrest may affect the kid’s mental state. Also, you should consider how your spouse would react.

    I think the best course of action is to have an honest discussion with your husband regarding your needs in your marriage. Introduce possible compromises. If you feel a temporary separation might help you deal with the negativity- create some dialogue about that. Maybe he might change his tune once he experiences a temporary change in his lifestyle. Maybe you would start feeling something worth in your marriage.
     
  9. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Sorry, I am not going to answer this question. I am way past this analysis.
     
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  10. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    I had always been the initiator to talk after our fights. But he never seems to understand my point. As per him, he is always right. Its like i m talking to a wall. Talking is not helping me..
     
    Amulet likes this.

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